Episode 24: Ubiquitous Righteousness

Ruri: Well, we did some thinking and decided that since we’re the principal cast, we should probably get back on the ship.

Yurika: Uh, I don’t know if this is gonna work. A century of hatred is sort of working against us here.

Jun and Megumi: Aw, come on, we may be a renegade starship that can't speak for the Earth government, but that doesn't mean the Jovians won't take our word for it!

Minato: Don’t worry, Tsukumo will make it all better.

Genichiro: Don’t play dumb Tsukumo, I know you’re going to propose to that bitch. How could you betray Miss Nanako like this?

Tsumuko: What part of SHE IS A FUCKING CARTOON do you not understand?

Genichiro: A-a cartoon? NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! *whimper, sob, color palette inversion*

Ruri: Uh, here comes a big mech.

Tsukumo: Whassup, B?

Yurika: Just watchin’ the game, havin’ a Bud.

Tsukumo: True, true. M-Minato!

Minato: *blush*

Tsukumo: *blush*


Akito and Yurika: Awwwww.

Tsukumo: Hi, Tenkawa. I come bearing AMVs!

Akito: Sweeeet. We can never have enough of those. Er, they’re not Linkin Park ones, are they?

Seiya: Fortunately, my collection of vast useless crap from past centuries just happens to include VCRs. Ready for the group viewing, everyone?

Goat: This sucks.

Howmei: Suck it up, soldier boy.

Tsukumo and Minato: *whisper whisper*

Goat: I’m not jealous. No sir.

Ruri: ...

Yukina: I don’t care if it’s your line or not Ruri, they’re idiots.

Ruri: Feisty. Maybe I should befriend her. Nah.

Yurika: Help me, my brain has become twisted from watching every episode of Gekigangar in sequence. Now I think that the answer to peace is to live, breathe, eat and sleep Gekigangar!

Akito: I think it was twisted to begin with.

Tsukumo: Nope, she’s right! This is humanity at its best, kids!

Jun: I was so stupid to badmouth the show!

Megumi: No, I was dumber!

Prospector: No, I was even dumber!

Goat: No, I was lord of the idiots!

Everyone: Gekigangar R0X0RZ!!!1111

Yurika: Okay, kids, we’re all going to become otaku for PEACE!

Akito: I should be overjoyed. And yet… I Have A Very Bad Feeling About This.™

Seiya and Hikaru: Time for Extreme Tactical Otaku Action!

Ruri: Someone please blow the ship up now.

Yurika: Convention time!

Hikaru, Ryoko and Izumi: COSPLAY!

Jun and Seiya: MODELS!

Akito and Yurika: PANEL HOSTING!


Akito: Well, Yurika, I won’t fear the last episode of Gekigangar any more. It’s time to complete the circle. Aw, shit, lost the arm to my model again.

Yurika: I’ll help you look under the tables, but only if I get to shake my booty in your face.

Minato: Okay, there’s no one here. *GLOMP*

Tsumuko: WHOA MAMA!

Akito and Yurika: *BLUSH*

Tsukumo: Please slow down, I am but a humble virgin who has never tasted the sweet nectar of a woman’s lips.

Minato: Care for some education? I’m a good teacher.

Tsukumo: OMG OMG OMG I’M GONNA SCORE uh sure.

Yurika: *BLUSH*


Tsukumo and Minato: *SMOOCH*

Akito and Yurika: *BLUSH*

Minato: Well?

Tsukumo: Me like.

Akito and Yurika: *CRAWL CRAWL*

Tsukumo and Minato: *SMOOCH*

Yurika: Well, here’s my room.

Akito: Oh, right! Uh, bye?

Yurika: *BLUSH, PUCKER* Hey, Akito, we're running out of episodes for bullshitting around so… are we going to get together or not?



Akito and Yurika: ACK!!!

Thousands of anime fans: AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yukina: Uh, have either of you hornballs seen my brother?

Akito and Yurika: Uh, nope! Sure haven’t! Ha ha ha! Why don’t you go to bed! Yeah!


Akito and Yurika: Phew.

Ruri: Commercial break, idiots.

Nadesico logo: Brace yourselves, kids, this warm and fluffy episode is going to redefine “bipolar” in just a few minutes.


Vice Admiral Kusakabe: Well, Genichiro, we lucked out. We got us a new supply of artifacts. Now we can whip Earth’s ass like we planned.

Genichiro: And the peace talks?

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: We’ll just have to sabotage them. I have a very special job for you. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Genichiro: A very special job? Uh, this wouldn’t have anything to do with Tsukumo, would it?

Tsukumo: Well, Tenkawa, after the convention is over and we work out a treaty I’m gonna marry Minato. How about you?

Akito: Um.

Tsukumo: It’s so awesome that peace is finally in our grasp. I’m gonna have a family and enjoy this bright future. And it’s all thanks to you guys.

Akito: Lucky you.

Tsukumo: All you have to do is discover true love and you’ll be happy. At least until the movie.

Akito: Discover true love, he says… eh, what’s the rush?

Yurika: Ready for the last episode, Akito?

Akito: *BLUSH*

Ruri: Uh, we interrupt this broadcast to bring you our regularly scheduled war.

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: Hi, suckers Earthlings. We are here to finalize the peace negotiations begun by our traitor ambassador.

Yurika: Okey doke!

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: *SNEER*

Genichiro: *SCOWL*

Minato: Gee, this is going awfully quickly. We sure are lucky.

Goat: It’s never this easy. I Have A Very Bad Feeling About This.™

Minato: You’re just jealous.

Goat: Am not!

Minato: Are too!

Yurika: Is… this argument really necessary?

Prospector: ‘Tis the time for peace.

Jun: Yup. Peace is good.

Yukina: Rock on, big brother!

Yurika: Um… the fuck is this?

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: Oh, THAT. That’s just agreeing we get to keep all your stuff in return for peace.

Goat: Last time I checked, that was called “surrendering,” not “negotiating.”

Tsukumo: OMG WTF, Admiral?? This is an outrage!

Genichiro: Special job time. *THCK-CHK*

Tsukumo: These people are nerdy Gekigangar fans too! They understand us! They understand the one true righteous path!

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: Then they won’t be upset that this particular part of the one true righteous path involves “bloody gun death.”

Gun: *BLAM*

Tsukumo: *SPLAT*

Genichiro: ...

Akito: WHAT…THE… FUCK??????????

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: We’re the good guys, see? And that makes you the bad guys, see? It’s great to base your society on a show that only allows you to see things in black and white and lets you believe you’re always right. It makes things like having traitorous officers assassinated so much easier.

Yurika: Asshole!

Akito: MAJOR Asshole!

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: If you think I’m bad NOW, wait till the movie! Now if you don't mind, I have some more self-righteous ranting to do.

Minato: Meanwhile, my boyfriend is sort of BLEEDING TO DEATH here.

Goat: The hell with this. We’re outta here. *KICK*


Hikaru: Um, I thought there wasn’t supposed to be shooting going on during negotiations.

Ryoko: That probably means Yurika barfed on a diplomat or something.

Jun: Shit, this whole big thing was a trap!

Ruri: And if we pull back we lose the away team.

Megumi: I’ve said this before in the past, but this time, Jun, we are honestly, truly, positively, totally…

Jun: Yes?

Megumi: FUCKED!

Goat: Time for the understatement of the year: “This is bad.”

Akito: And I’m out of ammo. So it ends like this, huh? Hey, what’s that light?



Akatsuki: Hey, kiddies, miss me? Remember that third ship whose absence was never explained? Say hello to my new toy, the ND-003 Kakitsubata.

Jun: Uh, I didn’t see THAT one coming.

Akatsuki: Sheesh, I'm always the bad guy until I'm saving your ungrateful asses again. You gotta take all the help you can get, right? We got your backs.

Inez: This show has been many things. Now it’s a hospital drama.

Minato and Yukina: *whimper whimper*

Yurika: They tricked us. Let’s fuck them up with the PT Cannon.

Prospector and Ruri: But what about peace?

Yurika: …shit.

Yukina: I’ll watch Gekigangar every day of my life if you live, big brother! (Sheesh, couldn't they have given me better "brother-is-on-his-deathbed" dialogue than this??)

Tsukumo: Uh… Minato…?

Minato: …yes?

Tsukumo: I was… sort of… going to… propose.

Minato: For the second time, yes.

Tsukumo: And Tenkawa…? You… gotta… have… faith.

Akito: Faith? Hey, you’re talking like you’re going to die or someth-

Tsukumo: ...


Inez: That will be hard to top.


Inez: I stand corrected.

Genichiro: ...

Vice Admiral Kusakabe: Hey, don’t get down about killing your best friend, he sucked. Now, to maximize the insult of his murder, we’ll report that it was an assassination carried out by Earth and play it up to derail the peace process. Nakago and Gendo ain’t got NOTHING on me!

Genichiro: Sir, I think you just justified every song that Zach De La Rocha has ever written. But I’m a spineless coward who only loves a fictitious woman, so I’ll go along with it.

Akito: FUCK GEKIGANGAR! FUCK ANIME! FUCK EVERYONE! *random maniacal snarling*

Yurika: …Well, this episode was a wedgie up the ass. Mr. Asamiya, you suck.

On to Episode 25: Being Myself, Being Yourself