Episode 19: You're The Next Captain Of The Nadesico!


Ruri: Uh, pay no attention to the previous episode. We're on patrol, which is boring. Which is good. And bad.

Young Ryoko: Ooh! Stars are pretty! And my hair is blue, not green! Remember that for the movie.

Ryoko: Ruri and Akito were right, childhood dreams suck.

Yurika: There's something very screwy going on around here. Any particular reason there's idol posters every ten feet?

Seiya: Oh baby, this time I can't get in trouble for eyeing chicks in their skivvies!

Keiji Goto: IT IS TIME.

Yurika: Um, explanation PLZ.

Prospector: Nah, I think I'll be dodgy and evasive.

Seiya: C'mon, ladies! You can be just like that… that… what's her face from American Idol!

Yurika: A talent contest?! You went over my helmet?!

Prospector: Aw, lighten up, cap. These kids aren't going to be fighting their entire lives. Sometimes it's good to have a career or something to fall back on, you know?

Yurika: Uh, I guess. Hey, that's pretty nice!

Prospector: Oh yeah, and the winner becomes the new captain of the ship.

Yurika: Eh? I think I'll misinterpret that! It's cool if they want to be captain for a day. So, uh, do your patriotic duty and get half naked for all the guys, ladies!

Hikaru: Wicked cool!

Izumi: It's pretty ironic that the pun I'm making now is mocking archaic Japanese, and yet the English version pulls the joke off better.

Megumi: I guess the only way I can add to the hilarity is by cracking the fourth wall!

Akatsuki: TUX TIME.

Ryoko: A talent contest? Fuck that.

Hikaru: You're no fun.

Izumi: O RALLY. In that case, whatcha gonna do when this is all over?.

Ryoko: Um, I'm trying to stare at Tenkawa, if you don't mind.

Izumi and Hikaru: OMG OMG RYOKO LOVES TENKAWA-

Ryoko: DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!! *WHACK!!!!!!!!*

Izumi and Hikaru: And there is only pain.

Howmei Girls: Well, this seems like a good time to sing a song about food.

Seiya: It's always reassuring in these crazy times to see young girls shaking their curvy gropeable butts.

Howmei: Aw, well, that's the way war is, y'know.

Prospector: I have an enviable job: decide who makes the cut. Well, how about the whole primary female cast? Except that Ryoko chick and Ruri, they didn't enter.

Nergal Executive: Remember, Prospector, we want a REALLY REALLY HAPPY winner. Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy…

Prospector: *sigh* Maybe my job isn't so enviable after all.

Yurika: Um, is there any particular reason you're telling everyone they can take my job?

Prospector: I HATE MY JOB. Wait a minute, idea! Oh captain, if you're worried, then why don't you just enter the contest too and prove you're worthy? You'd surely win… maybe?

Yurika: Whoops, my inner ditz got control of my brain again. Count me in!

Prospector: All right, let's get this show on the road! First off is Hikaru singing a geeky anime theme song.

Hikaru: Geek Girl Power!

Seiya: Well, I get to announce things. This ain't so bad.

Akatsuki: I'm the color commentator. Of course, if I was a girl, I'd be up there WINNING this thing right now.

Megumi: Well, I'll fall back on my nurse's training for my talent. *POKE JAB*

Minato: Uh, remind me never to check into your hospital.

Izumi: John Lennon, PH34R my MAD UKELELE SKILLZ!

Minato: What a difference three or four hundred pounds of body padding makes, eh, boys? *POSE*

Izumi: Come on boys, everybody loves the creepy goth chick, right?

Seiya and Akatsuki: WRONG.

Megumi: Fortunately, I've seen enough hentai to know that chicks holding syringes are a major turn-on for some reason.

Howmei Girls: The food song again!

Akatsuki: Those five are ALWAYS together, aren't they? Hmm, I wonder if they even do things together in the sa-

Akito: Why don't we nip that one right there. It sure is cool that they all can do things besides fighting, huh Ryoko?

Ryoko: Wow, Tenkawa, I think that you might have some advice to give/
On how to be… insensitive.

Jun: Here's Yurika, boys! You know you love her! I certainly do.

Yurika: Super Pretty Idol Captain Power!

Seiya and Akatsuki: Dude, we are GROOVING to this song.

Ruri: Idea.

Ryoko: I suck.

Yurika: I rock.

Alarm: AAAAWOOOOOOOGGGGAAAAAAAHHHHHH.

Nadesico logo: You know that "How to be insensitve" song? With that whiny chick? I HATE IT.

****

Ruri: Uh, I think I want to try this singing thing too.

Yurika: That was unexpected.

Erina: I think we're fucked.

Thousands of perverted fanboys: *SWOON*

Ryoko: I'm not quite sure why I'm piloting in my underwear, but… I Have A Very Bad Feeling About This™.

Erina: Stupid computer giving Ruri all the pretty effects. Now she's gonna win.

Akatsuki: HOLY SHIT! Who would have seen that one coming?!

Seiya: Settle down, Beavis.

Akito: You rocked, Ruri!

Ruri: *BLUSH* Stupid hormones.

Ryoko: I guess I'll just sit out in space and angst. Uh, hold up… what's that big thing flying at me? GACK!

Ruri: Um, something just blew up. And Ryoko's missing.

Akito: Uh oh, once again someone has to spoil our fun.

Ryoko: So my Aestivalis lost an arm. 'Tis but a scratch. But where the hell did these things come from?

Inez: Looks like the Jovians can jump missiles anywhere they want to now. This essentially negates our distortion fields, but it's not like anyone is paying attention when I'm standing here in a one-piece.

Seiya: We're not complaining!

Akatsuki: It beats the hell out of being out THERE.

Akito: Um, Ryoko, any particular reason you're out here by yourself?

Ryoko: BECAUSE I'M A KILLING MACHINE, OKAY?!

Akatsuki: Aw, it ain't THAT bad.

Ryoko: Yes it is! I suck! I should just die!

Akito: Pep talk #4. No way! You rule!

Akatsuki, Hikaru and Izumi: We agree.

Akatsuki: Hey, fighting isn't necessarily a bad thing. You see,
Sometimes, some things/
Turn into dumb things/
And that's when you put your foot down!

Seiya: Your point would be so much cooler if you weren't trapped in a desk.

Akito: Anyway, as long as there's a war, there's no reason to be bummed about fighting. I mean, it's not like you're not fighting for things you care about, right?

Ryoko: Okay, I guess you're right. Let's kick butt! *BOOM*

Akito: Oh, uh, by the way, you look kinda sexy in that lingerie.

Ryoko: I've been waiting my whole life to hear that, so I think I'll punch your Aestivalis into the next star system.

Akito: WHY ME GOD?!?!?!?!?!

Ryoko: And now, the shoulder strap slip™.

Izumi: Ohhhh, you wacky kids!

Seiya: Well, just in case you forgot, we sort of had a contest to find a new captain!

Akatsuki: Of course, only the important high-scoring vote getters are in the final running, but, uh, let's take a look!

Nergal and UEF meeting: Woo hoo! We get to find out who our new puppet is!

Prospector: Sorry suckers, but Ruri dropped out of the running and Yurika won the "Rock, Paper, Scissors" run-off, so she's still the captain.

Nergal and UEF meeting: You're shitting us!

Ruri: 'Fraid not. Well, at least the singing's over.

On to Episode 20: Run Silent, Run Deep

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