Ruri: We have to keep fighting to stop fighting. Huh. Go figure.

Fish: *SPLASH*

Ruri: Huh? Anyway, there sure have been a lot of wars over the past two thousand years or so. You’d think they were important to our history or something. By the way, is there any particular reason I can’t remember my childhood?

Omoikane: What do I look like, Dr. Phil?

Ruri: Aw, come on, please tell me? Pretty please?

Omoikane: How do you expect I will know what to do/
When all I know is what you tell me to?

Ruri: I suck.

Young Ruri: Parents are good! Math is better! English is a pain in the ass. This word “idiot” looks pretty cool. Huh, relativity isn’t that tough. I think I’ll try out that “idiot” word on my lame parents. Say, why can’t I have mushy dreams like all the other kids do?

Fish: *SPLASH*

Fan: *WHIR*

Megumi: Hey Ruri, you might want to come to the bridge. Somebody actually wants to see you.

Ruri: It’s not a bunch of perverted fanboys, is it?

Yurika: Well, actually, it’s a bunch of tree-hugging hippies from Peaceland.

Prospector: This is a world where theme parks can become countries. I know, I know, we’re going to hell. Anyway, this Peaceland place is the new “Swiss Bank Account” hot spot.

Yurika: Well, no wonder Nergal knows them so well.

Prospector: Anyway, they wanted to talk to Ruri.

Ruri: Last time I checked I wasn’t old enough to commit tax evasion.

Prospector: Well, whatever. Banks are more powerful than God, so we should humor them.

Peaceland Ambassador: What’s up, Princess?

Yurika and Prospector: The fuck?

Peaceland Ambassador: Long story short, you were a test tube baby, your clinic got blown up, off you went to Nergal, but we tracked you down.

Ruri: Oh boy, now I get into the “real parents” angst. Go me. A princess, huh? Can you tell me about princesses besides moronic shoujo anime protagonists, Omoikane?

Akito: Well, I guess I got shoehorned into another crazy expedition. Shall we be off, Ruri?

Yurika: Grrr! Now Lolita girl is after my man!

Ruri: Uh, yeah. Akito’s going to play knight to my princess.

Akito: Too bad I’m more like Sir Robin than Sir Lancelot.

Ruri: Boy, when they said “red carpet treatment,” they really meant it.

King: Hi, Ruri! I’m your dorky father!

Queen: Hi, Ruri! I’m your waify mother!

Princes: Hi, big sister! We’re not gay! We swear it!

Akito: This is getting pretty fucked up right here.

Ruri: You’ve got to be kidding me.

King: So how’d you like to stay with us forever and ever?

Ruri: Uh...

Nadesico logo: Fairy tales ain’t all they’re cracked up to be. HEY! My background just turned off-white! GREENFIELD! GET OVER HERE AND REMASTER ME!!!!

****

Ruri: I may be weird, Akito, but I AM a girl. Let’s shop.

Akito: The knight becomes the shopping cart. Yay. Whoa, food!!! *slobber*

Ruri: Uh, hey Mr. Lamebrain Cook, pizza was invented in Italy, not here.

Akito: *chomp* Um, this pizza sucks like a really sucky thing. I’ll be tactful and not say anything to the extremely large and threatening chef.

Ruri: I’ll be a bit more thoughtful in my analysis. You screwed all the ingredients up.

Akito: Thanks a lot, Ruri, and here I had forgotten that the knight’s real duty is to get the crap kicked out of him while protecting the girl. Ouch.

Ruri: Uh, my bad. Sorry ‘bout that.

Akito: It ain’t no thang.

Ruri: Well, biological didn’t bother, so I’m going to try to meet my adopted parents. Let’s go to Scandinavia.

Akito: Uh, gee, looks like you grew up on the wrong side of the tracks.

Researcher: I guess I’d better explain things. Ruri, you are a test subject. We screwed around with your DNA and made you perfect. No genetic diseases, super intelligence, etc. Yeah, it was illegal, but hey, it worked. After all, look at Little Miss Antisocial here… she’s the ultimate human!

Ruri: Uh, but I wasn’t the only kid.

Researcher: Oh yeah, most of them couldn’t handle the sort of total lack of interaction with the outside world so they went crazy. But, uh, you didn’t, so it’s all good! Oh yeah, here’s a little slush fund we kept safe just for you.

Ruri: Uh, my parents?

Researcher: Oh yeah, they were the PERFECT parents. So perfect in fact, that they weren’t even real.

Akito: Her parents were holograms? Whoa, I thought MY childhood was fucked up.

Ruri: Okay, I’m glad I’m not dead, but you know what? *SLAP*

Researcher: Ow...

Akito: ...

Fish: *SPLASH*

Ruri: I hear splashing! Do I hear splashing? I do indeed! *DASH*

Akito: Doors work better when you kick them. *KICK* Whoa, salmon.

Ruri: Well, that explains the dream. I think I’ll go back to the Nadesico, since I seem pretty well-adjusted there.

On to Episode 19: You're The Next Captain Of The Nadesico!

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