Episode 14: Let's Go With Hot-Blooded Anime

(Part One)

Ruri: It's time for the traditional budget-saving recap episode.

Akira and Junpei: Aw man!

Nanako: A recap?

Junpei: So the new viewers know what the holy fuck is going on.

Ken: You're going to grow up to be a fine pathetic loser model-building geek, Junpei.

Joe: Get a clue, it's because they were low on cash.

Yurika: Yay, I'm back in the bunny suit!

Ruri: And the peasants rejoice. The world is a wonderful place full of learning, yadda yadda yadda.

Inez: Oneside, shorty. Basically, some big nasties showed up from Jupiter and kicked us off of Mars and the Moon. We were in for a world-er, solar system of trouble. Fortunately, Nergal had the good business sense to invent the ND-001 Nadesico, the first ship of its class. It's really big and really fast and really cool.

Ruri: Yeah. Really cool. Most of the decision making by the slackers and idiots here goes on at the bridge. Under the bridge is the virtual reality room.

Megumi: Which is a lot of fun if you want to mess around without the unfortunate side effects like pregnancy and VD. And I SHOULD KNOW, CAPTAIN.


Ruri: Were there truly no advances in birth control to prevent that sort of thing in 200 years? Sheesh, we're ripping off Demolition Man. Anyway, there's also a meditation room. Down on Deck 4 is a rec room with a pathetically normal ping pong table, next to which is a holographic observation deck. Then beneath that is Howmei's kitchen, wherein resides our wussy hero.

Admiral Fukube: Oh yeah, they have some good tea down here, but it's always better spiked.

Howmei: TEA KLEPTO! Not that anyone cares, but our most popular dish features mini-wieners shaped like octopi that do NOT look phallic at all, so just PUSH THAT OUT of your DIRTY LITTLE MINDS.

Ruri: Next, there's the hangar.

Seiya: MY TURN. We got all kinds of Aestivalis! Land Aestivalis, air Aestivalis-

Gai: MY TURN. This is the one I particularly like to whup ass in!

Ruri: …the fuck? Sorry to steal your line, William Shatner, but… aren't you dead?

Gai: You're just jealous!

Megumi: Ooh, ooh, I've been riding on Akito's artillery frame! Derive whatever double entendres you wish.

Yurika: Grr.

Seiya: Then we've got four zero-G frames to round it all out.

Akito: We've got five pilots, but it all works out because a brand new one showed up to save my ass one day.

Seiya: And it's a whole lotta Aesti!

Akatsuki: That's my baby, all right. But I'll always have room for another "baby", if you know what I mean.

Ruri: Oh yeah, I'm pretty damn sure Akatsuki and Erina are up to something. After all, I've read the whole series already.

Inez: As for the Jovians, we don't know shit about them, so we decided to call them "lizards" for bigotry brevity's sake.

Nanako: How creative!

Ken: Realistic, too!

Joe: Easy for us to say, we're anime characters ourselves.

Junpei: What's gonna happen next?!

Akira: I thought you said this was a recycled-footage episode.

Nadesico logo: I've got the day off.

Gekigangar 3 logo: My time to shine, baby! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *CLICK*


Emperor Hyperion: You're fucking up again, aren't you Akara?

Prince Akara: Er, I'm studying anime to learn about Earth! Honest!

Prospector: But anyway, let's gossip. So Akito and the captain have known each other a pretty damn long time. And you know what happens to childhood friends in anime…

Yurika: They manage to hang on by relying on each other and discover true love in the end?

Megumi: The girl winds up dying and the guy must seek solace in the extremely naked arms of his new love?

Yurika: GRRR.

Jun: I'm degrading myself WHY, exactly?

Admiral Fukube: Good question.

Ruri: So basically, it all boils down to adulthood sucking like a Hoover on the "shag" setting.

Minato: There are perks, though. One of them is being able to make Goat blush brighter than a Christmas tree light.

Goat: …I have achieved incandescence.

Ryoko: Yeah, there are some nice things about being grown up.

Hikaru and Izumi: Such as Akito's secondary sex characteristics?


Ruri: You sure that's a good thing?

Prospector: Yadda yadda, love and hate and wacky hijinks on the high mobile battleship. But no matter who you are, or what you think of what I'm saying, you must remember this one thing: No matter WHAT the doujinshi artists say, there is no sex on the high mobile battleship. None.

Mii-e Mii-e: Aw, I'm jealous. I want some of Prince Akara just like that captain wants the wuss.

Prince Akara: So this "anime" you speak of is the key to defeating Earth?

Mii-e Mii-e: Er, yeah. Isn't love great?

Prince Akara: Puh, love. Er, what exactly is reflecting all those lasers?

Mii-e Mii-e: They've got some thingie called a "distortion field."

Prince Akara: Oooh, me like! Time to kick Gekigangar's butt with a distortion field! Oh yeah, your defenses are hopeless now! AHAHAHA *BOOM*

Ken: Aw, shit.

Akira: Earthquake?

Joe: No, we're never that lucky.

Professor Kokubunji: Get out there and whip its ass, boys.

Ken, Joe and Akira: Let's Gekiga In! Time to take out the trash.

Prince Akara: Excuse me, I was too busy WHIPPING YOUR ASS to pay attention. What was that again?

Ken: You're going DOWN, fruity boy. *SLASH SHATTER*

Prince Akara: Oops, did my distortion field break your sword? I always was rough with my playmates.

Nanako: I guess they're really fucked now!

Professor Kokubunji: Okay, boys, use your top-secret Wu-Tang Gekigan Flare. It hasn't been tested, was completed only recently, you have to be perfectly synchronized or you're fucked, yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill.

Joe: Eh, no sweat. THIS IS ANIME™, after all.

Ken, Joe and Akira: GEKIGAN FLARE! *BBOOOOMMM!!!!*

Prince Akara: Aw damn, guess I'm screwed again. Time to split.

Professor Kokubunji: Fortunately, I learned all about this on Nadesico, so I invented it just in time.

Joe: Should we even mention the hopeless continuity paradox this entire episode entails?

Akira: Who cares about that? Time for dinner!

Ken: You wacky fat bastard!

Ken, Joe, Akira, Nanako, Junpei and Professor Kokubunji: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

Yurika: This was a pretty pathetic excuse for an episode…

Minato: Aw, quitcher bitchin'.

Ruri: We'll be back with fresh animation. And a fresh new attitude. Word.

On to Episode 15: The Significant Other From A Star Far Away