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Episode 9: The Miracle Operation Of "The Kiss"?
Ruri: We have some more new crewmembers and they annoy me greatly. Kia Asamiya: Don't worry Ruri, we won't throw any more new crew members at you for about a dozen episodes. Also, I'm getting bored with screwing up your lives, so we'll let you guys do some zany comedy episodes now. Ruri: Whoopdee frickin' doo. Young Yurika: Hi there, Akito. Any particular reason you're sitting here blubbering? Young Akito: Go to hell. Young Yurika: Would you like some friendly compassion? Young Akito: Go fuck yourself. Young Yurika: I guess the only way to get you to stop moping is to trick you into kissing me, huh? Oh well. Close your eyes. *SMOOCH* Young Akito: YYYYYAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! COOTIES COOTIES GIRL COOTIES!!!!! Young Yurika: Taa-daa! And he's back to normal! I know we're only six or seven, but I'll tackle you and make out with you anyway. Young Akito: OH THE HUMANITY! *SMOOCH SMOOCH* Akito: YEAHGHGHAHHGHH-damn, I was dreaming again. Funny that I'd suddenly remember a kiss that happened more than a decade ago, huh? Erina: Look, Tenkawa, Admiral Munetake definitely for sure Did Not kill Lt. Yamada. Now get your ass up there for the briefing or the captain's going to think you're avoiding her. Akito: Shit. Admiral Munetake: Woo hoo! Now I finally get to push you brats around. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Yurika: Uh, no you don't, Moe. Admiral Munetake: Hey hey, don't sweat it! You don't have to kill anyone this time. Just go to the Arctic Circle and rescue a VIP for us. Jun and Goat: LAME. Akito: ...? Yurika: Eat cold shoulder, Akito. Izumi and Hikaru: Ooh, tough break, the captain's dissing him… go get 'im Ryoko! Ryoko: ACK! Admiral Munetake: It's gratifying to see that I'M not the one acting like an idiot for once. Ruri: And away we went. Yay. Ryoko: This is BO-RING. Izumi: Maybe a bad joke will break the tedium! Ryoko, Akito, Hikaru and Seiya: Or it'll unite us in irritation! Izumi, you suck! Akatsuki: Okay, Tenkawa, prepare for some discipline. And stop looking at me like that, you gutter-brained freaks. Ryoko, Akito, Hikaru and Seiya: DAMN.
Thousands of rabid fangirls: DOUBLE DAMN. Akatsuki: *BOOM* A battle sim may be a bad time for a man to man talk, Akito, but do you want the captain or not? Because she told me she wants you. Akito: *RATATATATATAT* Time to blush and stammer and call her a nutbar. Akatsuki: Woo hoo! In that case, I'm IN there! *WHONK* Akito: No fair using a gun like a club! That's way too Davy Crockett for me. Akatsuki: Since when were there rules in combat? Akito: Since now! I'LL BE BAHHCK. Goat: All right, we're here, but there's a blizzard. Jun: Then let's slow down, DUH. Yurika: Let it flow, let yourself go/
Akito: Aha, a Gekigangar episode where a dashing cowboy tries to steal Ms. Nanako's heart. I wonder if that has anything to do with the theme of this episode? Megumi: Well, Akito, one way or another the production crew was going to find a way to get me into a fuku. We're going back to high school… er, a high school about 190 years ago, that is. Akito: Um, what the fuck? Inez: You kids aren't just Nergal troopers, you're VR Troopers! Megumi: Hey, "upper-classman!" You like? Akito: *GULP* Kind of on the small side…? Megumi: I assume you mean the uniform skirt and not my computer-enhanced bustline? Come on Akito, tell me you've seen at least ONE hentai film where high school students are all over each other. Akito: B-but i-isn't this show on broadcast TV? Megumi: My GOD, I'm a slut. Ruri: Um, just where the hell did Megumi go? Minato: Think it's time to tell her? Hikaru: About the birds and the bees? Izumi: The horizontal monkey dance? Yurika: … Erina: Captain, what the hell is up with the staring into space? Sheesh, no wonder Akito thinks you're crazy. Jun: Um, kinda mean, huh? Prospector: Yup, a bossy bitch from every ang- Erina: SHUT UP YOU PISSANTS. Prospector and Jun: Squeak! Erina: I'm laying down the law, punk asses, so stay outta my way. Hikaru and Izumi: Whatever. Yurika: Oh, Akito, the tragedy… to think you really like Megumi more… Akito: Somebody SAVE ME FROM THE SEXPOT IN THE FUKU!!!!!!! Megumi: I am getting so hot/
Akito: Uh… I've got it! WE CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE WE'RE UNDERAGE NOW!!! Ruri: Sorry to see you so bummed captain, I feel your pain.
Yurika: Aw, Ruri's opening up, that's so sweet. But back to the matter at hand: I have to decide how many of MEGUMI'S FINGERS I'M GOING TO CHOP OFF RARRRR KILL. Megumi: Come on, Akito! Everyone's doing it! If you loved me, you'd do me too.
Akito: And here come the relationship cracks. Thank god. This chick was going a bit too far too fast. Yurika: Oh man, I can't believe you, Akito… whoops, did I just activate the defense system? I'm all thumbs today
Gravity Blast Cannon: KAAAAAAA-BLLLLLLOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE. Jovian fleet: The hell was that? ATTACK! *BOOOOOOM*
Akito: Whoops, we're under attack. Too bad, so sad, Megumi. Thanks for the save, Yurika. Yurika: Um, I meant to do that.
Nadesico logo: He did it all for the nookie, come on! The nookie! So you can take that cookie and stick it up your-QUACK! Erina: Well, now the Jovians know where we are and we have to hide under an ice floe. Nice shooting, CAPTAIN. Akatsuki: Stop whining, bitch. Ruri: It's my fault, I shouldn't have left Hormone Brain alone up here… it was bound to happen. Sorry. Seiya and Hikaru: OMG OMG OMG RURI APOLOGIZED!!!! SHE IS HUMAN AFTER ALL- Ruri: This line speaks for itself: "Idiots." Inez: Well, now we have to go the long way, and there's less than a 30% chance of success. Them's the breaks. Akatsuki: Hmm, the captain's probably bawling her eyes out. Akito: I MUST COMFORT HER! Or something. Ryoko: I think I just got dissed again. Akito: Yurika Yurika: Akito. Akito: Miaka-I mean, Yurika. Yurika: Tamahome-I mean, Akito. Well, I see they found a way to get ME into a fuku too. Akito: Um, could you please be spastic and crazy again? Otherwise you scare me. Yurika: Waaaah! I suck and you hate me too now! I'm going to go goth! Akito: The hell with this, I'm gonna kiss her and make her feel better. Full circle, eh! Pucker up! Yurika: Uh, wait, don't kiss me now. Thousands of anime fans: AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yurika: I don't want a sympathy fuck, kiss me when you're ready to MEAN it. After all, it'll be my first. Akito: Waitaminutewaitaminute WAIT A MINUTE. YOU are obsessed with ME. And yet I am the one who remembers our kiss as kids and YOU don't? Jovian robots: *BOOM!* Yurika: Aw shucks, another attack. Perhaps we can pick this up later? Akito: Hoo boy. Admiral Munetake: Now I'll accidentally drop a few clues that our VIP isn't exactly NORMAL. Akito: Okay, Yurika, I'm gonna kick ass! Lay those coordinates on me. Yurika: Sure thing. Megumi: UH-oh, they're all chummy all of a sudden. Did I miss something? Ruri: Heh. Akatsuki: Um, could you maybe not look TOO good out there, Tenkawa?
Akito: Stop whining, hotshot. Ryoko, Izumi and Hikaru: Spin cycle, baby! *BOOM* Akito: Yeah, it figures I'd get attacked right when my robot's at the end of its range. Chew on a grenade. *BOOM* Megumi: Um… Yurika: Where's… Akatsuki: Tenkawa? Hikaru and Izumi: Okay, guess we can be caring and supportive after all. Ryoko: Aw, a single Jovian robot isn't going to take him out. Especially with 17 episodes to go. Right? Right? WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Minato: I think he's fucked. Ruri: Seems that way.
Megumi: Shit. Yurika: SHIT. Admiral Munetake: Don't mind my incredibly insensitive brush-off of the situation SNNOORREEE. Yurika: OH DEAR GOD HE'S DEAD IT'S ALL MY FAULT- Akito: Settle down there, I'm not dead yet. But why exactly did we come all this way to rescue a bear? Admiral Munetake: FOOLED YOU!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! Yurika: Admiral, your ass is in the sling. Megumi: Oh Akito, you're my loverboy- Akito: Nope, I'm dissing you, sorry. Megumi: Oh my god, my facial expression looks downright HOMICIDAL right here. Akito: Hi Yurika, I guess we can finally have a tender moment now, nine freaking episodes in. Yurika: It'd be a lot more tender if I could remember that kiss from when we were kids. Kia Asamiya: But what fun would that be? Akito and Yurika:Mr. Asamiya, you SUCK! Kia Asamiya: If you think I'm being mean to you now, wait till the movie! AHAHAHAHA!!!! |
