Episode 8: The Lukewarm "Cold Equation"

Ruri: We went to Mars. We came. We saw. We got our asses kicked. We turned tail and ran. Oh, and by the way, this episode's title is an homage to a famous sci-fi story from the late 1940s. Just a treat for the super 1337 in the audience.


Jovian fleet: *BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM*


UEF Forces: Holy crap, the Nadesico just came through that Chulip! Gee, and it was only missing for 8 months…

Ruri: Hey, we're back. Um, any particular reason everyone's asleep? And where's the captain?


Ruri: :-P

Yurika: SWEET MOTHER OF MERCIFUL-oh, it's you, Ruri.

Ruri: Yo. I'll ignore the fact that you're in the recreation room with Akito and Ms. Fressange and point out we're smack in the middle of a battle.

Yurika: Shoot everything that moves! ANYONE WHO FIGHTS IS MY ENEMY-sorry, got carried away.

UEF Commander: Oh, brilliant. Way to hit US too, Captain Misumaru!

Yurika: Whoops, my bad. So how bad did we fuck them up?

Ruri: Well, we at least didn't kill anybody.

Megumi: Still, that was a rather dumb thing to do.

Minato: Not to mention rather tactless after being saved by a UEF admiral.

Goat: Yeah, way to shoot from the hip, captain.

Yurika: There's a bit more important thing to ask right now: Akito, just what were we doing down there?

Akito: Why are you asking me?

Hikaru: Should we even let him try to explain? NAUGHTY AKITO!!!! ^____^;;

Megumi: Two-timing jerk!

Minato and Ruri: Jumping to conclusions, Megumi?

Akito: And somehow Ms. Fressange is being let off the hook? Ask HER, DAMMIT!


Akito: Um.

Yurika: Akito…

Megumi: We're not…

Hikaru: Buying it.


Hikaru: Okey dokey, shifting from Tease Akito Mode to Tease Ryoko Mode.

Izumi: Might want to watch the word choice there Ryoko, or perhaps it's Ms. Hot And Bothered.


Ruri: Okay, I hate to break up the funniest comedy sequence in the whole series, but we're sort of in the middle of a battle here.

Ryoko: Right, let's kick butt! No particular method to it though!

Hikaru, Akito and Izumi: Great.


Prospector: Calm down, I'm just telling you that you'll be working with the UEF now.

Ryoko: Okay, so all of a sudden the enemies are tougher. No big deal, right? But where's Tenkawa?

Hikaru and Izumi: Have you checked YOUR PANTS?

Ryoko: EAT ME.

Akito: Um, I'm over here, freaking out and completely defenseless. And surrounded. And doomed.

Akatsuki: Hey there, head case, hope you don't mind if I save your ass. All right, everyone, clear outta here.

Ryoko: The hell are you?


Ruri: Um, the Jovians just got FUCKED up.

Jun: Dude!

Goat: A multi-barrelled gravity cannon. Looks like Nergal went and built another high mobile battleship while we were gone.

Seiya: You think THAT'S cool? Check out the new Aestivalis model! I'm gonna splooge my pants!

Hikaru and Ryoko: L-7 WEENIE. Anyway, why all this new stuff so soon? It's only been 2 months…

Akatsuki: Actually, it's been eight. I guess this is where I make my grand entrance.

Seiya: And you are?

Akatsuki: Nagare Akatsuki, lead pilot from Nergal's second high mobile battleship, the Cosmos. But the ladies can call me Dr. Love.

Ryoko: How about Dr. Ego?

Yurika: Well, I guess we'll go along with Nergal's new battle plan. Now what's this about a second ship?

Minato: Dude, this new ship is pretty slick!

Inez: Long story short, it's been 8 months, so the Chulip must have been fucking with our heads. Nergal and the UEF are buddies and we have the moon back.

Yurika: And now we're working with the UEF.

Minato: We're being drafted?

Akatsuki: That's such an ugly word, I like "cooperation" more. It's, um, sexier.

Minato: Get a clue, jerk.

Akito: So we're abandoning Mars? What the hell?!

Prospector: We sort of got our asses whipped, remember? Besides, no one's left alive there now.

Akito: Throw all the logic at me you want, I'm still going to pout.

Nadesico logo: Curiouser and curiouser. Caw caw.

Akatsuki: Watching Gekigangar, Tenkawa? Pffft, that is SO LAME.

Akito: Okay, case closed, I hate you. Thank you, drive through. Just who are you, anyway?

Akatsuki: Why, the chairman of Ner-er, oh, just a pilot who loves whipping ass. Unlike you, apparently.

Yurika and Megumi: GRRRRRR.

Akatsuki: Fraidy cat!

Akito: Uh, I'm not scared of YOU.

Akatsuki: Hey hey, no need to fight, there are more civilized ways to settle disputes. Let's hoop it up! Oh, and watch the low gravity on the court.


Akatsuki: By the way, I actually AM trying to be helpful and get you to not make an ass of yourself. Cool and calm, Akito, just like your Gekigangar heroes!

Akito: BLOW ME YOU COCKY-uh oh, an alarm.

Ryoko: Okay testosterone producers, get your asses in your mechs!

Akito: This sucks! I don't want to fight!

Akatsuki: Um, then WHAT EXACTLY are you doing on board the Nadesico?

Akito: Do you mind? I'm screaming like an idiot and being thrown behind the shadow of the moon.

Goat: Well, he's really screwed the pooch this time.

Seiya: And his batteries only give him five minutes of thrust. Never mind that in space it only takes a half second of thrust to start moving…

Minato: Aw, don't sweat it, if all else fails he can rely on Girl Scout training.

Prospector: Well, we can't go save him since we're stuck docked to the Cosmos for repairs.

Yurika: Idea! I'll take a shuttle from the Cosmos and go save him.

Akatsuki: I can't refuse a pretty lady. Good luck.

Yurika: But why exactly do I have an extremely unqualified tag-along?

Megumi: Blow it out your ass, captain, I DO know how to fly a plane.

Yurika: Not in combat, though.

Megumi: Oh, gripe.

Ryoko: And somehow, the REAL pilot gets stuck on the Nadesico while they go to save Tenkawa. Lame.

Jun: Damn, temporary captain twice in the first 8 episodes! Granted I haven't got to do much, but, hey.

Akito: I've really done it this time. So I'm gonna suffocate in my Aestivalis, eh? Hey, I could always just jettison something and-HEY I'M MOVING! SWEEEEEET!!!

Yurika and Megumi: Welp, this show was made in Japan so naturally we're completely helpless when under attack. Let's just shriek like schoolgirls.

Akito: Whoops! Time to save the girl(s)! I guess I can fight after all. *BOOM*

Megumi: Way to go, Akito! You conquered your fear with love!

Yurika: Um, love for whom?

Akito: Save your breath, we only have 30 minutes of air if there's three people mashed into my Aestivalis. Well, let's jettison parts. Nope, not enough. Uhm, the solar sail? Nope, still not enough.

Megumi: Well, if one of us got off, the other two could make it.

Yurika: Megumi or me. DECIDE, AKITO.

Akito: You get off, Yurika.

Yurika: Is this because I weigh more due to my more bountiful figure?

Megumi: Grrrr! Am I being mocked? Let's go, right here, CAPTAIN.

Yurika: Well, my survival training factors into it TOO, MS. SHRIEKY SITTING DUCK.

Akito: The hell with this! No one's getting off! I'm gonna be like Gai!

Megumi: Um, it didn't work.

Akito: Waaaah! I suck!

Yurika: Aw! No you don't, Mr. Savior!

Megumi: So you only love him because he saves you? I love him because he's a burning hunk of wussiness!

Yurika: But does "why" matter? Whoa, this is getting deep. And I'm nipping out of my pilot suit.

Megumi: Okay then, how did you like kissing me, Akito?

Yurika: How many times DID you kiss her, Akito?

Akito: I did NOT want to die caught in a catfight.

Hikaru, Minato, Izumi and Ryoko: Oh, hey, there you are.

Akatsuki: Well, well, Jun the straight arrow takes the Nadesico out of dock prematurely to save them? Didn't see that one coming.

Jun: Well, if anyone's going to steal Yurika from me, I'd rather it was him.

Akito: I'm staying on the Nadesico, hotshot, so there.

Akatsuki: Well, well, he's ready to fight after all.

Akito: I'm doing it to protect my most important person: Gai!

Yurika and Megumi: HUH?

Akatsuki: In space, no one can hear the rabid fangirls scream with glee over new yaoi ammunition.

Hikaru: Dude, this is just like anime!

Ryoko: This IS anime, duh.

Admiral Munetake: Hey, I'm back! Miss me? I'm on the crew now as the UEF liaison.

Entire crew: SHIT!

Erina: Hey, I'm new to the crew too. I'll be the show's designated Machiavellian bitch.

Prospector: Dammit, the chairman's secretary is around, no more spouting off regulations for me.

Erina: So, anyway, I'll just be off in my quarters watching footage of how Akito instantly moved from his room to the rec room when the Nadesico boson-jumped from Mars.

Akatsuki: You're going to totally obsess over him, aren't you?

Erina: But of course, MR. CHAI-

Akatsuki: HEY! Put a sock in it or Episode 22 is gonna be a major letdown.

Erina: I thought you didn't like anime?

Akatsuki: Only ones that don't have me in it.

On to Episode 9: The Miracle Operation Of "The Kiss"?