Escaflowne: No coffee around here. *Sigh.* Oh well. Time to blow this wreck. *K-CHUNK* *K-CHUNK* *K-CHUNK*

Van: That's it! Come to Papa!

Escaflowne: *PTUI*

Van: Oof! I said "Come to Papa!" Not "Dump strange-looking women onto Papa!"

Hitomi: Hey, it's that boy from my subway dream.

Van: A girl?! Oh, you must be the Wing Goddess. My name is Van and I'll be your uber-cool asskicking servant of destruction for the evening. If you want anything, (preferably anything involving the killing of others in a violent, stabbity fashion), just ask.

Hitomi: Buh?

Escaflowne: My work here is done. I'm going to turn into a Czech Glass bead now, if nobody minds. See ya later during the big climax! *VANISH*

Van: WHAAAAAT?!!--Grr! Girl make big, cool mecha go away! Girl bad. Girl must die!

Hitomi: Meep.

Allen: Whoa, pardner! There will be no killing of hot, otherworldly chicks while I'M around.

Van: Grrrr. As I have already demonstrated, in spades, I will kill anyone who gets in my way!

Allen: Bring it on, caveboy! *SWING* *CLANG* *SWIPE* *PARRY*

Van: So, Allen, you and I are both Alpha Males who are constantly sparring with each other. It's nice to see that SOME things still remain the same as they were in the TV series.

Allen: Another thing which is still the same: The fact that every time we cross swords, I end up 0\/\/N1N6 your ass! *THUMP* Surrender now!

Van: Grrrarrgghh--Ow!

Gadeth: Oh, I'm sorry, Van. Was that kneecap important to you? Quit being such a jerk already!

Millerna: Hmpf! When it comes to being a jerk, Gadeth, YOU could give lessons!

Gadeth: Well ex-cuuuuuuse me, princess!

Kio: Babe alert! Exotic, short-haired alien chick at 3 o'clock!

Moleman: Your Wing Goddess, ladies and gentlemen. Whatever the hell a "Wing Goddess" is, we're sure it's someone very important!

Van: Here's your knife back, Gadeth. *FWIK* Whoops. Did that almost land in the middle of your face, Allen? My bad.

Merle: Grrr! Gadeth! Stop picking on Lord Van, or I'll show you that he's not the ONLY one around here who can display uncharacteristically psychotic behavior!

Hitomi: Yeesh. It would appear the movie version of Gaea is a bit more Nietzche-esque than the TV version. If nobody minds, I'm just going to freak out, then pass out. Over to you, movie version of Folken...

Folken: So it turns out I'm trying to destroy the world just because I wasn't made king of my own country? Lame. And what's up with the "Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth" haircut? I suppose all my servants are going to turn out to be singing muppets now...

Sora: Well, I can sing, but as you can see, sir, I'm no muppet. The Wing Goddess has arrived on Gaea, by the way, although she wound up going to your brother, Van. But the two of them don't "resonate," whatever that means.

Folken: Then I still have time to show the audience what an evil bastard I am before the final phase of my master plan can go into action. Time to send my minions out into the world to pillage and burn, and generally act in a very rude way towards their neighbors.

Jajuka: Yowza. The movie version of me needs braces. Badly. Oh, btw, I'm on the bad guy's side. But I'm a good bad guy. Not a bad bad guy. Which means all this burning and pillaging I'm overseeing is making me pretty depressed. Hmph. As if the movie needed to be more dark and violent at this point...

Millerna: Mornin', sunshine!

Hitomi: Whu--? Oh shit. I'm still on this weird planet. And I'm still holding that strange jewel which that big armor thingy turned into after it disappeared. Could this all be a dream?

Millerna: *SLAP* Guess not, sunshine. Here. Have some fresh air and some light. Oh, and some exposition.

Hitomi: So I'm supposed to be this Wing Goddess person? And you guys are all a bunch of rag-tag resistance fighters battling against the Black Dragon Clan. Got it... Whew, all this listening and answering meekly is making me thirsty. I wonder if I'll find some water down these stairs...

Katz: No, but you will find the one member of Allen's crew who never got any lines or screen time during the TV series. Not that I'm bitter about that or anything. Oh noooo... Your appearance freaks me out, by the way.

Hitomi: Yeah, well you ain't exactly a J-POP idol yourself. No wonder the camera was never on you.

Millerna: Welp, it looks as if this "Hitomi" chick's the genuine article, then..

Allen: In which case, the Black Dragon clan is probably going to try and filch her. As the legendary Last Dragon, you must protect her, Van.

Van: Joy. I get to play babysitter. See how excited I am about it?

Hitomi: Still stumbling about the---whatever the hell this thing is I'm riding in. Hm. What's in this stable over here?

Merle: Nothing much. Just the overly surly movie version of me.

Moleman: --And me! the comic relief! Ooh! I smell a shiny... You wouldn't happen to have a precious stone on you, by any chance?

Hitomi: Only this McGuffin here.

Moleman: Ooh. Let me turn it into a necklace for you. There. Pretty, no? Now, ladies, how's about a tip for yours truly?

Merle: Okay: "Never try to hustle a psychotic catgirl!" *STOMP*

Moleman: Urkkk....

Merle: Hey, Hitomi...Have I told you about Lord Van's backstory yet? Blah blah Black Dragon Clan..blah blah country destroyed...blah blah blah... joined up with the resistance...blah blah blah...prefers fighting alone...blah blah..blah.. is misunderstood... blah blah.

Gadeth: Gee Van. I see you're a fast healer.

Reeden: Hey, didn't we see you with that cute alien chick earlier, wuverboy?

Van: ... (*Translation: If looks could kill, you two would both be staring at your intestines right now.*)

Reeden: Sheesh. He gives me the creeps. Could there be anyone on this planet more psycho than him?

Dilandau: Mmmmmm. Could be.

Chesta: Pro: I've got mad clairvoyant skillz in this movie. Con: They make me look incredibly creepy. The girl we're lookin' to try and capture is wearing white, by the way...

Dilandau: Alrightie then, let's swoop down, nab her and kill everybody else.

Jajuka: Um, sir? I don't recall our orders mentioning anything about our having to kill everybody--OOF! *THUD*

Dilandau: Jajuka. It's called "towing the line". You might want to try it sometime. You'd find that I would hurt you less. Welp. Let the mindless and unnecessary violence begin!

Jajuka: Don't you mean 'continue' sir?

Dilandau: Shut up, Fido.

On to the Escaflowne Movie: Part 3