Episode 24: Choosing Fate

"SEICO" Wallclock: Well, we now know that SEIKO didn't fund this anime...

Hitomi: Unhhh. Where am I? Allen?... No wait. It's Amano. Oh no. This isn't yet one another one of those mindfuck "is it all a dream or isn't it" sequences, is it?

Yukari: Beats me. I'm just happy that I finally get a scene where I can show some character! Go me!

Amano: Whoa. The Planet Gaea... Escaflowne. That was some trippy dream you had, Hitomi.

Hitomi: Dream? Ex-squeeze me? Do I look like the kind of person who would space out in the middle of the day and start having visions of...oh wait... I AM that kind of person.

Amano: Oh.... pretty.

Hitomi: ...yes, Amano?...

Amano: Your pendant. It's beautiful.

Hitomi: Huh? Oh. THAT was the reason you were oogling my chest. *SIGH*. This is my grandmother's pendant and it's special. It can defy the laws of physics. Look. It can swing once per second without ev--.....waiiiit a minute... I'm getting serious Deja Vu here...

Amano: Whatever. Wanna rip off our clothes and make out here in the Nurse's Office?

Hitomi: Well, yeah, I would, except I now know that in the next couple of seconds Yukari is going to come bursting in on us like a blast of cold shower water.

Yukari: HIIIIIIIIYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!...Oh... Were you two in the middle of something important?

Hitomi: Oh no. I've come back in time to the day before I left. A continuity ripple like this could very well cause the fabric of the space/time continuum to rupture, resulting in the complete destruction of the entire universe. But on the plus side, my fuku's looking (and smelling) nice and fresh again.

Yukari: *Sigh*. I thought I should tell you Hitomi, that Amano's about to be shipped overseas. You poor...poor girl... Better tell him that you love him while you still can. *Big Honkin' Sigh*

Hitomi: Oh great. Thanks to my experiences and my newfound 20/20 hindsight, I now realize that Yukari was in love with Amano all along. Great. Like I NEEDED my life to become even MORE AWKWARD at this point.

Hitomi: *Sigh*. Time to sit on a communter train and mope like Shinji from Evangelion. Whoa. What's a white feather doing here?

White Feather: Neener neener neener. *vanish*

Millerna: So Hitomi's disappeared?

Dryden: Looks like it...Hey, wait a minute. This scene we're in IS taking place in the present, isn't it?

Folken: Yes. We're at now now. Everything that is happening, is happening now. And what's happening is.... umm...search me.

Van: I know what happened! Hitomi cut out and headed for home. And while I make a pathetic attempt to pretend that I don't care about her leaving, I'd like to point out that since she's gone, Zaibach can no longer use it's Fate Redirection Thingy against us.

Gadeth: Perhaps not, but they've still got that big honkin' army of theirs at their disposal. Speaking of which, said big honkin' army is heading towards this castle right at this very moment!

Emperor Dornkirk: Oh crap. The girl from the Mystic Moon's gone bye-bye. My Fate Redirecting Machine is useless now. Perhaps I could get an Imaginerium to buy it for use as a store decoration...

Column of Light: *FLASH* Plop!

Mysterious Girl Climbing Out of Guymelef: ...

Hitomi: What the heck was THAT scene all about? ...Oh well, back to moping...*Sigh*. Yukari... Amano...

Tower Card: Hi. Just thought I'd drop by again. Remember me?

Hitomi: Not fondly. What's going on here?

Allen: So, Hitomi's gone. But oddly enough, I'm okay with that. I've come to realize that the main reason I dug her so much was because I thought of her as a substitute for my lost sister.

Leon: People don't normally suck face with their sisters though, do they, son?

Allen: Dad! You're...um... looking very ....transparent this evening.

Mysterious Young Woman: ...

Allen: Holy Schnikes! My long lost sister just walked in! Speak of the devil and he, er she appears!

Mysterious Young Woman: You have no idea how accurate that statement is...

Meanwhile, back on Earth...

Hitomi: Hm. The Tower Card and the Ace of Serpents (a.k.a the Dragon.) Gee, if I didn't know better, I'd think my tarot deck is trying to tell me something.

Van: It's trying to tell you that you're as hopelessly besotted with me as I am with you. Not that I'll ever admit to feeling anything, in accordance with the Sacred Code of the Clueless Anime Male™. (To wit: Never EVER admit that you have a thing for the heroine until the closing credits are about to roll in the final episode.)

Merle: Oh stop torturing the viewers already! You and I both know the truth, Master Van! You love Hitomi!

Van: Do not!

Merle: Do too!

Van: Do not!

Merle: Do too!

Van: Not Not Not!

Merle: Too too too! Two times a million billion infinity!

Van: ... You suck, Merle...

Allen: So, Eires. Do you think you could take care of my mysteriously re-appeared long lost sister Celena while I'm off at the war?

Eries: Sure. I'm always up for another opportunity to inflict psychological damage on a naive and innocent mind.

Celena: Butterfly go...splut. Whoa. Mind go splut... Body go.... Um...I have no idea what's happening to my body, but it doesn't sound good...

Eries: Um, Allen? Did your sister just change into a man? Because I'm afraid that kind of thing really wouldn't go over very well at the palace.

Allen: WTF???!!!

Dilandau: What? Where am I? Jajuka! Why won't you answer me? Man's best friend, my ass!

Jajuka: Here I am, sir! Climb aboard my guymelef! There's no time to lose! (And no time to explain to the viewers how the hell I knew you'd be here of all places!)

Folken: What's that you say, Allen? Dilandau? Yes, he was a fate-enhanced freak engineered by Dornkirk's scientists. Why do you ask?

Allen: Oh great. My life has stopped being A Boy Named Sue and has started becoming The Crying Game.

Thousands of Rabid Fangirls: Speaking of CRYING....Our beloved Dilly-sama's a GIRL??!!! Oh say it ain't so!!!!! WAAAAAAHHHH!!! *Waterfall tears*

Hitomi: Meanwhile, I'm stuck in class, listening to my teacher give a lecture about Issac Newton. (For those of you idiots who haven't figured out who Dornkirk is, yet.) What's this? Another feather?

White Feather #2: Nyahhh nyahh! *vanishes*

Zaibach Sorcerors: Emperor Dornkirk! About the Fate Redirection Device: If we turn that bitch up to full, there's a good chance we can jiggle the whole space-time continuum thingy and bring the girl from the Mystic Moon back.

Emperor Dornkirk: Make it so.

Yukari: Hey, Hitomi! What are you doing? You have to go confess your love to Amano already.

Hitomi: Yes. I must go. I want to see him again. But not the him you're thinking of. The other him. The guy we haven't met yet. Farewell, my good friend.

Yukari: Y'know, Hitomi... That was an odd thing to say, even for you.

Van: I must see Hitomi again! To the Mystic Moon, and Beyoooooooond!!!!

Zaibach Sorcerers: Engaging Technobabble! Activating Fate Redirector Thingy!

Amano: Ready to make your run, Hitomi? On your mark....get set....GO!

Hitomi: Aw, geez.... I sure hope I don't have to relive all the trauma I've been through during the past few months. (At least this time around, I'll know which people are going to die in advance so I'll be able to avoid them.)

Hitomi's Pendant: *FLASH*

Escaflowne: *FWOOSHHHH*

Soundtrack: *Romantic swell*

Zaibach Sorcerors: YIKES! Did someone check to see if this Fate Redirector Thingy was grounded before installing it?

Hitomi: It's Van! He's came all the way over here on Escaflowne to pick me up! Never mind that this creates a hopeless continuity paradox which, if it were happening for real, would most likely result in the two of us never meeting in the first plac--

Van: Shhh! Quiet! It's the only really romantic scene we've had together! Let's not wreck it by nitpicking the utter real-world incompatability of Anime Physics. Let's just....enjoy...

Pillar of Light: WOOOSSHHHH!!!!

Amano: I think I've just been dumped. Here, Hitomi! You can have your weird-ass pendant back!

Van: We're baaaack! Hey! What's with the red sky? Were we accidentally dumped into an episode of Hellsing or something?

Hitomi: Ah, blood..death...destruction.... Welp, at least nothing changed while I was away...

On to Episode 25: The Absolute Fortune Zone