Episode 22: Angel with Black Wings

Folken: Oh, so this is the episode when y'all get to see MY backstory. Geez. As if the viewers aren't depressed enough at this point...

Asturian Advisors: Rhubarb rhubarb....political rhubarb....pointy-headed government official rhubarb....

Dryden: Sheesh. So THIS is the Brain Trust I get stuck working with? You're all a bunch of small-minded, self-seeking ninnies. As proxy ruler of this kingdom, I'm putting my foot down! I'm kicking ass and taking names! Yessiree! Here goes........ ECONOMIC SANCTIONS!! HA! Chew on THAT, Zaibach!

Van: Feh. Screw politics. Wars aren't won through sanctions. They're won through lots of mindless violence and the gratuitous kicking of ass. And I know exactly whose ass I'm going to kick next...

Hitomi: Van! You can't kill your own brother! It's...wrong and stuff!

Van: Piss off...

Hitomi: Hey, wait up! I haven't finished hen-pecking you yet!

Allen: Whoa there, little missy. Hitomi, thinking for yourself is allright and all, but if you don't start acting more like a woman, I'm going to have to put you in a birdcage someday.

Hitomi: Hellooooo, Allen. Girl with power to control fate and cause widespread death and destruction here. Probably NOT a good idea to piss me off... *Sigh.* So then... what is the deal with this Folken guy? Is he a bad guy or isn't he?

Pendant: *FLASH* Important plot point happening somewhere!

Van: You called?

Old Wolfman: Gotta message for you from Clan Leader Ruhm. Folken's in your old 'hood and he wants to talk to you.

Van: Can't... Having... Flashback Attack...

Balgus: Don't worry, Lord Van. Folken will come back. He will... He will... (The irony in my voice thick enough for you, kid?)

Van: RUN AWAYYYYYYYYY--Oh. Hi, Hitomi. You up for a dragon ride, tonight?

Hitomi: I'm assuming that's not some sort of double entendre and that you want me to travel with you somewhere. In which case, sure, I'm game.

Millerna: Oh dear. Escaflowne's flown the coop and Hitomi's cleaned out her room...

Dryden: So Hitomi and Van have left together...

Allen: Which can only mean...

Merle: Imagination...running wild.....Grrrrrrr.....

Moleman: Um, don't ask me what I'm doing under this carriage. You don't really want to know. Um, anyway, I saw Hitomi and Van leaving together.

Merle: NOOOOO! They're headin' straight to Vegas for a quickie wedding! I know it!

Allen: I wonder if they sell birdcages in "petite, stereotypically spunky Japanese high-school-girl" size...

Van: So, why'd you agree to come with me anyway, Hitomi?

Hitomi: Well...it does help the writers keep better track of us. Which is important especially now since we've come to those last few, all-important, "cram-as-much-action-into-the-episode-as-possible-while-trying-to-wrap-up-the-story-cohesively" episodes of the series.

Sorceror #1: The Dragon and the girl from the Mystic Moon are still together. Which we've come to undertsand is a bad thing, right?

Emperor Dornkirk: Don't sweat it, homies. Everything's going according to plan.

General Adelphos: Am I still IN this anime? *Sigh.* Well, despite what Emperor Dornkirk says, everything seems to be going to hell in a handbasket.

Steel General: Maybe so, but we're still a bunch of really cool-looking bad-asses!

Bronze General: A lot of good that does us, with the amount of screen time we've had. Even that rat guy who works for Dryden got more lines than we did...

General Adelphos: Gee. Something really interesting seems to be going on out here in this garden..... Why, it's a creepy, mysterious girl! What? They're introducing new characters THIS late in the game?

Creepy Girl: Snails......mmmmmmm..... .

General Adelphos: Oh. Mah. God.

Platinum General: Whatsa matter, General Adelphos? You look like you just seen a ghost. Or an extremely creepy girl trying to eat a snail.

Mysterious Dog Man: No. Bad. You no French. You no eat snail.

Creepy Girl: ....

General Adelphos: Okaaaay... Even for THIS anime, that was just plain weird...

Ruhm: Well, Folken. Here comes your brother. And he's got Miss Manic-Depression with him. I'm leaving now before all the hell which I'm sure is about to break loose, breaks loose. Bye.

Van: Grrr! Folken! Your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower!

Folken: So... You're mad at me. Right?

Van: Geez, what was your first clue?

Earth Dragon: GRRRWWAARRRRRR!!!!!

Van: Damn! This was all just a set-up!

Hitomi: Well, we don't know that for sure, but rather than argue the point with you, I think a better course of action would be for us to RUUUUNNNN!!!!!.

Folken: Let go of your anger, young Jedi. Drop your sword and the dragons will go away...

Van: Oh yeah. Like I'm going to be listening to YOU, Mr. Stabby McBackstab!

Folken: Look. Allow me to show you the light by way of this traumatic flashback here...

Van: Ooh. Another traumatic flashback. Yes. Bring it on, because God knows I haven't seen any of THOSE in a while...

Young Folken: Aha, you stupidy-stinky dragon! Prepare to eat three feet of cold stee--


Young Folken: Damn. I NEEDED that arm. Uh-oh. I'm dead.

Earth Dragon: Gee. The blue-haired kid LOOKS tempting, but... I really should stick to my diet. *walks away*

Young Folken: Yaaay! He went away! I'm saved!.....Well...Except for this hole in my side the size of San Diego. This MAY be a cause for conce--ungghh....

Voice: Come into the liiiight...

Young Folken: What th--? Who are you?

Emperor Dornkirk: I'm Emperor Dornkirk. Master and Mack Daddy of Fate. And I like the cut o' yer jib, young man! How would you like to join me and help me carry out my Master Plan to fill the world with peace and sunshine and puppy dogs and butterflies?

Young Folken: Sounds okay, I guess. Um. I seem to have had my hand replaced with a garden weasel. Was that part of your Master Plan, or was that just some cruel joke on your part?

Emperor Dornkirk: Oh stop whining. You'll get used to it. Just remember not to pick your nose with that hand from now on... And don't shake other people's hands either. And for God's sake, when you're in the bathroom, remember to never ever use that hand to wipe your--

Young Folken: Okay, okay. I get the picture. I'll become your fanatical disciple, then.

Van: So THAT'S how you started working for Zaibach? That's pretty pathetic.

Earth Dragon: I hate to disrupt your heartfelt little family reunion here, but... I AM a dragon after all. GRRWWAAAAAAAWWRRRR!!!!!

Folken: Hitomi! I need you to trust me and to help set me up in my role as tragic penitent in the final act!

Hitomi: Well... Okay. I trust you. But how are you going to get Van to trust you?

Folken: I suppose I could start by saving him from the dragons. And while I'm at it, I'll throw a bone to the patient fangirls who've been waiting to see what I look like under all these robes...

Thousands of Rabid Fangirls: Wooo! Wings! OMG! Pretty!

Hitomi: Black wings? Uh... Did the continuity people fuck up again?

Folken: Come on, Van. LOVE and PEACE!!!

Van: Oh great. ANOTHER flashback attack... But at least this one isn't TOO traumatic.... Allright, Folken. I have to admit there was a time when you weren't a jerk...

Folken: So you'll let me join your Evil Empire Ass-Kicking Club?

Van: Oh. Alright. If I have to....Hey, what happened to your wings? You fly through Los Angeles on your way here?

Hitomi: It's a plot point, dummy. One which the writers aren't going to go into detail about right now cause it's time for ...you guessed it...A CLIFFHANGER!!!

On to Episode 23: Sign of a Storm