Episode 20: False Pledge

Allen: So, Hitomi. Did Gaea just move for you, too?

Hitomi: Wow, Allen. That was some kiss. Uh-oh. Van is standing over there and he apparently saw everything. Hope he's not upset...


Thousands of Rabid Fangirls: Awwwwwwwwwwww...

Van: Thanks for the sympathy, girls. I'll reward you by taking my shirt off in the next scene.

Merle: Hmph! I told you that Mystic Moon girl was no good, Master Van. (Hide the joy.... Hide the joy....)

Hitomi: Welp. Looks like I've got this whole "love triangle" thing all sorted out. Yup. (And if you believe that folks, there's this tower in Tokyo I'd like to sell you).

Naria: Ha-ha! Take that, sister! I'm a way better duelist than you!

Eriya: Maybe so, but there's no one can who use arc-welding flashes to better dramatic effect than I can! So THERE!

Naria: Say uncle, er aunt, sis!

Eriya: D'oh. You win this one. But I still got to suck face with Master Folken so nyeah!

Naria: Ooh. How was he, sis? Let me lay on you suggestively and feel the warmth where his lips touched yours...

Thousands of Rabid Fanboys: Yes! Fanservice! FINALLY!!! It's about *&$(#%ING time!!!

Thousands of Rabid, Perverted Fanboys: Yes! And it's lesbian, sister-on-sister, catgirl fanservice at that! It's been a long long famine, but at last, we feast!

Eriya: I kinda wish me and Master Folken hadn't kissed, sis. Because once I did, I realized that the odds of him becoming non-platonic towards us is about the same as that of the movie "Jackass" taking home a Palme d'Or at Cannes.

Naria: Still.... we're a lot happier now than we were back in that flashback when we were kids being chased by psychotic townspeople.

Eriya: You mean, back when Master Folken rescued us and we rewarded him by sinking our canines into his one good hand? Gee. I sure hope he still doesn't have any hard feelings about that.

Folken: None at all, girls. Say, how would the both of you like to get really lucky?

Naria and Eriya: You mean, you're finally going to let us do the Horizontal Can-Can with you?

Folken: .......No. I had something else in mind. Something even bett--....well..... something different.

Millerna: Oh dear, that special necklace I was looking for seems to have disappeared... Hey...I wonder if this suspiciously moving chest might have something to do with it's disappearance?

Moleman: D'oh! Uhhhh. I'm not eavesdropping, or peeping, or trying to steal anything! I was just....trying to help you find your special necklace! Yeah... That's it. Here ya go.

Millerna: Oh, you lovable little voyeur you. I'd kiss you if you weren't a shrivelled anime version of Hans Moleman.

Folken: Here's the plan, girls. I'm going to suck out your mundane, ordinary, everyday blood and replace it with Lucky Blood. I warn you though, it could have dangerous contraindications and side effects...like, fr'instance...dying...

Naria and Eriya: Danger, schmanger. Hook us up.

Millerna: Um, Hitomi. I'm still really not sure about this whole "marriage with Dryden" thing.

Hitomi: Aw, come-on Millerna. I know this whole "arranged marriage" thing sounds about as solemn and as sacred as a drive-thru wedding at Ed's Vegas Poker Palace, but really, you've nothing to be concerned about. That's just your cold feet talking.

Millerna: Well, my cold feet are telling me I'd better get some psychic advice on what to do next. So how about it, Hitomi? I'll do whatever you tell me to...

Hitomi: I suppose I'm okay with that. (Unless the cards happen to tell me that ALLEN is the right man for Millerna, in which case I'm going to run right smack into a moral dilemna the size of Mt. Fuji.)

Millerna: So what do the cards say?

Hitomi: They tell me I've run right smack into a moral dilemna the size of Mt. Fuji. (But wait. I've got the ability to alter fate, so if I wish hard enough, I can probably change it so that Dryden's the right man for her. I'm sure my using the Dark Side of the Force to further my own goals won't result in anything bad happening. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?)

Entire Population of Asturia: That's funny. We suddenly just saw our entire lives flashing before our eyes. We wonder why that is...

Millerna: Welp. This is it. Here comes the bride.

Dryden: And here comes de groom. Damn, I look good. That Millerna sure is one lucky bitch.

Allen: *Sigh*. Another Asturian Royal Wedding and I'm on the sidelines. Again. Still, I'm looking just as handsome as I did during the first one so, go me!

Hitomi: Gee. I sure hope my selling my immortal soul to hook Millerna and Dryden up with each other will turn out to be a good move on my part...

Priest: Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us here to-gevvah, today... Mawwage. That bwessed event; that dweam wiffin a dweam...

Dornkirk: Well, separating the Mystic Moon Girl from the Dragon seems to have done the trick. It is time. Go nab her, Folken. Oh, and if your brother gets in the way this time, cap him.

Naria and Eriya: Don't worry, Master Folken. With our newly enhanced, uber-luck, we cannot fail this time! Look! Our veins are all glowy! Cool!

Vision of Asturia in Ruins: Hey, Hitomi! You know how you were hoping everything would turn out alright? Well....

Hitomi: Damn. It looks like I'll have to stop the wedding. (And here I was, SO CLOSE to getting through an entire day without some sort of horrible disaster happening. *Sigh*.)

Escaflowne: Meanwhile, I'm just going to give away my position to the enemy. I was tired of sitting around in that stinky barn anyway...

Hitomi: No! Millerna! Dryden! Don't kiss! *TRIP*

Millerna and Dryden: *SMOOCH*

Hitomi: Ohhh shit. THIS is gonna cost me...

Naria: Knock knock... I know I wasn't invited, but I just can't resist a wedding! By the way, could you all just be real dears and kindly die for me?

Allen: We're being beaten by a girl. And I suppose Scheherazade's choosing just this moment to malfunction is some sort of deviltry on the enemy's part. I REFUSE to believe it could just be poetic justice biting me on the ass for all those disparaging remarks I made about women being weak and useless earlier.

Van: The castle's being attacked. Time for me to fly in on Escaflowne and save everyone.

Eriya: Ain't gonna happen THIS time, Dragon Boy. Behold the power of my super, souped-up uber-luck!

Van: May day! May day! *CRASH*

Folken: Ha! My patented, fate-redirecting Sperm-o-scope is telling me that my plan is working! (Uhhh.... You know... There are times in this series when even I gotta say. "This is some WEIRD, fucked-up shit.")

Van: Dammit. What a crappy day. I suppose it will turn out that my loser brother was responsible for this. He is SO not getting a Christmas Card from me this year.

Folken's Voice: Is this thing on? Ahem... People of Asturia. You have just witnessed the power of Zaibach's new Enhanced Luck warriors. (That's right. We said "Enhanced Luck".... Stop laughing...) You will hereby hand the girl from the Mystic Moon over to us, toot sweet. Or else we're going to get really cheesed and go smashy-smashy on your town!

Hitomi: Oh no. This is all my fault!

Millerna: Hitomi? Your fault? XPLN PLZ...

Hitomi: Uh, the cards really told me Allen was the right man for you, but I kind of went and let you marry Dryden instead because I wanted Allen for myself. Which sort of led to all this disaster happening and our friendship becoming....well...strained... to say the least.

Millerna: Yaaaahhhhh.... I'D say...

Hitomi: So I guess I'd better try and atone for all this blood, death and destruction in some way, shouldn't I? It was nice knowing you all. I'm off to give myself up.

Dryden: Unnhhhhhharrgghhhhh.... Nooo....

Millerna: What is it, Dryden? Is it the pain from your injuries? Is it the sadness of having to see Hitomi surrender herself in order to save our kingdom?

Dryden: No. It's the pain of having to sit through another one of these @#^*-damned cliffhangers! Make it stop, Mommy....

On to Episode 21: Reaction of Fortune