Episode 18: Gravity of Fate

Van: So, the last episode ended with the ghost of my mother giving me this funky new energist. Hm. I wonder what could be so special about it.

Funky New Energist: **FLASHHH**

Escaflowne & Hitomi's Pendant: **FLASHHH**

Column of Light: All Aboooooarrrd! All those who are involved with the next major plot point! Fasten your seat belts, and please observe the "No Screaming" sign...

Hitomi: I guess this answer's Van's question. And I HATE these "column of light" things. It's got to be the WORST method of transportation devised since Northwest Airlines ...

Van & Escaflowne: *VANISH*

Hitomi: *VANISH*

Allen: Don't worry, Hitomi! I'll save--*VANISH*

Merle & Millerna: Oh, way to steal MY MAN, Hitomi!

Meanwhile, back in Vec--er-- the capital of Zaibach...

Dornkirk's Technicians: Blah blah.... casuality detector....blah blah techno-babble blah.... Fate Oscillator...blah blah....Energy ratio...blah...

Emperor Dornkirk: Allright! My cherried out new Fate Redirector is finally on line! Oh yeah! Let's see what this baby can do!

Fate Redirector: *FLASH* WHIRRRR (gurgle) *GLOW*

Emperor Dornkirk: Shoooow me da future!

Fate Redirector: Answer Unclear. Ask Again Later...

Emperor Dornkirk: The hell!!?? Why doesn't it work?

Column of Light: *FLASH* (flicker)

Hitomi: Where ARE we?

Van: Someplace we probably don't want to be. Oh, and it seems that Escaflowne has decided to cop an attitude, so I guess that means we won't be able to escape from here.

Hitomi: The floor's moving! Okay, forget what I said earlier. THIS has got to be the worst method of transportation ever devised!

Allen: Weirdo at 12 o'clock!

Emperor Dornkirk: Ahem, by that, I assume you are referring to ME. Welcome, pawns. I'm Emperor Dornkirk.

Van: Grrrrr. I haven't done anything stupidly rash in a while, so to remedy that, I think I'll greet you here in your own fortress by grabbing my weapon and threatening you.

Hitomi: Wait. You're Isaac, aren't you?

Allen: Isaac? Grrrrrrr! My name is Allen Schezar! You keeled my fadder. Prepare to die!

Emperor Dornkirk: Hold on there, Inigo. Before you do anything you might regret, wouldn't you like to hear about my fabulous fate-based plans to turn Gaea into a utopian paradise? I'll throw in some of my faaaascinating backstory...

Allen: Typical Villain. Loves to hear the sound of his own voice.

Hitomi: So YOU'RE a scientist from Earth's past who had once studied gravity.... I'm no historian, but you DO sound familiar....

Thousands of Anime Fans: Oh GOD. ONLY the Japanese would think up a plot point as bizarre as making famed 17th century scientist Isaac Newton into an anime supervillain!

Emperor Dornkirk: A-HEM! Anyway, once I came to this planet and had gotten Zaibach all straightened out, I learned about the power of Atlantis. I was then determined to make that power mine and use it to turn all of Gaea into a paradise.

Hitomi: But you made so many people suffer! How can you justify that?

Emperor Dornkirk: Hey, the ends always justify the means! Trust me. Everything will turn out alright!

Hitomi: Yes, if by "alright" you mean, "going ker-blooey in spectacular Death Star-like fashion."

Millerna: Meanwhile, the rest of us are just dicking around here at the end of the world, waiting for Allen and the others to get back.

Dryden: I've decided to pack it in and have us head for home, Princess. Don't worry. I'm sure the others will catch up with us soon. I mean, they can't be in THAT much trouble, can they?

Hitomi: No-BOOOOOOOODY KNOOOOOOOWWS. Deh trubble I seeeeen. No-BOOOODYYYY KNOOOOOOWWS my sorroooooowwww....

Van:Did they get you to trade/
Your heroes for ghosts?/
Hot ashes for trees?/
Hot air for a cool breeze?/
Cold comfort for change?/
And did you exchange/
A walk on part in the war/
For a lead role in a cage?

Allen: Oh shut up you two. It's bad enough I'm stuck in a birdcage with no bathroom access without me having to listen to you both sing.

Hitomi: I predict that Bad Things will happen if Dornkirk is allowed to use his Fate Director Thingy.

Van: Bad things... Oh, you mean like the heart attack I seem to be having right now?

Allen: They must've begun taking Escaflowne apart. You should just be thankful that energist crystal is its heart and not...well...another, more enjoyable organ...

Van: Dude! If my heart goes, I won't have any use for ANY of my other organs, enjoyable or otherwise!

Hitomi: ESP is a two-way street, Van. If you can feel Escaflowne's pain, you might be able to make it move with your thoughts. Here. I'll help you.

Van: Real ...ack....convenient of Dornkirk to cage us up within ....gurk.....easy reaching distance of each other.

Allen: Yeah. Methinks this Dornkirk guy isn't exactly the sharpest tack in the junk drawer as far as Evil Overlords go.


Emperor Dornkirk: They're escaping! Guards! Guards!

Van: Uh-oh! Enemy guymelefs! Allen, you take Hitomi to the roof! I'll stay here and take out the trash!

Allen: Fine. I've been wanting to get in a little hand-to-hand melee fighting anyway. THAT ought to impress the fangirls watching at home. Oh, and it was SO NICE of Dornkirk to let us keep our weapons too, wasn't it?

Emperor Dornkirk: D'oh! Okay, I know I may have sucked at this whole Evil Overlord thing up till now, but I'm sure the incompetent Legions of Terror I'm sending out will be able to stop the heroes from escaping...

Hitomi: Wow. You can see the entire city from this rooftop. Which isn't exactly a GOOD thing, seeing as how it has all the charm and ambience of a Cold War Era Communist Industrial Park. Yuck. I'm getting depressed just looking at it.

Allen: Oh well. At least we won't have to look at it for long, as it seems we're about to be slaughtered by Dornkirk's incompetent-yet-rapidly-advancing Legions of Terror.

Van: Hold on! Here comes the cavalry! In my super-sonic dragon!

Allen: Not to look a gift rescue in the mouth but, I don't suppose there's any way you could get this thing to go faster...

Van: I can try. Gidd-yap!


Allen: My brains... are going into.... my feet!

Van: Oh, shut it, you!

Vione Crewman: Incoming!

Folken: It's Escaflowne. And it appears to be traveling at Ludicrous Speed.

Van: We've gone to PLAID.... and I just buzzed my loser brother. ...Okay, we've escaped. What should we do now?

Allen: Well, first order of business, I think, would be for us to sit here and wait for our skin to catch up with us.

Hitomi: And after that, how's about your letting me breathe, Allen?

Emperor Dornkirk: Well, I may have lost 'em, but I've learned that that girl from the Mystic Moon and Dragon Boy have some mysterious connection which results in the two of them being able to fuck up my plans whenever they happen to get together. To remedy this problem, I shall have to develop and employ some of my goofiest technology yet!

Hitomi: Whatever. My powers of prognostication (and the fact that I peeked at the title for the next episode) tell me that things are about to be taking a really weird turn from here on in. Joy.

On to Episode 19: Operation Golden Rule of Love