Episode 11: Prophecy of Death

Hitomi: This doesn't look good. Prince Chid has put us all under arrest. I wonder if I could claim dimensional immunity, seeing as how I come from another world and all...

Guard: Wait here. Plactu will be by to question you in a moment. In the meantime, please enjoy our dungeon's creepy pseudo-East Indian architecture...

Hitomi: Man. This sucks. Hey, there's Prince Munchkin staring at me from that cell over there... Hey, Chid-o! You got us all wrong! We're not the bad guys!

Chid: As much as I find it hard to believe that someone as incessantly spunky as you could be a devious traitor, I must see what Plactu has to say on the subject.

Zongi/Plactu: Heh heh heh. Shall we begin?

Van: Hitomi has nothing to do with this! Why have you taken her prisoner? For that matter, why have you taken ME prisoner? I would think I'd have diplomatic immunity seeing as I'm the official head of a foreign country and all...

Borus: ...Not when that foreign country's a politcally powerless pile of burned-out rubble. And not when Asturia's just put a big whopping bounty on your head. Looks like you're screwed, Your Scruffiness...

Millerna: This is totally bogus! Allen's no traitor!

Borus: Riiight. Just be grateful we're not tossing YOU into the crowbar motel as well, princess...

Zongi/Plactu: So... You're from the Mystic Moon, eh? A planet you call Earth? Innnntriguing...

Borus & Chid: Whoa... Hea-VYYY.....

Zongi/Plactu: And you say you were able to use this "dowsing" technique of yours to fight against the Zaibach Empire?

Hitomi: Yup. My trusty pendant showed me the way...

Zongi/Plactu: Gimme.

Hitomi: 'Kay.....


Zongi/Plactu: ...The fuck just happened?

Hitomi: Welcome to my magical world of dark, scary-ass illusion. By the way, you've just been turned back into your original form..... Yowsa. Evolution sure hasn't been kind to YOU, has it?

Zongi: Oh sure. Rub it in.

Millerna: Well... THIS seems an odd time for those two to be holding a staring contest...

Zongi: Mommy... I wanna go home now.

Hitomi: No. You're going to have to watch this flashback of you killing the real Plactu first. Then I'm going to run some clips from your disturbing past. My my... Killing your own brother. It would seem that Fate has been even less kind to you than Evolution.

Zongi: Indeed. This is a neat power you have, girly. It's too bad I have to kill you now.

Hitomi: Oh? And just how do you expect you'll be doing that, Mr. Ancillary Character Whose Minutes are Numbered?

Zongi: D'oh! I'm sinking! Well, if it's curtains for me, it's curtains for you, too!

Hitomi: That's ridiculous! I'm the Leading Lady! I can't die!


Hitomi: AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!! I stand corrected. Or rather, I lie-on-the-floor-stiff-as-a-board corrected.

Millerna: Hitomi! Oh shit! Her heart's stopped!

Van: What's going on? What was that screaming all about?

Chid: Bad news! Your friend Hitomi just bought the farm.

Allen: I see, kid. I hope my suddenly taking you hostage doesn't do further damage to your already tarnished opinion of me. Open the door, baldy.

Borus: Grrr. This isn't helping your case, blondie.

Millerna: Allen! Van! Hitomi's snuffed it and my attempts to give her CPR don't seem to be helping any!

Van: Let me try... *pump* *pump*

Millerna: Yes! Yes! that's it! Harder! Harder! Yes! YESS! YESS!!!YESSS!!!
(Um, Van, when this is all over, how's about you giving ME a little CPR?)

Merle: No! Me next! ME next!

Allen: That's a nice technique you got there, Van. How about teaching it to ME sometime?


Hitomi: Okay. *coff coff*

Allen: Yaaay! Allright, kid. I'll let you go now. ( As you can see folks, threatening a child is an okay thing to do in an anime as long as the thing you're threatening him with is a non-lethal object.)

Hitomi: The Creepy Doppleganger. He's toast. And for some reason I'm not cool with that.

Zongi: I gotta get to Folken! *pant pant* YAAAHHH!! Gee. I wonder if my spazzing out here might have something to do with that freaky girl's horribly ominous and unnerving Prophecy of Death? Nawwww.

Hitomi: That Plactu who was here is a murderer and a Zaibach spy. He's also on a one-way express trip to Closed-Casket Funeralville, if my visions prove correct.

Chid: Gee. You may be right, seeing as how Plactu now seems to have mysteriously disappeared and all...

Van: We've got to find and stop him before he spills the beans about Hitomi!

Borus: Don't listen to him, prince!

Chid: Hey! I'M the one wearing the funny hat! I'M the one who says what goes around here... And right now.... what I'm gonna do... is take my knife......and walk over to Allen....

Allen: Aw, come on, sport... There's no resisting my charms...You know it...

Chid: *Sigh* Oohhh... Okay. I'll cut you loose. But only if you'll find that Zaibach spy for us.

Allen: That's m' boy! Urk... Um. I seem to be having a little gravity problem.

Van: I'll find the spy for you!

Hitomi: Count me in! That Doppleganger may be a murderous ghoul, but NO ONE deserves a fate as bad as the one I saw lying in store for him. (Wellll, no one except maybe Adam Sandler.)

Dilandau: So... You're telling me there's a girl from the Mystic Moon who can look into the future and the past and see invisible objects? Hey. She kind of reminds me of that bitch who keeps thwarting my attempts to kill Van. Waaaait.... Parsing info......Holy shit! It IS her! Well then.... Good job, Zongi....

Zongi: Ain't no thang.... Uhhh... It's kind of hard for me to leave when you've got me trapped in a gobful of Crima Claw...

Dilandau: You killed Migel. One of my homies, did you not?

Zongi: Yeah, but that was kind of in the course of my duties.

Dilandau: Yeah, well... I'm kind of mad at you and I'm kind of going to kill you.

Hitomi: We're not going to make it!

Zongi: D'oohhhhh! This sucks!

Dilandau: Well, if you've got a complaint, you're welcome to lodge it with the Zaibach Operative Employee Grievance Office. Of course, you'll have to find some way of doing it posthumously. **CRUSSHHHHHH**

Hitomi: AIIIEEEE!!!! Boy... it's a good thing my heart didn't stop THIS time as I imagine vaguely sensual CPR would be hard to perform on the back of a flying dragon.

Dilandau: It's Escaflowne! What a lucky break! After it, my droogies!

Van: *DODGE* Yowsa! Things are a little more dangerous around here than I anticipated!

Hitomi: Use the Force, Van...

Dilandau: Hey! Dragon Boy! Come down here and face me!

Van: *SWOOOSHHHH* I'm sorry, I can't hear what you're saying! I'm too busy kicking your ass! *SLASHH* *CRASHHHH*

Dilandau: My arm! It's just a flesh wound... Shit! He's got that Mystic Moon Bitch with him! I'll show 'er! *KSHHHK!!!!*

Van: Gee, Hitomi, if I didn't know any better, I'd say he's trying to kill YOU...

Hitomi: OH YOU THINK SO? Hurry up and get us out of here! I don't wanna become a kabob!

Van: Fine. **HEADBUTT** **ESCAPE**

Dilandau: Come back here and take what's coming to you! You yellow bastard! I'll bite your legs off!!!

Van: Well, we failed. Sorry.

Borus: No matter. The body of the real Plactu was found in the forest, as dead as a dessicated doornail. So you're off the hook.

Chid: Not that I needed any proof of your innocence. You guys rock!

Millerna: Way to lay the ol' charm on Prince Munchkin, Allen. Gee. You two are so much alike. It's almost like you two are, y'know, related or something.

Allen: Um. I thought we were reserving that plot point for the next episode, princess.

Borus: Speaking of the next episode, The King of Freid has returned....or the Prince or the Duke or whatever the hell he's supposed to be. CLIFFHANGER!!

On to Episode 12: The Secret Door