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Rico: Ha. I shall engage in tactical espionage action to get into the central district, since apparently around here a gigantic brute like me isn't conspicuous enough to attract attention.
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Kaiser Sigmund:
You know that it would be untrue/
You know that I would be a liar/
Laadadada da da daaaaah/
I forget how this dumb song goes…
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Fei: Cease this deadly auditory status attack immediately or I will hurt you.
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Kaiser Sigmund: Now now, no need to be so callous, Fei. I'm the Kaiser of Kislev and I need your help. |
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Fei: Gee. That's only the third time I've heard THAT pitch. Maybe you wouldn't need help if you spent more time running your country and less time diddling with your organ.
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Citan: That sounded VERY wrong…
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Kaiser Sigmund: Anyway, this may seem just a bit weird, but I'd like you to join Kislev's army. And here's why-
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Rico: *SPLAT*
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Kaiser Sigmund: -!-
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Rico: UH OH! THE KAISER HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!
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Kaiser Sigmund: MUTANT! GET YOU THE HOT BULLETS OF SHOTGUN TO DIE!
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Rico: Ugh, I'm going to get trapped. Hey, stupid guards! A little bird told me the Kaiser wants to see you. Go see him and leave this room defenseless and unguarded.
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Stupid guard 1: Uh, but isn't that abandoning our posts?
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Stupid guard 2: It's okay, this room can't be entered by anyone except the Kaiser, his wife or a dead-end subplot.
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Scanner: Dead-end subplot, confirmed. You may enter.
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Rico: Okay, that worked out. Hey, what's this smell? And why do I feel a flashback coming on?
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*BEGIN STILL ANOTHER FLASHBACK*
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Young Rico: Mother, why is it that I don't have a dad and I look like a freak and everyone hates me?
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Rico's Mother: Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up/
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now. *dies*
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*END STILL ANOTHER FLASHBACK*
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Rico: Yay, I have my motivation now. Surely no one else in this game has had as traumatic a childhood as I…
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Fei: AAA-CHOO! Hey, open up! What are you doing, Rico?!
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Rico: Forget it, forget it. But don't forget to grab that medallion on the chair, or you'll never get another chance to.
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Citan: That is three one-time-chance items so far in the game. Sadism, thy name is Squaresoft.
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Kaiser Sigmund: All right, who's the iffer heeby jeeby on the WHAT now? How did you get in there?
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Rico: Well, see, there's this tricky thing called a doorknob, and I just gave it a turn and…
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Stupid guard 1: No way, that door only lets in the Kaiser and his wife-
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Kaiser Sigmund: Yes, yes, we've established that. It doesn't matter, the scanner just screwed up. UNLESS THAT MAN IS MY-no, that's impossible.
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Tetsuya Takahashi: Is it? *laughs maniacally*
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Kaiser Sigmund: Anyway, take this damn dirty mutant away. He tried to assassinate me at the tournament, I'll let the Battling Committee deal with him.
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Fei: Uh oh, Rico's being arrested!
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Rico: No sweat, I'm sure I'll be afforded a fair trial and due process. See ya!
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Kaiser Sigmund: Well then, I'll be off. I'll be waiting for you to accept my offer.
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Fei: Uh, but you never did explain why you wanted my help-
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Citan: Too late, he is already gone.
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Fei: …kthxbyestfu.
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Part 21
Home
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