Part 14

Evil Red Gear: Um… okay. *SUPREME SMACKDOWN*

Ramsus: Argh, I'm not done yet! In the name of anal integrity, I-

Miang: Okay, Commander, methinks it's time to beat a strategic retreat.

Ramsus: 'Tis but a scratch!

Miang: A scratch?! Your Gear's arm's off!

Ramsus: No it isn't!

Miang: Well, what's THAT, then? *points*

Ramsus: …I've had worse.

Miang: You lie! Now let's get while the getting's good. Yoink!

Evil Red Gear: Hey, pirate! What did the omnipotent Gear say to the girly-man?

Bart: Um… "Who's your hairstylist?"

Evil Red Gear: Nope, wrong! It said… SLAP, BITCH!!! *SUPREME 1-HIT-KILL PIMPSLAP*

Bart: Crap, I'm about to die. And with soiled underwear, too…

Sigurd: Here I come to save the daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!!

Yggdrasil: *ZOOM SAIL SPLAT*

Bart: Whoo, doggy, Sig. As far as unlikely saves go, that one takes the cake.

Sigurd: Damn, I'm smooth.

Bart: …rrrrright.

Yggdrasil: *rumble levitate*

Sigurd: What the-we're flying again? Uh oh…

Evil Red Gear: Fooled you! Did you think a minor thing like a 10,000 ton sand cruiser falling on me was gonna do me in? Just call me the Harlem Globetrotter of mecha combat. *toss*

Yggdrasil: *SPLAT*.

Thousands of video gamers: We're not worthy!

Franz: Well, no coming back from that one, first mate, the ship's toast. The royal pirates are royally screwed.

Sigurd: Aw, and we're not even 15 hours in. Hyu-Cita-WHATEVER YOUR DAMN NAME IS, into the escape pod with you.

Citan: Oh, fudge. Looks like I am on my lonesome for now. Uh oh, what is the deal with this wreckage? Looks like 'his' work…

Thousands of video game players: Is somebody going to tell us who 'he' is now?

Citan: Nah. How about you have another cutscene instead?

Thousands of video game players: DAMMIT!!!

*Meanwhile, way the hell off in Kislev…*

Kaiser Sigmund: Greg Allman, eat your heart out.

Soldier: Sorry to interrupt your terminally bore-ass organ-grinding session, sir, but I'm here to report that somebody just gave the Aveh and Gebler forces a collective wet willie out in the desert. Oh, and we found that missing Gear. Thing is, there are a lot of things we don't get about it, because 'they' gave it to us.

Thousands of video game players: Who's 'they'?

Kaiser Sigmund: Shut up, we're being cryptic.

Soldier: So, like, aren't we going to invade Aveh and PWN them?

Kaiser Sigmund: Don't be preposterous, we'd overextend ourselves and lose to Solaris in the long haul. What's the point of winning a war if we lose in the long term?

Soldier: Well, stranger things have happened…

George W. Bush: … *hides*

Kaiser Sigmund: Whoops, here 'they' come. We'd better go meet 'them'.

Thousands of video game players: *eyebrow twitch*

Executioner: Here you go, pal. We've got a nice new gadget for you courtesy of the 'Ethos'.

Kaiser Sigmund: So why exactly do you supply us with free weaponry again?

Executioner: Now, THAT is a secret! But if you really feel like repaying us… *whisper whisper*

Kaiser Sigmund: O-kay, I don't know why she wants the missing Gear put in the prison with the pilot, but hey, who are we to refuse a mysterious weirdo demanding us to do weird things with our own property?


Kid: *kick*

Ball: *bounce*

Fei: What the crap? Where am I? And can someone adjust the vertical hold on that movie screen?

Creepy boy: You suck. Go away.


Fei:Guh…? Ugh… another unfamiliar ceiling… now where am I?

Doctor: Hi, you're in the prison of Nortune, capital of Kislev. And judging by the thugs coming down the stairs, you're also S.O.L.

Thugs: Come on, you're going to be 'baptized'.

Fei: I don't know if the name tipped you off, but I ain't no Christian.

Rico: You think they meant with water? Ha! You should be so lucky. The name's Rico. Hello, and welcome to Fight Club.

Part 15