Part 13

Fei: Look, buddy, I think it's pretty obvious that we've got the upper hand here. Now how about you cut it out so you don't get sent back to Ramsus in a pine box, huh?

Vanderkaum: You'll never take me alive, says I!

Fei: Okay, you asked for it. I have considerably less mercy for ugly guys with big crosses on their faces than for cute girls. *ASSKICK*

Vanderkaum: Curses! Mine self-delusional tactical genius has been foiled!

Fei: And now for the coup de-


Fei: Hmm, that can't be good.

Grahf: I am Grahf, the seeker of power. Doth thou desire an insipid speech that dozens of internet morons will hijack to create webpages full of "Grahf-isms"?

Fei: No, not really.

Vanderkaum: Sounds good to me!

Grahf: So be it! *GLOW*


Fei: CRAP.


Bart: Well, crap on a hat. We blew our big chance. Would it help to confuse them if we ran away more?

Maison: Well, they occupied Nisan, so we have nowhere left to run. And we haven't heard from Fei either.

Bart: Dammit! Who came up with this battle plan, Donald Rumsfeld?!

Citan: …I think I will just be over there in the corner…

Franz: Um, this is probably a bad time, but I thought you might want to know some big sand cruiser popped out of hiding behind some baffles and fired torpedoes at us.

Sigurd: Baffles?! There's only one man who'd dare give me the baffles… LONE STAAAAARRRRRRR-I mean, KAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRR-

Bart: Full right! Ready the noisemakers! Crash alarm! Use as much pseudo-nautical technical jargon as necessary to evade!

Yggdrasil: KABOOM.

Bart: Curse you, Franz! Even all your techie talk couldn't save us!

Franz: Oh sure, always blame the dolphin…

Ramsus: Sucks to their mocking. Now… what shall we do with them, precioussss?

Miang: Oh? You're not going to squish them like ants under your heel like you usually do?

Ramsus: It's not that simple.

Miang: Why not?

Ramsus: Because of this flashback.


Ramsus: Sigurd, you bring your bitch ass back here right now, or I am going to tear up all the Ricky Martin posters in your room and I am NOT KIDDING!!!!!

Sigurd: Sorry, sucker, I'm heading back to the surface world. Yeah, nothing personal, but I never liked Solaris in the first place. And all my posters are safely packed away, thank you very much. See ya.

Ramsus: Yeah, well, uh… you suck!!!


Ramsus: Ooooh, that bitch! Playing me like that… grr… demand their surrender. If they attack, there will be no mercy… not even for the posters!

Miang: -_-;;


Vanderkaum: ...

Fei: Phew, slapped him down again. Do we not have to look at his ugly mug in the character portraits any more now?

Pirates: Looks like it. But, um, we got a big problem back at the capital.

Fei: All right then, we'll just leave this innocent-looking wreckage here and-

Vanderkaum: Hey, pirates! What did the metal claws say to the Gears?

Pirates: What?


Fei: Grrrr. Uh oh, my tummy doesn't feel too good now, and we all know what happened the last time I got this kind of indigestion…

Bart: Well great, we're surrounded. Okay boys, we break out on my signal.

Sigurd: But young master-

Bart: Look, Sig, if we surrender we're as good as dead. Now shut the hell up and go make me a sandwich.

Sigurd: No one appreciates me… *sob*

Maison: Well said, young master! I can't wait to go out in a blaze of glory!

Bart: Nah, we've pulled off two preposterously unlikely escapes already, and we've got Video Game Logic™ behind us, so I'm betting we'll pull this off too. Here we go!

Miang: Aw, how cute, pretty boy thinks he's gonna get away. I say let him have it, Commander.

Ramsus: AM I NOT MERCIFUL?! Let 'em have it!

Gebler Crew: Roger, letting them have it-hang on, something's letting US have it.

Ramsus: Eh?

Miang: Something wicked this way comes… on screen!

Evil Red Gear: *WHOOOOOOOM*

Gebler ships: *KABOOM*

Ramsus and Bart: What the smeg?!


Ramsus: Zoinks, it's him! Let's go, Miang! Time to avenge my asshole's honor!

Miang: He couldn't take on two low-level punks and he wants to fight that thing? Well, this should be good for a laugh.

Evil red-haired guy: Are you strong?

Bart: Huh?


Bart: Um… look buddy, if you're looking for Dragonball Z, it's three soundstages down and-

Ramsus: Outta my way! For pride and sphincter, I challenge you, demon!

Part 14