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Fei: Look, buddy, I think it's pretty obvious that we've got the upper hand here. Now how about you cut it out so you don't get sent back to Ramsus in a pine box, huh?
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Vanderkaum: You'll never take me alive, says I!
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Fei: Okay, you asked for it. I have considerably less mercy for ugly guys with big crosses on their faces than for cute girls. *ASSKICK*
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Vanderkaum: Curses! Mine self-delusional tactical genius has been foiled! |
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Fei: And now for the coup de-
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Voice: DO YOU WANT THE POWER?
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Fei: Hmm, that can't be good.
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Grahf: I am Grahf, the seeker of power. Doth thou desire an insipid speech that dozens of internet morons will hijack to create webpages full of "Grahf-isms"?
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Fei: No, not really.
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Vanderkaum: Sounds good to me!
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Grahf: So be it! *GLOW*
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Vanderkaum: *GLOW* RAGE DESTROY. *ASSKICK*
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Fei: CRAP.
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*Meanwhile*
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Bart: Well, crap on a hat. We blew our big chance. Would it help to confuse them if we ran away more?
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Maison: Well, they occupied Nisan, so we have nowhere left to run. And we haven't heard from Fei either.
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Bart: Dammit! Who came up with this battle plan, Donald Rumsfeld?!
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Citan: …I think I will just be over there in the corner…
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Franz: Um, this is probably a bad time, but I thought you might want to know some big sand cruiser popped out of hiding behind some baffles and fired torpedoes at us.
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Sigurd: Baffles?! There's only one man who'd dare give me the baffles… LONE STAAAAARRRRRRR-I mean, KAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRR-
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Bart: Full right! Ready the noisemakers! Crash alarm! Use as much pseudo-nautical technical jargon as necessary to evade!
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Yggdrasil: KABOOM.
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Bart: Curse you, Franz! Even all your techie talk couldn't save us!
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Franz: Oh sure, always blame the dolphin…
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Ramsus: Sucks to their mocking. Now… what shall we do with them, precioussss?
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Miang: Oh? You're not going to squish them like ants under your heel like you usually do?
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Ramsus: It's not that simple.
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Miang: Why not?
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Ramsus: Because of this flashback.
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*BEGIN YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK*
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Ramsus: Sigurd, you bring your bitch ass back here right now, or I am going to tear up all the Ricky Martin posters in your room and I am NOT KIDDING!!!!!
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Sigurd: Sorry, sucker, I'm heading back to the surface world. Yeah, nothing personal, but I never liked Solaris in the first place. And all my posters are safely packed away, thank you very much. See ya.
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Ramsus: Yeah, well, uh… you suck!!!
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*END YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK*
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Ramsus: Ooooh, that bitch! Playing me like that… grr… demand their surrender. If they attack, there will be no mercy… not even for the posters!
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Miang: -_-;;
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*Meanwhile…*
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Vanderkaum: ...
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Fei: Phew, slapped him down again. Do we not have to look at his ugly mug in the character portraits any more now?
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Pirates: Looks like it. But, um, we got a big problem back at the capital.
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Fei: All right then, we'll just leave this innocent-looking wreckage here and-
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Vanderkaum: Hey, pirates! What did the metal claws say to the Gears?
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Pirates: What?
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Vanderkaum: SLICE!!! *ASSKICK DESTROY*
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Fei: Grrrr. Uh oh, my tummy doesn't feel too good now, and we all know what happened the last time I got this kind of indigestion…
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Bart: Well great, we're surrounded. Okay boys, we break out on my signal.
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Sigurd: But young master-
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Bart: Look, Sig, if we surrender we're as good as dead. Now shut the hell up and go make me a sandwich.
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Sigurd: No one appreciates me… *sob*
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Maison: Well said, young master! I can't wait to go out in a blaze of glory!
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Bart: Nah, we've pulled off two preposterously unlikely escapes already, and we've got Video Game Logic™ behind us, so I'm betting we'll pull this off too. Here we go!
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Miang: Aw, how cute, pretty boy thinks he's gonna get away. I say let him have it, Commander.
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Ramsus: AM I NOT MERCIFUL?! Let 'em have it!
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Gebler Crew: Roger, letting them have it-hang on, something's letting US have it.
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Ramsus: Eh?
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Miang: Something wicked this way comes… on screen!
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Evil Red Gear: *WHOOOOOOOM*
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Gebler ships: *KABOOM*
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Ramsus and Bart: What the smeg?!
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Evil Red Gear: *ZOOM ZAP MERTILIZE DESTROY*
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Ramsus: Zoinks, it's him! Let's go, Miang! Time to avenge my asshole's honor!
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Miang: He couldn't take on two low-level punks and he wants to fight that thing? Well, this should be good for a laugh.
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Evil red-haired guy: Are you strong?
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Bart: Huh?
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Evil red-haired guy: Ahem… DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND-THE-WORDS-THAT-ARE-COMING-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH? I-SAID-ARE-YOU-STRONG?!
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Bart: Um… look buddy, if you're looking for Dragonball Z, it's three soundstages down and-
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Ramsus: Outta my way! For pride and sphincter, I challenge you, demon!
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Part 14
Home
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