Fei: Oh, slow learners, huh… all right, outta my way. *asskick*

Gebler attack team: Youch! Thank you sir, may we have another?

Fei: No. Now lemme talk to my chick.

Elly: Oh, Fei, how lucky of me to run into you. See, I have an IOU for one asskicking with your name on it here.

Fei: Come on Elly, can't we talk this out? You know you don't stand a chance against me, considering I am a playable character AND a superior male and whatnot…

Elly: Actually there IS a way I could beat him, by using Drive. However, the last time I used it I took a bad trip and killed three guys without even trying. I must take a moment to brood on these troubling memories.

*BEGIN YET ANOTHER CREEPY FLASHBACK*

Random men: Come on, kid, have some Drive.

Young Elly: Oh no you don't! I just got out of D.A.R.E.!

Random men: Come on, everyone's doing it! Chicken!

Young Elly: I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey! Lemme alone!

Random men: Look, it's not like you have a CHOICE here… *pounce injection*

Young Elly: GRRRRRRRR-BAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Random men: *splurch*

Other random men: Don't feel bad about splattering those guys' guts all over the walls, they sucked anyway. It just means you're special.

Young Elly: Special? As in "little school bus" special?

Other random men: …we don't have to answer that.

*END YET ANOTHER CREEPY FLASHBACK*

Elly: ...

Elly: ...

Elly: ...

Elly: Okay, that's enough angsting. *INJECTION*

Vierge: GRRR-BAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

Fei: What the…? My, Elly, what, um, scary eyes you have!

Elly: The better to TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB AND GRIND YOUR REMAINS INTO A BLOODY PULP BENEATH MY HEEL YOU INSOLENT FOOL MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA KILL.

Gebler attack team: Geez, and we thought WE were bad drunks…

Vierge: Don't like my justice? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT!!!! *AERODS*

Weltall: Ow, that's gonna leave a mark.

Gebler attack team: Whoa! Turns out this chick could have kicked our asses seven ways from Sunday! Color us contrite!

Elly: WAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!! YOU SUCK!!! FEEL THE DIVINE POWER OF MY SCARY FACIAL EXPRESSION!!! *ASSKICK*

Fei: Ow, ow, OW. I better receive a SHITLOAD of experience for this fight… come on, Elly, knock it off!

Elly: NO! KIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fei: No, this isn't the real you! Come on, Elly, Just Say No!

Elly: NOW YOU SEE THE FOOLISHNESS OF LISTENING TO NANCY REAGAN!!!! AHAHAHAHA---crap, my high wore off.

Fei: Er…okay, that works. Ninja tackle!

Weltall and Vierge: *SPLAT*

Fei: Now that we've concluded this Very Special Thumbnail Theater Episode, Elly… what gives?

Elly: Uh uh, don't look at me like that. I told you I was going to kick your ass the next time we met, it's my job. Besides, you're a psychotic nutcase who blew up your hometown, you've got no right to lecture me.

Fei: And you're a traumatized bad-drunk who fights for an evil empire.

Fei and Elly: ...

Elly: Fei… we're both really screwed up, aren't we?

Fei: Ayep.

Elly: …so remind me again why we're not making out right now?

Fei: War's on. Busy. Maybe later. See you around Elly, and remember: "WINNERS DON'T USE DRUGS™" -WILLIAM H. SESSIONS, FBI

Elly: Look on the bright side, Fei… now that that little plot device has served its purpose, we shall never hear of it again.

Fei: Dandy. Oh, and get out of the army if you can… that look doesn't suit you.

Thousands of perverted fanboys: Uh, what planet are you on, pal? *drool*

*MEANWHILE…*

Maison: Oh dear, I dropped the young master's cup and it shattered. I'm all thumbs today.

Franz: Was it valuable?

Maison: Only as a contrived omen.

*MEANWHILE…*

Citan: Okay, we are a tiny squad squatting in a sewer smack in the middle of a city defended by thousands of Gebler troops, about to storm their headquarters and overthrow their commander. But, since I came up with this plan, I have no reason to believe there's any flaws in it, so let us get cracking.

Bart: To mi casa!

Shakhan: Don't you mean, MI casa? Yeah, sorry to burst your bubble, but we knew you were coming.

Several hundred soldiers: *TCH-CHK*

Bart: Oh……………… crap.

Miang: Oh, and by the way, Ramsus is off to annihilate those guys out in the desert, so I wouldn't bank on any rescues either. Hi, Hyuga, hi Sigurd. Looks like you just got… P\/\/N3D.

Citan: Urk.

Sigurd: Um, uh… if, uh, you let Bart be king again, uh… we'll be your friend?

Miang: Nah, he's not nearly dumb and easily manipulated enough to suit our tastes. We'll help you wax these guys, Shakhan, even though you suck.

Shakhan: Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence… all right pirate boy, you're going down.

Maison: HI HO LAND CRAB!!!!! *CRASH*

Bart: Holy Deus Ex Machina, Maison! You saved us!

Maison: You see, young master? Paranoid superstition has its advantages. HI HO LAND CRAB… AWAAAAYYYY!!!

Land crab: *SPUTTER*

Shakhan: ………………………

Bart: ......

Maison: I… uh… meant to do that. HI HO LAND CRAB… WALK IN RANDOM DIRECTIONS!!!!

Bart: Okay, in spite of the out of place wackiness that seems to characterize all the escapes in this game, you were pretty cool back there, Maison.

Sigurd: No time for compliments! Either we haul our asses out of here or they get smoked.

*MEANWHILE…*

Fei: Well, we're a small Gear force flying right into the enemy's teeth… I hope Gebler's got good dentists. CHAARGE!!!

Gebler crew: Ack! Gears! Shoot them!

Vanderkaum: No, how about we DON'T shoot them. Fire up our comically oversized big gun, and don't do anything till I say so.

Gebler crew: (The hell? We didn't sign up to be kamikazes!!!)

Fei: Come on, guys, make this a challenge at least. If my Gear had better soundproofing I could fall asleep in the middle of this battle.

Weltall: Oh, gripe.

Vanderkaum: Pack up your balls and load up your cannons/
For the 21-gun salute!

Gebler crew: Admiral, you suck.

Vanderkaum: Keep firing, assholes!

Fei: Sorry, but you can't, seeing as I just blew your main gun up. As stupid as advertised. Care for some A-1 sauce with that plate of crow, pal?

Gebler crew: Okay, screw this. We're not getting killed just because the admiral's got cannon envy. *flee*

Vanderkaum: I still have that… yes… I still have that… I still have that… yes… I still have that… I still have that… yes… I still have that… I still have that…

P. Diddy: *samples*

Fei: Fire, fire, fire! Heh heh-heh… cool. Well, that was easy.

Pirates: Hurray! We rock! Even though Fei did most of the work.

Vanderkaum: KILL.

Fei: Meep… well, I could use some assistance with THIS guy. *sigh* Why do I always get the druggies?

Part 13

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