Part 10

Sigurd: All right, Marguerite, we're happy you're all right, but… you got some splainin' to do…

Margie: Oh, you mean how I went off against the enemy on my own to save my fellow sisters against hopeless odds when it was a clear trap to abduct me?

Bart: Yeah. That.

Margie: C'mon now, you know how RPG girls are… having martyrdom complexes and getting abducted is all part of the job description.

Fei: Hmph. Well, I'm sure Elly would never go and do something crazy like that.

Maison: Well now, kiddies, let's get on the way to Nisan before Gebler gets medieval on our asses.

Bart: Slight problem: The door to the bridge is being blocked by a stuffed animal.

Rats: Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Not a stuffed animal!!!!! Margie, make it go away!!!!!

Margie: Oh my gawd, you two. You can take on Gebler but you can't pick up a damn doll and move it out of the way?

Fei: Hey now, sprite animation deficiencies are nothing to laugh about! I can't even pick up a cup!

Margie: Give me a break. And that 'doll' has a name, by the way.

Chu-Chu: That chwould be me!

Thousands of video gamers: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! GOD, NOOOOOOOOOOOO~~!!!!!!!

Chu-Chu: Hi there Fei! I'm Chu-Chu! Would chu like to go back to your bedroom and get all Yiffy with me? Tee hee!

Bart: Wa ha ha! Fei's got a furry fetish! Don't feel bad, man, I was the same way for a while when I was a kid and I used to watch Rescue Rangers.

Fei: Please kill me now.

Margie: Sorry, that would go against my religion. So anyway, as long as we're talking about bizarre attractions, I got the hots for Bart back when we were both little kids and he would get the shit whipped out of him protecting me. Then I decided to protect him, but he wound up having to constantly save me instead.

Fei: Ugh, talk about a one-sided relationship. I sure hope that never happens to Elly and me.

Sigurd: Well, folks, I have some bad news. That guy you two just beat the crap out of is the supreme commander of Gebler. If he has come down to the surface world from Solaris, that means things are going to get… a little messy.

Bart: Hey, I've got no qualms with it getting messy, as long as the 'mess' involves his guts splattered on the floor.

Sigurd: Sheesh. Anyway, Hyuga, I've developed two very painful headaches. One is named 'Ramsus' and the other is named 'Miang.' Got any cure for them, "Doc"?

Citan: Now now, stop being a whiny bitch, Sigurd. There is nothing to worry about as long as the young master has got two former 'Elements' from 'Jugend' protecting him!

Sigurd: Only one of whom is a 'playable character', may I remind you.

Fei: Ha! I shall eavesdrop! I am stealthy, like ninja. None can detect me.

Bart: Except me! Dammit Fei, I can't believe Sigurd's been keeping all these secrets from me. His punk ass is sleeping on the couch tonight!

Maison: Now now, kids, there's no time for sour grapes, let's head into Nisan so we can beat the gamers over the head with some more extraneous religious symbolism.

Margie: Yay! Maybe when the nuns at the cathedral see me they won't smack my knuckles with rulers!

Nuns: Marguerite has returned! We shall celebrate in a suitably Byzantine and unexciting manner! *sing hymns*

Margie: Aw, just like I remember them. Well, boys, I'm sure you're all exhausted from your work, so… let's take a hike around this gigantic cathedral and engage in some more interminable dialogue sequences!

Fei, Citan and Bart: Yay.

Margie: Okay, this particular area is where Bart and I used to hide from the authorities. He also used to say it would make a good "make-out spot", but I'm not quite sure what he meant.

Bart: Please kill me now.

Margie: On your right, please note the pair of one-winged angels hanging from the ceiling. Aren't they PWETTY? They symbolize the Nisan sect's belief that God made humans have to work together to survive.

Fei: Whatever. All I know is that if I hear an orchestra and some choir singing ominously in Latin, I'm outta here.

Bart: Bo-ring. Gregarious religious symbolism sucks. Next room please.

Margie: All righty then, killjoy… here is the room of Sophia, the founder of the Nisan sect and all around nice lady.

Fei: What the hey? Um, Doc, I'm getting some serious déjà vu here. Is it just me or does that painting bear an absurd resemblance to Elly?

Citan: Hmmm… why, so it does! What a wild cowinky-dink!

Thousands of video gamers Shyeah, RIGHT…

Citan: On top of that, not only does she resemble Elly, the painting style looks just like yours, except melancholy and anxious, and you will also notice the painting is not completed but rather runs off at the bottom like someone sprayed it with champagne at a cathedral kegger. In addition, the composition of the paint appears to be approximately 85.09% petroleum-based and 15.91% latex with trace impurities, probably mixed somewhere in the southern desert. Oh, and it was Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick. King's pawn to E-3, checkmate. Pick Door #2, that's the one with the dream vacation. And yes, that IS my Final Answer.

Bart: Remind me to never, ever, ever play Trivial Pursuit against you, Citan. Shall we go, Fei?

Voice: L-a-c-a-n…

Fei: Uh oh, I'm hearing voices. Oh well, it's not like my mental state can get any more messed-up than it already is…

Sigmund Freud and Tetsuya Takahashi: Wanna BET?

Citan: So, like, what is the deal with Sophia?

Margie: Hell if we know. That picture was painted 500 years ago and all records from back then have been lost. We know she was a sexy beast with a martyrdom complex and that's about it.

Citan: Well, pooh. Guess we will be forever in the dark about this mysterious woman…

Bart: Whatever. So now that we're done with all this talking, can we do something?

Maison: Young master! The people have graciously given us the use of a house so we can stand around and talk some more!

Bart: Aw, d~a~m~m~i~t! Well as long as we have to keep talking, Sig… how in the holy hannah are you connected with that prissy guy from Gebler?

Sigurd: Uh, yeah, about that. Hyuga-I mean Citan, here, and I used to kind of sort of live in Solaris, where we kind of worked together for the government. A bit.

Bart: Okay, and the whole "surface dweller" thing?

Fei: Not to mention the -Lambs- and the inevitable gratuitous hyphens?

Sigurd: One at a time! Solaris kidnaps, brainwashes and uses surface dwellers as slave labor, and not only is the capital, Etrenank, located in the sky, it's in a totally different dimension, so no one's even sure where it is.

Bart: Not even YOU guys?

Citan: Um… nope.

Bart: …Remind me again what I pay you guys for?

Sigurd: You don't.

Bart: Er, right… so… moving on… about the Ramsus guy.

Citan: Yeah… okay, we met him in the officer's school in Solaris… the Jugend.

Fei: Jugend? Isn't that the same name as the government youth organization in Nazi Germany?

Citan: Sssssssh! We are not supposed to know about that! And are you really surprised? Gratuitous symbolism in anime is not limited to just that of a religious nature.

Fei: Dang.

Sigurd: Anyway, we decided to be pals because we thought he'd change the system in Solaris… but he turned out to be a tool just like everyone else.

Citan: Yup. You cannot fight city hall, even in anime.

Sigurd: Oh yeah, by the way, surface dwellers aren't just slave labor for them… they also use them as guinea pigs for drugs.

Bart: Yeah, I guess that's par for the course for an evil empire… does that include the drugs they give to the Gebler guys? Such as that gigantic stash in that Elly chick's room?

Fei: Who's the iffer heeby jeeby on the WHAT now?!!?!?!?!

Bart: Yup. Face it, dude, you've fallen for a crackwhore.

Fei: Crap. Well, I'm just glad I'll never have to see her when she's roid-raging.

Bart: Whatever. I'm going to go get some fresh air, there's too many words floating around in here.

Fei: So, like, are we going to do something now? Like liberate Aveh with epic mech battles, possibly?

Sigurd: Eventually. However, since we're going up against a tactical genius we have to have a solid strategy, which will necessitate…

Citan: More talking!

Fei: God, I surrender already… wake me up when it's all over…

Part 11