Part 8

Fei: All right, let us get the operation underway. Bart will sneak into the castle, but in the meantime Fei and I must create a diversion.

Fei: Whaddya want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?

Citan: I will settle for you kicking everyone's butt at that tournament. By the way, Bart, try to be at least a LITTLE discreet, all right?

Bart: Hey, you know me!

Citan: And that is what I am afraid of. Let us go, Fei.

Fei: Righty-o. What the… Dan?! You're in the tournament TOO?!

Dan: Arrrrgh! It's Fei! You suck! Arrrrgh!

Fei: …do you normally foam at the mouth, or have you fallen behind on your shots?

Dan: Arrrrgh! Shut up! You suck! Die! I'll kill you! Arrrrrgh!

Fei: Great, I'm going to have to fight him at some point. I hope it's not wrong to be secretly thrilled to get a chance to smack his ugly ass around.

Mystery Guy: Well, I'm certainly looking forward to watching it, Fei!

Fei: What the-how'd you know my name?! Who are you?!

Mystery Guy:If I told you that, then I wouldn't be the Mystery Guy any more, now would I? Ta ta!

Fei: Urrrgh… too many mysterious people running around here… need some mindless violence to clear my head…

Shakhan: Good moooooooorrrrrnnnnnning, Bledavik! Are you ready to rock?!

Crowd: *cheers*


Michael Buffer: *files lawsuit*

Shakhan: Ah, hello there Ramsus, care to watch the-

Ramsus: It sucks. I'm outta here.

Miang: Oh, poo-poo to you too, Commander. I'll watch the tournament, Shakhan.

Ramsus: Impudence! It's all impudence I say! *storms off*

Miang: Whoa, hottie alert…

Fei: PH34R!! *smackdown*

Gonzales: Ow!

Fei: Bo-ring. Can I have a challenge now?

Big Joe: It's Joe Time!™

Fei: What the-I said a challenge, not some stupid joke character!

Crowd: No one disses Big Joe! *throw random items*

Fei: Ow! Memo to Tetsuya Takahashi: If you intend to bring wacky anime hijinks into the game, find a less irritating way to do it! *smackdown*

Big Joe: I'm too awesome to die! *flees*

Bart: *SPLASH* Bleah… second memo to Tetsuya Takahashi: It's not very easy to swim when wearing a leather jacket and pants. Ooooh, and I just know it's gonna chafe when I have to fight later!

Dan: All right, Fei, I'm gonna enjoy this!

Fei: Not half as much as I'm gonna enjoy this, Dan…

Citan: Wait, Fei! If you do not attack Dan during the battle, you will receive Alice's wedding dress!

Fei: Rats. Hey, come to think of it… Dan, what the hell are you doing running around with your dead sister's wedding dress?

Dan: Um… uh… nothing. Hey, look over there! *flees*

Fei: …there better not be any stains on this…

Mystery Guy: Behold! I will be your final opponent!

Fei: Oh, whatever. We all know my victory is a foregone conclusion since I'm the playable character. Let's get this over with, Mystery Dude…

Mystery Guy: That's Mystery Guy! And I think I would rather taunt you cryptically about why you fight.

Fei: Arrrgh! This is precisely the kind of existentialist psychoanalytical mumbo-jumbo I was hoping to avoid!

Mystery Guy: Ninja Vanish!!! *flees*

Fei: I feel so very unfulfilled. Oh well, I bet all the questions I have about that guy's identity and his dumb taunts will soon be answered simply and lucidly.

Bart: So this is the castle! Ah, back in my old stomping grounds at last.

Guards: Intruder!

Bart: Looks like I'm gonna have to stomp some HEADS… *WHIPS ASS*

Margie: Oh, Bart, you came for me! You're my wet, soggy hero!

Bart: You sure know how to make a guy feel gratified, Margie. Let's scram.

Margie: Wait, first I wanna grab this completely normal fuzzy pink doll.

Thousands of video gamers: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! NO MARGIE, DON'T TAKE THE DOLL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD--------------

Margie: Did you hear something?

Bart: Notta thing. Let's beat feet.

Ramsus: Except… no.

Bart: Ah, dammit! Stupid anime clichés!

Ramsus: Okay kid, let's play "Hand The Girl Over". Um, or I won't be your friend.

Bart: Look pal, there's only room for one bishounen in this castle!

Miang: Oh, give it up already… Prince Bartholomew!

Bart: Oh, so you know who I am. Well, doesn't really surprise me… I'm sure anyone who looks as slutty as you would get around enough to find this stuff out.

Margie: Grrrr!!! Bad Bart!!! No flirting with the hoe from Gebler!!!

Miang: Look, pal, let's play nicey-nicey and we'll let you keep your kingdom, okay? We don't give a crap about Shakhan, you'd make a perfectly good puppet.

Bart: Ha! Give me liberty or give me death!

Ramsus: Hmph. All right, death it is!

*One easy but rather tedious battle later*

Ramsus: Well… give… up?

Bart: Nope… but… do we agree… that having Miang and Margie constantly healing us… dragged that battle out a wee bit?

Fei: Not to fear Bart, I'm here to tip the balance!

Bart: Hey Fei, glad to see you… um, how'd you get into the castle so easily?

Fei: Shhhh, ix-nay on the ot-play ole-hay.

Part 9