Part 7

Fei: Okay, what's all this alarms and chaos about? I'm trying to my bishie-sleep here…

Citan: Fei, we are under attack! Could you stop sucking long enough to give us a hand here?!

Fei: Sorry, it appears I'm not quite done angsting yet.

Bart: Well, while that schmuck stares at his hands and mumbles, I'm over here fighting for the greater good! *BOOM*

Citan: Hey Maison, is that Gear over there unoccupied?

Maison: Yes, but it's in no condition to be piloted-

Sigurd: Just shut up and watch him make you eat those words, Maison.

Citan: So I finally get into the act… well, I doubt everyone expected me to have to go running around without a Gear of my own for much longer anyway. Time to kick posterior!

Heimdal: I don't wanna. *LURCH*

Citan: Do not make me put you over my knee…

Heimdal: Meep.

Citan: Much better. *BOOM*

Gebler Gear: *CRASH*

Citan: ....


Citan: Uh oh.

Bart: Hey Citan, how come these guys aren't going down?

Citan: Well… do not ask me how I know this, but Gebler has a policy of hopping its elite pilots up on drugs. In other words, we are essentially fighting a bunch of roid-raged junkies.

Bart: Grand. Now what?


Gebler Gears: OW!!! Run away! Run away!

Bart: …okay, that works.

Schpariel: You didn't think it was going to be that easy, did you?

Fei: Y'know… for a second there… yeah. I kinda did.

Schpariel: D'oh… *explodes*

Bart and Sigurd: Fei, you rock.

Fei: If you say so. Since it's clear I have nothing better to do, I guess I'll help you guys with this whole royal piracy thing.

Maison: Splendid! Now then, since Gebler is probably going to come back soon and attempt to make us all very dead, I propose we get on our way to the capital at Bledavik and rescue Margie.

Fei: Fine by me… say, we're not going to have to do any wacky initiations to the crew, like getting up and singing "In The Navy" or anything, are-

Citan: Fei, shut it.

Fei: Right, shutting up… so here's the capital city.

Thousands of video game players: Woo hoo! Massive city environment! Let's explore!

Gebler battleship: *WHOOM*

Ramsus: Or you could watch this cutscene instead. Damn, I'm smooth.

Miang: Commander? I think I just heard a sound akin to that of several thousand horny teenage girls simultaneously soaking their panties.

Ramsus: Yeah, I get that all the time. Let's disembark and get down to being evil snoots by ignoring the evil snoot we've ostensibly been sent to work for.

Miang: Works for me.

Shakhan: Ramsus, you rock.

Ramsus: Hmph. Watch me ignore you like the bad-ass bishounen I am, baldie. Ahem… Vanderkaum, you SUCK.

Vanderkaum: Um… it's not my fault! Shooting Gears is, like, complicated!

Ramsus: Always thinking with your artillery… methinks there's some vague Freudian metaphor in that. Ahem… go polish your cannon.

Miang: Yowch. Methinks there's some Freudian metaphor in that, as well…

Vanderkaum: Waaaaah! The Commander's so mean!

Shakhan: Now that you're done destroying Vanderkaum's self esteem, Ramsus, I would like you to be present for tomorrow's conveniently timed 500th anniversary celebration and obligatory fighting tournament.

Ramsus: I've got bigger fish to fry. Have you got the Jasper yet?

Shakhan: Only half. Our little girl is stubborn.

Ramsus: I trust you haven't been rough with her… everyone knows I'M the only lady-killer allowed around here.

Shakhan: Of course not. Though I doubt even a bad ass like yourself will convince her to talk… she IS a holy mother, after all.

Ramsus: Well, why not. I'll take a crack at it anyway. THIS IS ANIME™ and the clergy are just as fallible, if not more so, than the rest of us.

Margie: Hi. I like cake.

Ramsus: (…please tell me that's not a standard uniform for holy mothers…) Hi Marguerite, I'm Kahran Ramsus. Could you tell me where the other half of the Fatima Jasper is? *million dollar smile*

Margie: Sorry, Rico Suave, I dunno. Could you hook me up with some cake?

Ramsus: Very well, you shall have your 'cake'. Well, I think that went well.

Miang: Considering we didn't get anything out of her, I guess you could say that.

Shakhan: Damn, he's smooth. It's not fair, having a Gebler big shot from Solaris hanging over my shoulder. Now how am I supposed to get on with my evil schemes when I have to carry out THEIR evil schemes?

Margie: (SUCKERS!!!!!)

Fei: …we're back? WE'RE BACK! Okay! Let's explore the hustle and bustle of the city!

Bart: Whoa, big crowd. We'd better find a hotel pronto, 'cause I don't intend to sleep in a manger.

Nun: Hi, Prince Bartholomew. Margie's locked up in the castle citadel, and it beats the shit out of me how to get in there.

Bart: No prob, I'll think of something.

Fei: Actually, it's more likely Doc will think of something.

Citan: And think I did! Fei, enter the martial arts tournament and everything will be hunky-dory.

Fei: But I hate-

Citan: Fei, shut up and take one for the team. You know as well as I do that any martial arts tournaments in RPGs, can, must and WILL be entered. Oh, and do not use your real name.

Fei: FINE… there, I registered as the "Ponytailed Slacker."

Citan: ....

Fei: It wasn't my first choice, but "Johnny Bravo" was already taken.

Citan: ....

Fei: Okay, now what?

Bart: Now, I propose we return to the city and sample some "Bartweiser" beer. Oh, by the way, there's a bunch of underground waterways that lead from the castle to the city. Prime real estate for sneaking in.

Citan: Convenient underground waterway, check. Martial arts tournament to serve as a distraction, check. I would say we are primed for a break-in. Not to mention ripping off a couple of Final Fantasies.

Fei: Wait. Need bishie sleep.


Citan: All right, it is time to put our plan into motion. All we need is a suitably cool codename for our operation… I hereby dub it, 'Operation Rescue Margie'!

Fei: ....

Citan: I do not wish to see an ellipsis from anyone who registered as the 'Ponytailed Slacker'.

Fei: Touché.

Part 8