Part 4

Bart: And now for something completely different. Fire those retro-rockets, shoot the fruiton torpedoes, and, like, uh, make us go THAT way!

Maison: Um… young master, exactly what are you doing taking potshots at an unarmed Aveh sand cruiser?

Bart: But Maison, they're carrying that stolen Gear everyone's talking about on that ship! A pirate's got to get booty while the getting's good, know what I mean?

Sigurd: Young master, does the term 'loose cannon' mean anything to you?

Bart: Dammit Number One, I order you to go take a number two!

Sigurd and Maison: *sigh* They don't pay us enough for this.

Bart: Yippy-kai-yay, motherfucker! Fire!

Yggdrasil: *BLAM BLAM BLAM*

Aveh transport: *KABOOM!*

Citan: Well, Fei, it appears we have been shot by sand pirates and are going to sink in the sand and die. Isn't that just the biggest bummer?

Fei: Wow, what a way to go. I should have put the moves on Elly when I had a chance.

Citan: Giving up that easy? Ha, watch this. DOC SMASH! *POW*

Fei: Whoa, Doc knocked down the cell door! …I don't suppose it occurred to you that you could have done that several HOURS ago?

Citan: Look, Fei, we can argue about it after we have escaped the rapidly sinking ship, all right?

Fei: Be that way. Damn, the sand is waist deep already… and me without my swimsuit…

Sand: *WHOOSH*

Fei: Whoa, that was one narrow escape. Maybe I should change my name to "Indiana" Fong Wong.

Citan: I would advise against that, it does not quite have the right ring to it. Now get in Weltall on the hum, as our most recent miraculous escape is not quite finished yet.

Fei: Talk to the hand, killjoy-that is, after you've climbed INTO the hand. Here we go!

Weltall: It's gotta be the shoes! *leap*

Fei: Phew, we made it! You okay, Doc? …Doc? Citan?

Citan: Ungh… Citan…? Who is this… "Ci-tan" you speak of? *SPLAT*

Fei: …yeah, he's fine.

Citan: Just kidding. When they built THIS Gear, they apparently went out of their way to make even riding in the hand comfortable.

Fei: And yet there's no DVD entertainment system in the cockpit… cheapskates. Oh well, at least it's got automatic A/C.

Bart: Do tell. How's about you turn that fancy Gear over to me, Aveh scum?

Fei: Uh, hang on a minute, we're not Aveh soldiers.

Bart: Are too!

Fei: Are NOT!

Bart: Are TOO!


Citan: God, it is like kindergarten all over again. *sigh*

Bart: ARE TOO! Look, if you're not a soldier then how the hell can you pilot a military Gear? HUH? Riddle me THAT!

Fei: ....

Bart: That's right! Oh yeah, who's the man? My mama didn't raise no fool!

Fei: Okay, maybe he's not stupid, but he's sure got a hard head… guess I'm going to have to beat it into your thick skull. I…

Weltall: *POW*

Fei: AM NOT…

Weltall: *WHAM*


Bart: …um… are too!


Desert: *rumble*

Bart: Um… uh oh.

Fei: "Uh oh?" What's going on? And why do I suddenly feel empathy for Wile E. Coyote?

Desert: *collapse*

Weltall and Brigandier: *SPLAT!*

Bart: Well, ain't THIS a bitch. Trapped in an underground cave… hey Soldier Boy! Get down here so I can whup-what the… hey, you're not a soldier at all!

Fei: No SHIT, Sherlock, I've only been saying that for the past five minutes. How DID you figure it out?

Bart: Eh heh heh heh… you have to know me. Anyway, my name is Bart, and I'm a pirate. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum and all that.

Fei: …well, you sure look the part. I'm Fei, I'm the hero, and I hate my life. And this stupid Gear, even though it's the reason I'm not guzzling sand at this very moment.

Bart: Gee, sunshine, I can tell you're lots of fun to have around. Let's figure out how to get out of here pronto.

Fei: But what if we can't get out of here? I mean, suppose this cavern is just a pocket of rock carved into the earth with no connecting tunnels or-

Bart: Look, how long have you been in this RPG?

Fei: *checks play clock* Um… about 6 hours.

Bart: Then you ought to know by now that there's always a way out. Let's go!


Citan: Well, well. Fancy running into you of all people in a place like this, Sigurd.

Sigurd: I could say the same, 'Hyuga.' You don't mind if I call you Hyuga, right Hyuga?

Citan: Of course not. The people playing this game are already too confused by the fact that we know each other to be further fazed by finding out that I go by two different names. Where is that 'young master' of yours?

Sigurd: Oh, he started thinking with the wrong head again and got sucked into an underground cave with that other Gear. Not to worry, an excavation site is nearby so he should be back soon. Yet another timely coincidence.

Citan: Coincidence? NOTHING in this game is coincidence, Sigurd.

Sigurd: Are you saying something's going to happen?

Citan: Now, that is a secret…!

Sigurd: Great, I go from one smart-ass to another…

Part 5