Fei: Okay, so I watched my best friend die in front of me, blew up my town and made enemies of virtually every survivor there. At least I know things can't get worse.

Elly: *UNINTELLIGIBLE GIBBERISH* (translation: Throw your hands in the air, but do not wave them like you just don't care!)

Fei: Eh? What's your problem?

Elly: Ahem… Do-you-understand-the-words-that-are-coming-out-of-my-mouth?

Fei: I do now. I see, so you were speaking another language. For a second I thought it was just some more really bad English dubbing.

Elly: Don't get chatty with me, chump. I'm supposed to kill every -Lamb- I come into contact with, so tell me how to get out of this forest and then I'll shoot you. Sound fair?

Fei: Well, first of all, I could care less if you shoot me or not. Second, could you stop putting those dashes around words like that? It hurts my ears.

Elly: Oh, somebody's got a death wish! *BLAM*

Fei: Puh, you shoot like a girl, that wasn't even close. What's-a matter? Chicken?

Elly: No!

Fei: Buck buck b'GAWK!

Elly: Shut up! You suck!

Fei: Sheesh, hurry up and kill me already!

Elly: Hmmm, the reconnaissance didn't indicate Relena Peacecraft was in this forest… how odd. Er, what's this creepy little blue guy doing-GACK!

Imp: KILL.

Fei: ELLY! I'LL SAVE YOU AND PONDER HOW I SUDDENLY KNEW YOUR NAME LATER!!! *ASSKICK*

Elly: …you saved me?

Fei: Darn tootin'. Now thank me, ingrate.

Elly: Well, uh, thanks for saving me, but I'm still gonna kill you.

Fei: Hurray! She's playing Heero to my Relena! She likes me! So what's your name?

Elly: Piss off, -Lamb-.

Fei: Feisty. I'm Fei Fong Wong, and I suggest you say your name before I tag you with an unflattering and potentially obscene nickname.

Elly: Elhaym Van Houten, but everybody and their mother calls me Elly.

Fei: Puh, I knew that already.

Elly: Really? How?

Fei: It's a secret to everyone. Including me, apparently… shall we shack up for the night?

Elly: Fine, but I am *NOT* sleeping with you.

Fei: You'll change THAT tune by the second disc, ho ho!

*BEGIN WEIRD, BADLY-DUBBED DREAM/FLASHBACK*

Young Fei: Help, I'm in a desert all by myself… oh wait, the Spaceballs midgets have come to save me!

Faceless Guys: ....

Young Fei: Crap, they must be Sephiroth clones or something. Guess I'm not saved after all. Whine, sob.

Woman who looks a hell of a lot like Elly: Hey there, kiddo, give me a big hug.

Cross: *glimmer*

Elly: …and that's enough of that vaguely Freudian dream sequence. It's time to get the plot moving again, Fei.

Fei: Righty-o! By the way, how come you abruptly switched from a gun to a rod as your weapon?

Elly: Because this is an RPG and female characters aren't supposed to use weapons that can actually KILL people. Besides, you saw how bad my aim is already. By the way, why are you all semi-suicidal?

Fei: Well, it's kind of because I blew up the town I lived in and killed most of the people there. But it's not my fault! Those stupid Gears came there and started a battle! My problems are always caused by others!

Elly: No, they're caused by you.

Fei: Wh-what?

Elly: You're a coward who won't take responsibility for anything, even though this was really MY fault for landing in your town. You suck!

Fei: No, you suck! Now let me listen to Dashboard Confessional and angst in peace.

Elly: Be that way. Now if you don't mind, I have to go off and angst myself about accidentally killing people a year ago.

Rankar: BLARGH.

Elly: Oops, I'm a damsel in distress now. Better scream girlishly and all… ahem. EEEK!

Fei: Dammit, I can't take my eyes off her for a second.

Rankar: YUM, RPG HERO, MY FAVORITE. ALTHOUGH ANGST GIVES ME HEARTBURN.

Fei: Meep. Welp, I'm screwed.

Citan: Holy timely arrivals, Fei! I brought your Gear for you to use!

Fei: Doc?! It's almost like you were watching over me the whole time. And what's this about this thing being "MY" Gear? I hate Gears!

Weltall: Hate me all you want, but in the meantime, I'm going to save your ass.

*ONE QUICK-ASS BATTLE LATER*

Rankar: CURSES, FOILED BY ANIME CLICHÉS AGAIN. *dies*

Fei: Well, that all worked out, but I still don't want to take the Gear with me. I hate Gears and fighting.

Citan: Goodness, I had no idea. Now just suck it up and accept the fact that this thing keeps saving your bacon. There are thousands of teenage boys playing this game who would KILL to have their own giant robot, you know.

Elly: Uh… what'd I miss?

Citan: Oh, Fei here was just getting all heroic like to save you. By the way, miss, I can speak your language and I know good and well that you are in the Solaris military.

Elly: Who's the iffer-jeeby on the WHAT now? How did you…

Citan: Let us just say, I am perceptive.

Elly: Riiiiiiight. Is that a copy of Xenogears: Perfect Works in your pocket there? You better not be doing unwholesome things with that nude picture of me on the cover…

Citan: For pete's sake, I am a married man, girl! Now then, would you leave without telling Fei?

Elly: B-but I'm the romantic interest! I'm supposed to stay with him!

Citan: Nah, you are more of the "old-school" kind of heroine… that is, the kind that has to be rescued constantly. What is with this sudden spasm of guilt, anyway? I thought you Gebler types hated the rest of us.

Elly: Well, um, I kind of told him he sucked for blaming others for the village getting blown up, but it really WAS my fault, after all. I suck. Anyway, I'll be going now.

Citan: How touching… I think?

Fei: Good morning doc. By the way, I know Elly left already and that she's a soldier from Solaris 'cause I heard some of your conversation

Citan: Hmm, it seems I am not the only shifty character in this game. By the way, check out the huge-ass Gebler battleship flying over us right now.

Fei: Ooooh, shiny. How's the village?

Citan: Oh, my wife took them all to a certain place so there is no need to worry. Now let us head for the Aveh desert so we can fix Weltall. You are going to need it again soon.

Fei: Certain place? Go to Aveh? Doc, why don't you just flat out tell me what the hell's going on?

Citan: Fei… you just do not get this whole "plot development" thing, do you?

Part 3

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