*Each time Spike has a flashback.

*Each time Spike rushes headlong into danger without thinking. (A quick way to die of asphyxiation, if you happen to really be playing along with cigarettes....)

*Each time Spike kicks something to make it work. Take TWO puffs if such kicking actually improves it's performance.

*Each time Spike uses his sleight of hand skills to steal something/stash something somewhere....

*Each time Spike does that "Bang" thing with his finger.

*Each time Spike mentions the fact that he hates children, animals, and women with attitudes.

*Each time Spike mentions his spiritual mentor Bruce Lee.

*Each time Spike abuses his ship, the Swordfish II, or pushes it to its limit.

*Each time Spike's wrapped up in bandages like a mummy.

*Each time Spike faces off unarmed against a large group of men and manages to kick their asses with his jeet-kune-do skills. (Smoke a carton for every opponent he meets whom he can NOT defeat with his jeet-kune-do skills).

*Each time Spike faces off against an army of machine-gun toting men armed with nothing but a pistol --and wins.

*Each time Spike says "Whatever happens, happens"...

*Each time Spike finds himself trapped in a situation from which he cannot possibly escape alive, and escapes alive.

*Each time you find yourself wondering if Spike is Jewish because of his last name.

*Each time Spike goes utterly ballistic and opens up a can of whoop-ass on everything and everyone in sight.

*Each time a little guy with glasses tries to kick Spike's ass. (contributed by goth cowboy)

*Each time Spike acts like a lovable smart-ass (Oy. THAT one will cause asphyxia too...)

*When ever Spike swallows his cigarette. Smoke a whole carton if he spits it back up. (contributed by Bill Carson)

Jet Black

*Each time Jet cooks. Take two puffs if what he's cooking actually has beef in it.

*Each time Jet waters/prunes his bonsai trees. Take two puffs if if he lets someone else water his bonsai trees.

*Smoke an entire pack if he's actually talking to his bonsai trees.

*Each time Jet calls up one of his old police buddies at the ISSP for assistance/advice. Take two puffs if he meets with them personally.

*Each time Jet puts some low-level thug into a cybernetic armlock in order to pump some information out of them. (Take two puffs if he actually ends up killing the guy.)

*Each time Jet mentions his spiritual mentor, jazz legend Charlie Parker.

*Each time Jet bitches at Faye for complaining/criticizing his ship.

*Each time Jet bitches at Spike for rushing headlong into danger without thinking.

*Each time Jet makes mention of the arm he lost, or of the explanation behind his losing it.

*Each time Jet has to rush in and save Spike's butt from certain annihilation. (Yet another quick way to get asphyxiated if you happen to be actually playing along with cigarettes).

*Each time someone refers to Jet, (or he refers to himself,) as the Black Dog.

*Each time Jet gruffly dispenses sage, world-weary advice.

*Each time you hear his name and think, " Jet Black...Yeah....SURE that's his real name...."

*Smoke a pack each time you see Jet in an over-the-top, silly situation. (Dressed as a hippie, wearing lipstick, standing in a line with a screaming gaggle of small children, etc.)

*Each time Faye cheats at anything.

*Each time Faye steals food. Take two puffs if it isn't human food.

*Each time Faye whines about how something on the Bebop isn't functioning properly.

*Each time Faye loses all of her money at a casino/racetrack.

*Each time Faye mentions her enormous debt. Take two puffs if she actually happens to be bragging about it.

*Each time Faye is seen on the run from her creditors.

*Each time Faye uses some secret device hidden upon her person to contact her ship, communicate with someone, pick locks, cheat at dice, etc.....

*Each time Faye finds herself in handcuffs.

*Each time Faye is seen sitting on the john or standing in the bathroom. (Take two puffs if she's all wrapped up in toilet paper.)

*For every time you look at Faye's outfit and say to yourself "YEESH! Those suspenders have got to HURT when she sits down!"

*Each time Faye uses her sex appeal to weasel something out of someone or to get them to lower their guard down.

*Each time Faye remembers something about her own past.

*Each time Faye does her little "irritated eye-twitch" thing.

*Each time a really younger version of Faye is shown.

*Each time Faye rushes headlong into danger without regard for her own safety. Smoke a whole cigarette if it's to rescue Spike or another member of the Bebop crew.

*Each time Faye harasses or hurls abuse at any other member of the Bebop crew.

*Smoke an entire pack each time Faye stops being a self-centered loudmouth and starts looking serious and introspective, like the innocent, vulnerable woman she really is....

*Take a puff each time you see Faye Valentine in a sexually exploitative position or nude. (Make sure you cover the eyes of anybody in the room under 18.) Smoke a whole cartoon if you say "Wow wee she is hot" (and prepare to get punched by your fellow female otaku for such sexist antics -__-). Stop smoking when you find yourself being chased around by Faye or by any other Members of the bebop crew or anything else that you find is strange. (Contributed by Paul Griffin.)

*Each time Ed calls herself by her full name, "Edward, Wong Hau Pepelu-whateverthehellitis...."

*Each time Ed acts like she's from another solar system....On second thought, (if you've managed to avoid asphyxiation thus far and wish to avoid it further), take a puff each time Ed DOESN'T act like she's from another solar system.

*Each time Ed refers to herself in the third person.

*Each time Ed reverts to a feral state. (Walking on all fours, growling, biting people, etc.)

*Each time Ed types on a keyboard with anything other than her fingers.

*Each time you find yourself wondering, "What the hell is the deal with those spots on her cheeks?"

*Each time Ed hacks into a computer or a file using her little "Ghosty Things".....

*Each time Ed uses her hacking skills to take over the navigation controls on the Bebop.

*Each time Ed pisses Faye off by calling her, "Faye-Faye".

*Each time Ed rattles off a bizarre, non-sequitor little rhyme. (Oya, THAT'LL get'cha...)

*Each time Ed draws that big calling-card "Happy-Face" of hers.

*Each time Ed is seen bonding with Ein.

*Each time you find yourself thinking, "Gee, that spontaneous and savantish behavior sure is cute now, but once she hits 30, boy, it ain't gonna be pretty...."

*Smoke an entire carton every time Ed acts like a normal, rational, well-adjusted child.

*Each time Ein acts like he's smarter than all the humans around him put together.

*Each time his talents as a "Data Dog" come in handy.

*Whenever he demonstrates communication skills that are even better than Lassie's ("What's that, boy? Spike's trapped under a rock in a well? Down in Dead Rock Canyon?")

*Each time you see him with his cute smile and stubby little legs and think "Awwwwwwwww".

*Each time he can sense a danger that the rest of the crew is oblivious to.

*Each time you see him walking in zero-G. (that is so gosh darn cute! those little legs moving around in the air...)(suggested by Lisa Z.)

*Each time you see him and his creepy bird isn't with him.

*Each time you see him in a flashback acting all buddy-buddy with someone who's now become one of his mortal enemies.

*Each time he finds himself in a situation from which he couldn't possibly escape, and he does. Take two puffs if his escape was aided by his creepy bird.

*Each time he says something utterly chilling. Take two puffs if said words are then followed by a sword slash and a fountainous spurting of blood.

*Every time you see him standing in front of or on top of the Red Dragon Crime Syndicate Logo.

*Smoke a pack at the point in the series when you first realize he is Spike's foil, his shadowy doppleganger; his "Dark Side of the Force" to Spike's "Light Side of the Force", etc., etc.....

*The first time you see her and she's NOT in a flashback.

*Each instance when you see her tearing up pieces of paper and throwing them out of a window.

*Each time you see her in bed with someone. (Heh. Smoking a cigarette seems like kind of an apropo thing to do at a point like that, eh?)

*Each time you see her luxurious blonde hair and think, "Damn! She could make a fortune hawking Paul Mitchell products..."

*Each time she has that look on her face, as if to say, "Yeah, I'm the tragic figure around which the action in this entire series ultimately revolves. Yup, that's me. The one causing all of Spike's spiritual malaise, angst, and internalized anger. Right here. Yer lookin' at her........"

Take a puff--

*If the fast-forward button on your remote hasn't been used in ages because you find the opening and ending sequences of the series just so damn cool to listen to!

*For every scene in which the music on the soundtrack seems completely inappropriate for what's happening on the screen. Take two puffs if, despite this strange juxtaposition, the scene manages to "work" anyway....

*For every song with English lyrics that you hear being sung by an actual honest-to-God- native English speaker.

*For every song you hear where the lyrics being sung are neither in English OR in Japanese...

*For every time you find yourself losing track of what's happening on the screen because you're too busy jamming to the soundtrack.

*If you smoke in your car, take a puff every time you reach to put your seatbelt on and think "Hey! The Seatbelts! Those were the guys who did the music for Cowboy Bebop!"

*Smoke a whole cigarette (and consider yourself a real otaku) if , while watching CB,you find yourself and your friends suddenly discussing Yoko Kanno's other orchestral works. (The soundtracks to Escaflowne, Brain Powered, Macross Plus, etc.) ------If, at some point, you find yourself and your friends slipping into a heated tirade against the FOX Network for the trashing they gave to Yoko Kanno's Escaflowne soundtrack when they broadcast the show here in the States, stick a pack of cigarettes into your mouth, light them all and inhale deeply until you reach a blissful, pain-free state of unconsciousness....

Any comments? Praise? Pizza recipes? Send them to dietzt@REMOVEMEcloudnet.com.
(And remember to remove the REMOVEME.)