Episode 5: Fail? Kakashi's Conclusion

In our LAST episode...

Sasuke: Aha! Sensei's distracted! Here's my chance! *throws knives & shurikens*

Kakashi: *Is turned into sashimi*

Sasuke: PWNED!

Kakashi: *turns into a log*

Sasuke: What th--?! Oh great. I was head-faked. I suppose the real McCoy is waiting around ready to pounce on me..

Kakashi: Naw, I think I'll go over and head-fake Sakura instead. Oh, SakuraaaaaaaaaaaaDOESMYSNEAKINGUPBEHINDYOULIKETHISSURPRISEYOUOOGABOOGABOOGA!!!!!????


Kakashi: That's a YES, I take it...

Naruto: Well I, for one, am through being dicked around with! *cuts himself down* Yessir, From this moment on, I'm gonna start paying attention and not fall for any more--



Admiral Ackbar : IT'S---

Naruto: --I know! I KNOW!!....*sigh.* I hate being the comic relief...

Sakura : This is it. I'm screwed.

Kakashi: *vanishes in a swirl of leaves*

Sakura: Oh...well... I guess I'm not screwed after all.

Vision of Sasuke: No, but I am, unless someone can come up with a cure for 157 stab wounds...


Kakashi: That was WAY easier than it should have been...

Sasuke: Feh. I wouldn't have fallen for a cheap illusion like that. Because I don't suck.

Kakashi: Izzat so?

Sasuke: Ulp! *throws shurikens*

Kakashi: That won't work. *dodge*

Sasuke: This trap might...

Kakashi: *dodge* Nope. Didn't stop me--

Sasuke: But it DID slow you down--

Kakashi: Well well. I see I might have to actually start paying attention here...

Sakura: *wake up noise* Whazzuh? OHMYGODISAWSASUKEDYINGAND.......what the hell is going on around here?

Naruto: Not much. I'm still hanging from the tree. *sigh.* Oh well. At least from up here I can get a nice view of--LUNCH! THAT'S OUR LUNCH sitting on that weird stone over there! Okay. it's time to think of a cunning plan!

Naruto's brain: *wake up noise* Whazzuh?..Why are we upside down?

Naruto: Come on, brain. Work with me.....

Kakashi: Well, Mr. Top-of-the-Class, I can see that you really ARE different from the others--

Sasuke: In that, I actually stand a good chance of ruining your shit. Speaking of which, EAT FIREBALL!!!!

Fireball: **CRACKLE** **DISPERSE**

Sasuke: He's disappeared!

Kakashi: Thank you! Thank you! For my next trick, I shall reenact the last scene from the movie, Carrie! Now I'll need a volunteer from the audience! *grab*

Sasuke: Yeep!


Kakashi: Ta -daaaa! Show's over! Consider yourself PWNED, genius!

Sasuke: Damn. I suck.

Female Classmates: Heh. I don't NEED to grab a bell in order to eat lunch! Way to "think outside the box" me!

Kakashi: Um, I don't think you've quite grasped the concept...

Naruto: ...mother....

Sasuke: Okay, I've just been pimped to within an inch of my life and I'm stuck in the ground up to my neck. At least my level of humiliation can't get any worse.


Sasuke: *Sigh.* I hate my life...

Sakura: Unnhhh... I am SO gonna need therapy after this. Huh? Sasuke? You're alive! *glomp*

Sasuke: No touchie!

Sakura: Eep. Sorry... Look. It's hopeless. Why don't we give up?

Sasuke: I can't. I'm a Dark Avenger. Failure is not an option.

Sakura: But being an asshole to your partners IS, apparently... Hey, this whole "dark avenger" thing wouldn't have anything to do with that man you're trying to kill, would it?

Alarm Clock: BUZZZZ!!

Sasuke: Damn! Thank you SO MUCH for wasting my time, bitch.....

Sakura: You DO realize your jerkitude only makes me want you all the more.

Naruto: Aw man. Why is it the girls always prefer the Assholes over the Nice Guys? And why is it that I'm the one who winds up tied to the log?

Kakashi: Awwwwww. Are we feeling hungry and cranky?

Sakura: Hungry...

Sasuke: Cranky...

Naruto: --AND uncomfortable!

Kakashi: Well, I have the results of your test...It turns out none of you have to return to the academy!

Naruto, Sakura & Sasuke: EXCELLEEEEENT!

Kakashi: Because you all suck! You should all quit being ninjas right now!

Naruto, Sakura & Sasuke: Bogus...

Iruka: Yup. That Kakashi's a real hardass allright...

3rd Hokage: Yes, but he has good judgement.

Naruto: Like HELL! He's gonna make us quit just because we couldn't get a stupid bell?

Kakashi: No, I'm going to make you quit because you're a bunch of selfish bratlings who wouldn't know how to work together if you were all dumped into a wet paper bag and told to punch your way out of it!

Sasuke: GRR! YOU DIE NOW!!!!

Kakashi: TAKEDOWN!!!

Sasuke: Glurk!

Sakura: Hey! Leave my cold, insensitive future boyfriend alone!

Kakashi: Geez, You guys suck so much, that you don't even know WHY you suck! Just why did you think we made you train in groups? It was so that you would learn how to work together! DUH!

Sakura: But if one person had to FAIL the test, how did you expect us to work together? One of us would have to have been a sacrificial lamb!

Kakashi: Bingo! Being a ninja isn't about showing off! It's about doing what it takes to get the job done! What, did you all think that ninja-ing was going to be a pleasant walk to the Ramen Shop?

Naruto: Well, I was sort of hoping that ramen would be involved somehow...

Kakashi: Gah! Being a ninja is about putting one's life on the line! Like, YOUR life, for instance, Naruto...

Naruto: Not the face! Not the face!

Kakashi: Just kidding, I won't kill you, but you can see where I'm going with this...

Naruto: I can see why none of your former students ever nominated you for any "Teacher of the Year" awards...

Kakashi: Speaking of awards, the people whose names are written on this stone over here have all won a special honor for their heroic deeds--

Naruto: Ooh! I wanna be like them!

Kakashi: --deeds which cost them their lives in combat!

Naruto: Ulp. Scratch that... I was sort of hoping my "being a hero" wouldn't have to include my "being dead."

Kakashi: I'm sure there are lot of people on that stone who felt the same way, kid. Anyway, I'm going to give you all one more chance to get the bell after lunch. Which YOU will not be eating, Naruto, because you tried to steal it. It's instant fail to anyone who feeds him, got it? Now I'm just going to wander off for no reason and trust that you'll be whipped enough to follow the rules...

Naruto: No food? Gargh! Suddenly, that whole "being dead" thing doesn't sound quite so bad...

3rd Hokage: Iruka, I hope you won't hold it against Kakashi if he doesn't pass Naruto...

Iruka: Oh, I'm not worried. I'm sure Naruto will come through this with flying col--oh who am I kidding? Steven Hawking would have a better chance of becoming a ninja....

Naruto: Hey, I'm not doing too badly. And I'm not in the least bit hungry...


Naruto: Shut up.

Sasuke: Here. Take MY food...

Sakura: Oh sure. You'll be nice to him...

Sasuke: Hey. We'll ALL have to work together to pull this off, and we've got no hope of sneaking up on Sensei if Naruto's stomach is sounding off like Godzilla after a groin injury...

Sakura: You're right. Here. Take my food, too.

Naruto: *sniff* I don't know what to say...

Sakura: Say nothing. Eat.

Naruto: Can't. I'm tied up.

Sakura: Oh very well. Hold still and I'll feed you.

Naruto: Ooh kinky. This is just like that scene in 9-1/2 weeks.

Sakura: Shut up and eat. Or you will be in PAIN for 9-1/2 weeks...

Naruto: Gulp! *swallow*

Kakashi: BUSTED!!!!

Sakura: Eeeeek!


Sakura: But we were just trying to help him out--

Sasuke: --so he wouldn't slow us down...

Naruto: You know... Teamwork.....All for one and one for all? Heh heh...


Naruto, Sakura & Sasuke: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Kakashi: Congratulations. You passed. ^_^

Naruto, Sakura & Sasuke: OHGODHELPUSSAVEUS--huh? We passed?

Kakashi: Yup. You're the first ones, too.

Naruto: But what was all that crap about following orders to the death?

Kakashi: Yeah, well, those who can't follow orders suck. But those who decide to betray their friends to follow orders suck even more.

Naruto: Well...it seems as if you might not be an inhuman monster after all...

Kakashi: Yeppers. Tomorrow we start going on missions!

Naruto, Sakura & Sasuke: Yaayy!

Inner Sakura: BITCHIN'!!

Naruto: Aw RIIIIGHT! I'm a MAD, BAD NINJAFIZZLE, FO SHIZZLE! In da house and ready to ro--uh...guys?... Guys?...*Sigh*.... I hate hate HATE being the comic relief...

On to Episode 6: Important mission! Heading to the Country of the Wave!