(Da Movie)


Akatsuki: Whoa, did MY stock ever fall! First appearance 53 minutes into the movie! I'm sure everybody's been dying to see me make my debut on the big screen, but I'm afraid you'll have to settle for me on a little screen WITHIN the big screen. Well everyone, have fun and kick lots of butt while I do… whatever it is I do when I'm not macking chicks. Later.

Goat: Well folks, this is your captain speaking. Now that that blowhard's off the screen, I would like to take this time to remind everyone in the shuttle to please remain seated with your chairs and tray tables in their upright and locked position while I continue my rambling and overly technical summary of our flight to the moon-

Hikaru: What I wouldn't give for a decent in-flight movie right now.

Izumi: But we haven't taken off yet. Well, maybe some more lame puns would make a good substitute, eh?

Hikaru: (…smile and nod… smile and nod…)

Ruri: It isn't easy to angst with all these wacky hijinks occurring in my midst, but at least I'm trying.

Minato: Hey, Ruri-Ruri! Whatcha got? Huh? Whatcha got? WHATCHA GOT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?

Ruri: A recipe for Tenkawa-style ramen.

Minato: …you mean ramen actually requires a recipe to be cooked?

Ruri: Yes, I was a bit surprised that it's not nearly as idiot-proof a food as I thought. But I guess we have Akito to thank for that. *BEGIN ANGSTY FLASHBACK*

Ruri: Akito, you represent everything I consider admirable and non-idiotic about humanity, but just what the HELL do you think you're doing giving me your recipe? Being a vigilante may be fun, but it won't pay your bills after this war is over. And I think we can all agree that trusting Yurika to cook the food for your stall is a bad idea.

Akito: Well you see, Ruri, ruined cooks never die… they just faaaaaaade away.

Ruri: I don't get it. Would you lay off the melodramatic bullshit and just explain why you won't cook anything anymore?

Thousands of anime fans: Wow, Akito, you actually managed to get Ruri angry. Jerk.

Akito: Ruri, I am about to tell you something deeply disturbing. And what makes it even creepier is the smile on my face while I'm telling you all this, but… BOO.


Akito: Yeah. Thanks to those jackasses Kusakabe and Yamasaki's experiments, my entire nervous system is F.U.B.A.R. I can't taste, I can't smell. I'm lucky I can even see. And to top it all off my face lights up like a Christmas tree whenever I get pissed. It's like CLAMP got a hold of me and rearranged me into an angsty bishounen.

Ruri: Uh, wow, of the multiple wedgies up the asses of good people in this series, this one takes the cake. The goofy wuss I once knew has been transformed into a surly anti-hero.

Thousands of anime fans: Someone must pay. With BLOOD…

Kia Asamiya: Um. It's HIS fault. *points*

Tetsuo Sato: WHAT?!


Prospector: See you later, everyone! Have fun! You know I'd be kicking ass up there too, but, I, uh… had something important to do back here on earth.

Howmei: Stop yammering like an idiot, Prospector, they can't hear you when they're thirty miles up in the sky.

Prospector: I bet that could be rectified with the power of an enormous stereo… and speaking of which, here's a chick who's intimately familiar with that sort of thing!

Megumi: Geez, Akatsuki thinks HIS stock's fallen? I went from "Love Interest #2" to "Brief Cameo."

Howmei Girls: What about US? We've been relegated to "Permanent Back-up Singers!"

Howmei: As amusing as that vague reference to the Sonic the Hedgehog TV series is, I'm afraid you missed your flight, girls.

Prospector: Tut tut, Howmei, the girls have a far more important role than blowing things up: It's their responsibility to take this movie where no anime has gone before!

Howmei: You mean-

Megumi: Yup! We're going to turn the entire last fourth of the movie into a gigantic parody of Macross, including wacky J-POP performances!

Cannon fodder assassins #4 and 5: *grin*

Thousands of anime fans: Guh?

Minato: I am bored. Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored… did I mention I was bored?

Yukina: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for flying Nergal! On today's nonstop flight to the moon, we will be featuring snack and drink service, with a side order of very flattering flight-attendant uniforms.

Jun: Flattering to YOU, maybe. Someone kill me now, please!

Yukina: Quiet, you. Camera three, I am ready for my between-the-legs shot!

Entire male cast: Oh HELL yes!

Minato: Oh HELL no!

Yukina: Uh oh, here comes da party poopah.

Minato: Yukina, just what the hell do you think you're doing tagging along?! You are going to parachute off this shuttle and go back to school right NOW, missy! Why, I'll have you know that when I was your age, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. ETC…

Yukina: Whoa, old fogey… my reply shall be worded thusly. *RASPBERRY*

Minato: YOU R SAYING IMPUDENCE TO ME!!!! THAT IS IMPUDENCE! Dammit Jun, you let her on, right? I'm going to give you a piece of my mind, young ma-

Jun: Um, can you wait until the entire female cast has finished molesting me to chew me out? And I'm only three years younger than you anyway… *WHINE SQUIRM*

Hikaru: Isn't that uniform drafty, Jun? Probably easy to rip off too.

Entire female cast: Oh HELL yes! *GRAB*

Jun: Oh HELL no! *SQUIRM*

Ruri: All right, all right, you miscreants, I've had about all the wackiness I can tolerate today. Yukina's coming with us and there's not much we can do to stop her. End of discussion.

Hikaru: No! There shall be no end to the wackiness! Come Izumi, let us chant and make bizarre facial contortions as we blast into space!

Izumi: Sounds good to me!

Yukina: If everyone can tear their eyes away from the two crackheads over there, I'd like to point out that in the 23rd century, you don't even feel g-forces when you go into space any more. Isn't that SPECIAL? And speaking of special… nice purple underwear, Jun.

Jun: Yipe!

Thousands of rabid fangirls: *SQUEAL*

Ryoko: Well, we made it to space without any dramatic death scenes. Looks like we're in the clear now.

Minato: NOT!

Goat: Uh oh, it's da party poopah. Yeah, I knew Tsukumo's sister was on board. So what?

Minato: Soooooooo… prepare for a henpecking you'll never forget!

Goat: Look Minato, Yukina's safer with us here to protect her. Kusakabe didn't exactly like her brother, if you remember.

Minato: Argh! Darn you and your logic!

Ryoko: And with that out of the way, here's our ludicrously oversized escort fleet! Sheesh, so much for keeping this mission a secret.

On to the Nadesico Movie: Part Nine