Yukina: And now for something completely different.

Thousands of perverted fanboys: WHOA! SOMEbody's filling out her fuku nicely! *drool*

Yukina: Ah shaddup, I get enough of that grief just from the horndogs on the highway running home from school. Hey Minato, guess what, my SKILLZ were MAD enough to make the junior varsity track team! Huh?

Minato: Sorry I'm not here to smother you with motherly affection right now, Yukina, but I had to… er… step out. This is just a recording.

Yukina: Hmm, something fishy's going on. And if it's fishy enough for me to break the fourth wall and poll the audience, that's saying something.

Admiral Misumaru: Since there's supposed to be a war on amid all these wacky hijinks, tell us the 4-1-1 on the latest enemy movements, Jun.

Jun: Okey dokey. Basically, the entire UC has been caught with its pants around its ankles and its hands in the cookie jar and its wang in the local ho's mou-

Admiral Misumaru: Okay, okay. We get the point. So we're in mighty bad shape right now, eh?

Admiral Munetake: More or less. A bunch of anti-UC nations have apparently privately supported the Successors. It's kind of nice that we're not in a position to harm them

Jun: Uh yeah, I can see how we should REALLY be feeling pity for traitors, sir. NOT.

Admiral Akiyama: Well, as stupid as the Martian Successors' goals and logic are, their type of operation tends to be wildly popular with the public for some reason. For now, their popularity's understandable.

Jun: I'm not following this logic here at ALL-

Thousands of anime fans: Neither are we.

Yukina: That's okay, I'm here to get your mind off it! Hi Jun, you sexy thang!

Thousands of rabid fangirls: Back off bitch, he's OURS!

Admiral Munetake: Wow Jun, I never pictured you as the girl-in-every-port type…

Admiral Misumaru: Don't you mean, BABE-in-every-port? *drool*

Jun: *BLUSH* My god, just when the writers were finally starting to give me back my dignity. What is it, Yukina?

Yukina: Oh, nothin', I'm just here to passive-aggressively cajole you into telling me where Minato is.

Jun: Uh… I haven't a clue. Really.

Yukina: YOU R SAYING IMPUDENCE TO ME!!!! THAT IS IMPUDENCE!

Jun: Look Yukina, trying to intimidate me into telling you won't work.

Yukina: Oh? Well then, how about pathetically begging you?

Jun: Nope.

Yukina: Then how about nagging you?

Jun: Uh-uh.

Yukina: Then how about offering you dirty monkey sex?

Jun: *BLUSH* Uh… mayday? Help? Guys?

Admiral Misumaru: Aoi's a good soldier, but he's far too easily whipped.

Admiral Munetake: By a high-school student, for god's sake. Granted, a babelicious one, but still.

Jun: IT DOESN'T COUNT AS MOCKING ME BEHIND MY BACK IF I CAN STILL HEAR YOU, YOU JERKS!!!

Thousands of rabid fangirls: Poor Jun. We can make it all better…

Yukina: Uh, I think more offers of dirty monkey sex are the last thing he needs right now.

Jun: I HATE MY LIFE-

Admiral Akiyama: Well, I guess the only proper way to end this wacky little sequence is with a random poem.

Ruri: And now for something completely different. Is Seiya around?

Mrs. Uribatake: 'Fraid not. He's at a… er… town meeting or something. Yeah.

Ruri: Rrrrrriiiiiiiight. Well, I see he knocked you up again… nice to see that out of everyone, at least HE's changed for the better.

Haley: Well, that's one less old fart to worry about. Too bad, so sad…

Saburota: Haley, you are seriously messing up the "teamwork" vibe here. What is your problem?

Haley: My problem is that the ship only needs the three of us to run it, and here we are wasting valuable screen time that could be used for blowing stuff up! XPLN PLZ, captain!

Ruri: Talk to the hand, Haley.

Haley: WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *SOB, BAWL, FLEE*

Saburota: Oh, GREAT job, Haley. Here you were bitching about us wasting time, and now we're going to have to waste the next ten minutes on Haley's Teen-Angst-O-Rama. And you didn't even pay for your meal. Yeesh.

Howmei Well, Ruri, I see you haven't developed tact to match your breasts.

Ruri: Eh, it's overrated. Haley's just being obstinate, he knows we need the others.

Howmei: Ruri, are you at all familiar with the concept of "jealousy"?

Ruri: Regrettably, yes. Stupid episode 18…

Saburota: So Haley's jealous, eh? Suppose I'd better get this over with.

Haley: *stagger, whimper, whine*

Thousands of anime fans: Oh great. We thought he was going to be Scott Evil but he turned out to be Shinji Ikari.

Haley: God, I made such an ass of myself… I cannot possibly humiliate myself any more…

Minato: Hi there, little boy. It appears you managed to plant your face right in my cleavage.

Haley: *BLUSH* I stand corrected.

Minato: Say, would you happen to know a restaurant around here? It's called Peaceful Days.

Haley: Aw crap, that's where Ruri is… *sniffle sniffle*

Minato: Uh, you still with me here?

Haley: WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Minato: Uh… that was random. Smile and nod, smile and nod…

Haley: Um, only a convenient time-lapse can save me now. Ah, there we go. Okay, I'm OK now. Sorry for bawling in front of you and all.

Minato: Call me crazy, but your name's Haley, right? Ruri-Ruri wrote to me about you. She said she had a little brother now, and that he was a DNA-screwed-with freak like her, and that he was very nice and cute, although he had a tendency to whine and angst. Guess that description fits you pretty well.

Haley: She called me a "little brother"? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I'M IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!!!!! MAYDAY!!! Oh hey, I get it. You're one of those old-timers I was dissing, right?

Minato: Aw, Ruri's come to find you. Isn't this heartwarming?

Saburota: Well, I'M just here to make him pay for his food.

Ruri: Ixnay on the illbay, Saburota. We're outta here, Haley.

Howmei: So Minato, what shall we use as an excuse to get drunk tonight?

Minato: Haley sounds good. Y'know, I wasn't going to go on the new Nadesico, but seeing Ruri looking all determined like, changed my mind. Plus, it's a welcome escape from Yukina.

Howmei: Yeah, it must suck to be Ruri sometimes, what with all this pressure and all.

Minato: Yeah, but we can always just blame Mr. Asamiya for that.

Ruri: Amazing fact #1: We're riding a commuter train in Tokyo and there's enough room for us to sit down. Amazing fact #2: We're riding a commuter train in Tokyo and no one's tried to grope me.

Haley: ZZZZ… well, it's sort of the middle of the night… ZZZ… amazing fact #3: Commuter trains still exist 200 years in the future… ZZZZZ…

Ruri: Hmmm. Haley's had to do all the teen angsting lately, so I guess I should take up some of the slack. Trouble is, I need a trigger to set me off. What could I use-

Akito: …

Ruri: HOLEY SHAMOLEY!!!!!

Akito: … *grin vanish*

Ruri: Y-yes, that would do quite nicely. A lovely evening to you too, Akito. (DAMN, that was freaky…)

On to the Nadesico Movie: Part Six