Part 11

Tidus: So old man, how we gonna find Yuna?

Cid: By using this Oscillo-thingie. Which I understand about as well as I understand the operation of the ship.

Tidus: Which is to say "Not at all," right?

Cid: You think YOU'D be better at this "captain" business, Blitzboy?

Dona: Hey, you don't hate me for quitting my pilgrimage, do you?

Tidus: Naw. Why hate you for that, when there are so many other, more valid reasons to hate you?

Auron: So if we find Yuna, you're going to make her stop her pilgrimage, right?

Cid: Yer damn right! And I'll hog-tie and horn-swaggle anyone who tries to stop me!

Auron: God. I think I've just been out-curmudgeoned.

Cid: Hey, it looks like we found Yuna!

Tidus: Damn. That's a really skimpy-looking wedding dress... Waitaminute... WEDDING DRESS??!! And the groom is SEYMOUR??! We gotta get down there!

Cid: Easy, kid. That's the palace of St. Bevelle. It's got better air defenses than the Pentagon.

Tidus: Whatsa matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?

Cid: PREPARE SHIP--- *clears throat*... Prepare ship, for Ludicrous Speed!

Rikku: Wait. Didn't we kill that Seymour guy?

Auron: Yes. Hopefully this wedding business is all a ruse on Yuna's part to try and send Seymour to the next world.

Wakka: Wedding business? Holy crap! So that's what the fancy threads are for!

Lulu: God, Wakka, you are SLOW on the uptake...

Rin: I don't wish to alarm anybody, but I do believe we're being attacked.

Tidus: If you didn't wish to alarm us, why didn't you just shut up about it?

Rikku: Uh-oh. We'd better go deal with the monsters before Dad over-reacts and self-destructs the ship like the half-cocked idiot he is.

Tidus: Yay! It's clobberin' time!

Lulu: Look. It's Bevelle's guard wyrm, Evrae.

Auron: The red carpet has teeth.


Cid: Alright, Rikku! Get up on deck and fight that thing! Show it who's boss! Yee-HAW!

Rikku: What-EVER, Dad...

Auron: The ferryman asks a high price.

Tidus: Yo! Auron! Think you could stop spouting poetic non-sequitors and lend us a hand already?

Evrae: Gurk!

Rikku: We killed it!

Tidus: Hey, great!

Cid: We're on fire!

Tidus: Um, not so great.

FMV: Here comes the bride...

Tidus: Here comes the cavalry!

Yuna: My Wesley will come for me.

Seymour: Ooh. I'm so scared.


Seymour: They'll never make it this far.

Tidus: Wanna bet?

Yuna: See? My Wesley DID come for me. Say hi to the next world for me, Seymour.

Maester Kinoc: Not so fast-- Drop the rod.

Maester Mika: Yeah! Don't think that just because bullets had little effect on your friends before that they aren't capable of killing them now.

Yuna: You win.

Seymour: Hot damn! Time to get this honeymoon started!

Yuna and Seymour: *KISS*

Tidus: Ugh! I'd rather watch my parents kiss!

Seymour: I've thought of the ideal wedding present for you, my dear wife. How about your boyfriend's head on a platter?

Yuna: NO! You fiend!!

Seymour: You're right. It's way too over-the-top. I'll just have him shot instead. Guards! Readdyyyyy! Aiiim....

Yuna: Hold it! You say "Fire" and I take a flying leap!

Seymour: You say that as if I'm supposed to care. If you fall, you'll die.

Yuna: I believe I can fly/
I believe I can touch the sky/
I think about it every night and day/
Spread my wings and fly away...

Tidus: Yuna, if you don't stop singing R. Kelly songs, I'm going to go push you over the edge myself.

Yuna: *FALLS*

Everyone: GASP

Yuna: Quit spazzin'. You all forgot I was a summoner, didn't you? Valefor! I choose you!



Rikku: Well, now that Yunie's in the clear, it's time for us to blow. Eat Al Bhed flashbomb, meanies! *FLASH*

Tidus: Grr! Where's Seymour? I'm gonna kill him!

Kimahri: Him already dead, doofus. Yuna head for temple. We go there.

Tidus: That's a loooooooooong staircase.

Rikku: We can use this machine to go down.

Wakka: Grr. Machine bad!

Rikku: It's just a friggin' escalator! GEEZ, Wakka. You're the type of guy that would freak out at the sight of a Zippo lighter, aren't you?

Tidus: Urgh! The door to the Chamber of the Fayth won't open!

Kimahri: It need elbow grease.

Tidus: Feh. NOW when we'd REALLY need a machine to help us, there's none in sight!

Creepy Kid With Hood: Yo. You sure took your sweet time getting here. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to enter the soul of your girlfriend.

Yuna: Unh.. *FAINTS.*

Tidus: I suppose now I'll be stuck carrying her all the way back to the airship!

Maester Kinoc: Or you could be captured by us and stand trial...

Tidus: ...D'oh.

Seymour: Good morning, The Worm, Your Honour/
The Crown will plainly show/
The prisoner who now stands before you/
Was caught red - handed showing feelings./
Showing feelings of an almost human nature/
This will not do.

Maester Kelk: Yes, this will not do. What have you got to say for yourselves?

Yuna: Seymour's a murdering jerk. And to top it all off, he's dead!

Maester Mika: So? I'm dead, too!

Seymour: Yes! We're ALL dead!

Maester Mika: Death ROOLZ! Woooooo!

Yuna: So.. I gather then, from what you're saying, that human existence is nothing but an unending moebius strip of false hope, mayhem and destruction.

Maester Mika: Pretty much. And if you don't like it, you can lump it!

Yuna: We'll lump it, sir!

Maester Mika: Heigh ho! Heigh ho! It's off to jail you go...

Tidus: HEEEY! Warden! I wanna talk to my lawyer!

Auron: Oh shut up, already.

Tidus: Aw man. There are at least THREE hot chicks in our party, but who do I get stuck with as a cellmate? The Curmudgeon.

Maester Kinoc: Come on out. It's time for your execu--uhh I mean, your sentencing.

Tidus: So the method of my execution is to have me tossed into a POOL? Ha! Fools! That's like sentencing Anna Nicole Smith to death and then tossing her into a tub full of mallomars.

Wakka: You made it too, eh? Woo hoo! I think we just beat the system, ya? *high five*

Rikku: Where's everyone else?

Tidus: Well, seeing as how we three are the only characters who had swimming animations developed for them, I'm guessing we're going to be on our own for awhile. At least until we find dry land.

Rikku: IF there's any dry land to be found, that is.

Maester Kinoc: Hope you don't plan on carrying the torch for that Yuna chick, Seymour. No one has ever escaped from the Via Purifico.

Maester Mika: All the same, we'd better post guards at the exit.

Seymour: I'll handle it.

Maester Mika: You offed your father. Now you would kill your own bride?

Seymour: Hey, what can I say? I'm a completist.

Maester Kinoc: All the same. I don't trust you. I'm going with you.

Seymour: Spoilsport.

Yuna: Oh dear! I appear to be all alone on the screen now. I bet all those players who thought I was a useless character outside of major battles and who, as a result, failed to level me up properly, are really kicking themselves right now.

Thousands of Video Game Players: That would be ALL of us. *KICK*

Yuna: Well, I suppose I ought to try and find the others...

Kimahri: Sorry we left you alone, Yuna. Even though it wasn't really our fault.

Lulu: Well, Yuna, it looks as if you're not entirely spineless after all.

Auron: You know, it would've been a lot simpler for them to just bludgeon us all to death. Oh well. If they were stupid enough to toss us in here alive, it's a good bet they were stupid enough to build an exit to this place. Let's find it!

On to Part 12!