Part 10

Temple Guard: Halt! No Dogs or Al Bhed allowed!

Auron: Rikku's a guardian. So piss off.

Temple Guard: Pissing off, sir...

Shelinda: Ah. You guys made it!

Tidus: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE BEFO-- Oh wait. That's right. The Big Joe Rule.

Shelinda: Yuna went off to meet with Maester Seymour.

Auron: Hm. I sense a significant plot development rounding the corner... it's on the straightaway....

Girl: Lord Jyscal! A sphere in Lady Yuna's belongings!

Auron: --And here it comes, down the homestretch.

Lord Jyscal: Is this thing on? Ahem. My son is a psycho. Y'all should probably stop him before he destroys the world and stuff.

Tidus: Oh great. And we let Yuna ALONE with this guy.

Wakka: Um, guys? I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this..

Tidus: Yeah. Seymour's a complete and total nutter, and we've got to go bust his arse!

Seymour: Ah. Welcome.

Tidus: The jig is up. We know you offed your own Dad.

Seymour: So? What are you gonna do about it?

Yuna: Um... kill you.

Seymour: Oh dear. This is definitely going to put a kink in our wedding plans. Guess this means I'll have to send back the beer kegs and cancel the polka band. After I've killed you all, of course.

Wakka: Uh, killing a Maester really isn't going to look all that good on our Adventurer resumes, is it?

Tidus: Well, being killed by a Maester isn't going to look all that good either, Wakka. It's either him or us, and I vote it be him.

Seymour: Have at you!


Tidus: Hey, this isn't so bad...

Seymour: You're forgetting about my fishy friend, aren't you? Here. Have a heapin' helpin' of PAIN!

Anima: ROOARRRRR!!!!

Tidus: Wow. It's really powerful. Although what do you wanna bet if WE get it as an Aeon later, it won't even be half that strong?

Auron: From Hell's Heart, we stab at thee!

Anima: Urk!

Tidus: And thee, too!

Seymour: My doome is ycomme true! *THUD*

Tromell: Murderers!

Tidus: Whattaya mean? HE started it!

Auron: I think it's time for us to go...

Cloister of Trials: Oh no you don't! You have to do ME, first!

Tidus: Oh great! Snow... Icicles.. Pushing giant heavy things around... This is about as much fun as being a parking attendant at the Fargodome in the dead of winter.

Rikku: Look on the bright side! At least we got Jyscal's sphere as evidence to clear us of any wrongdoing in Seymour's death!

Tromell: Oops! You mean this blue thing I just destroyed?

Tidus: D'oh! Looks like the Guado have been taking lessons in evidence-collecting from the Los Angeles Police Department!

Auron: Run for it!

Rikku: They're catching up to us!

Wendigo: Gr-BAHHHHH!!! *pound*

Tidus: So, this ice we're standing on. You reckon it's very thick?


Tidus: Guess that answers THAT question...

Rikku: Everybody okay?

Tidus: We're stuck in a ruined city miles underground, standing knee-deep in frigid water, and if we don't die of hypothermia, we'll probably have everybody in the entire world hunting us down as criminals. But other than that, we're fine.

Yuna: Well, I see my little plan to get Seymour to "do the right thing" didn't work. We must continue on our quest to Bevelle and try to explain to Maester Mika what has happened.

Tidus: Yeah. I'm sure THAT'S going to work...

Lulu: Just shut up and listen to the pretty music.

Tidus: Hey, that's the song my Dad used to sing. Although he didn't sound nearly as good as those fayth guys... Hey, I just realized, if we kill Sin, I have no way of getting home. Bugger.

Wakka: Speak of the devil!

Sin: Me homesick...

Tidus: Alright, Dad. I'll find some way to kill you. After I stop trippin' and stuff........

.......Hey wait... I'm in a desert now... HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?

Thousands of Video Game Players: Whoa. TIME OUT! Illegal shifting of venue. Fifteen yard penalty for the writers...

Tidus: I should be getting used to this sort of thing by now. AND used to the fact that I'm coming across huge, monstrous enemies in an environment which couldn't possibly support them.

Zu: GRAR!!

Auron: Need help, boy?

Lulu: Of course you do.

Zu: Ack!

Tidus: Hi guys. Thanks for the save. Let's see. Who ELSE is here?

Wakka: I am WAKKA, mighty Conqueror of Small Appliances! I raise my barbaric YAWP over the--

Tidus: --Oookay, Musclebrain made it here. Who else?

Kimahri: Ronso noble savages built for kicking ass. Not for climbing dunes of sand.

Rikku: Hi guys! Find Yunie yet?

Tidus: No.

Rikku: Oh. Well, since we're on my home island of Bikanel, that can only mean that my people came and rescued her.

Wakka: For "rescued" read: kidnapped.

Rikku: Oh stop being a jerk already. Here. Home should be right over this sand dune.

Wakka: Looks like you have visitors.

Lulu: UNWELCOME visitors.

Rikku: Who did this?

Keyakku: Yevon... Guado... *dies*

Lulu: Um, could you be a little more vague, please?

Old man: Hey HEROES. Don't just stand there. Help us kick the Guado out of our home!

Tidus: Alright. If you promise to turn off that ANNOYING ALARM.

Rikku: This is my dad, Cid. Leader of the Al Bhed.

Tidus: Charmed.


Rikku: Uh-oh. We have to rescue Yuna and get underground, quick! Or it's curtains for us!

Wakka: Curtains... That's what this place could use. That and a good "de-monsterizing."

Rikku: This way to the Summoner's Sanctum.

Lulu: What IS the Summoner's Sanctum?

Rikku: Where we keep the summoners. DUH. We've been keeping them safe here all this time.

Tidus: Yeah, but how are they supposed to defeat Sin if you keep them all locked up?

Kimahri: Uh-oh, Kimahri sense blondie will soon be undergoing violent, unpleasant paradigm shift. Kimahri not want to be around to clean up mess when that happens.

Rikku: Oh Yuna! Where ARE you?

Dona: She's not here.

Isaaru: Sorry.

Pacce: Hey! What's "sacrificed" mean? The Al Bhed guys said the summoners were being sacrificed.

Tidus: That's ridiculous!

Rikku: No it isn't. *cue sad music*

Tidus: Um, is there something you guys forgot to tell me?

Wakka: We didn't forget.

Lulu: We just didn't want you freaking out on us.

Tidus: Well, you've no objections if I freak out NOW, do you?

Lulu: Be our guest.

Tidus: **FREAKS OUT**

Lulu: Here. While Tidus gets his shit back together, please enjoy this series of poignant flashbacks.

Cid: Okay everyone! We're headin' on up and movin' on out! Get your asses on the Airship!

Tidus: Where's Yuna!?

Cid: Why do you want to know? So you can drag her off to fight Sin and die?

Tidus: No! There's been a change of plans on that front.

Cid: Good! Alrightie then! Let's get this bird in the air and go look for her!

Wakka: Um. You sure this bird can FLY?

Cid: Not only can it fly, it can also blow things up!

Home: KA-BOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!

Cid: BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! Aw, don't worry! We can rebuild it!

Rikku: Dad, you're really not big on this whole "thinking ahead" thing, are you? *Sigh.*

On to Part 11!