Part 8

Rikku: Thanks for blowing me up, boy-o.

Tidus: You're welcome....Wait...That was YOU?

Wakka: Yo! Tidus! Who's da blonde bombshell?

Tidus: Bombshell is right. This is the girl who saved my ass back before I washed up on Besaid. She's one of the Al Bhe--et you guys are wondering how she got here, aren't you?

Wakka: It must be divine intervention! Praise be to Yevon!

Lulu: Uh, Wakka?

Yuna: There's something we girls would like to discuss.

Rikku: Alone. You and bright-eyes go and stand waaaay over there....

Wakka: Daaah. What could they be talking about? Probably mysterious girly things that I don't understand.

Tidus: That covers a lot of ground.

Yuna: Um, Sir Auron? I would like Rikku to become one of my guardians.

Auron: Let me look at her...Hmm....Okay, Spiral-Eyes. You're in.

Rikku: Yay! You won't regret it! Especially now that treasure chests are going to start mysteriously appearing in random battles!

Wakka: Alright! So where we headed to next?

Auron: Guadosalam. The Underground City.

Tidus: Looks like something out of that Willy Wonka movie. Where's the gigantic River of Chocolate, I wonder...

Wakka: I dunno, but it looks like that guy coming towards us might be an oompa-loompa.

Lulu: Naw. He's WAY too tall...

Tromell: Greetings visitors! Ah, we were expecting you, Lady Yuna. This way.

Wakka: And you are--?

Tromell: Oh, beg your pardon. I am Tromell Guado. Servant to the great Seymour Guado, and a damn fine Hans Conried impressionist.

Yuna: Gee, I wonder what Maester Seymour could possibly want with me?

Lulu: God, she IS naive...

Rikku: Hey, did I mention the fact that I can customize weapons and armor yet? Aren't I remarkable?

Tidus: Yeah, but not as remarkable as THAT guy. Just how the HELL does he manage to get to every place before we do?

Maechen: Haven't you heard of the Big Joe Rule from the Grand List of Console Role-Playing Game Cliches? To wit: "Every character in the game seems to have no trouble getting to any place in the world on a moment's notice. Except YOU." Now then, would you care to hear a poetic speech about the pyreflies?

Tromell: We have food!

Tidus: Let's see... Vittles or Backstory?..... Vittles it is!

Maechen: He'll be back. They always come back.

Tromell: Wait here. Lord Seymour will be with you in a moment.

Auron: On your guard, everyone. This Seymour guy could be dangerous.

Tidus: He's a priest! What's he gonna do? Molest us?

Lulu: Ooh, bad form, Tidus, bad form... Ahem. It's Explanation Time again: Guadosalam has no temple, so summoners usually just pass through.

Rikku: Well, I'm glad we decided to stay. This is a damn good buffet!

Tromell: I'm back. Ah, it's so nice to have guests. We haven't had many since Lord Jyscal died.

Tidus: Who?

Wakka: Lord Jyscal. He brought the teachings of Yevon to the Guado. He was a great man.

Tromell: Yes, and now his son, Lord Seymour is ready to take his place and bind our race with yours. After all, Lord Seymour is the son of a human and a Guado.

Tidus: Oh so THAT'S why he doesn't look as weird as the rest of you.

Seymour: I'm here. The party can begin.

Auron: This had better be a SHORT party, as we're in a hurry.

Seymour: Oh fine, Mr. Scratchy Wet Blanket. I've prepared this little FMV for your enjoyment: It's called Zanarkand: City of the FUTURE...from the Past.

Everyone: Ooohhh... Ahhhhhhhh...

Seymour: "She" used to live here in this city, you know....

Yuna: "She" who?

Seymour: The chick in the metal bikini over there.

Yuna: Lady Yunalesca! I was named after her!

Seymour: No coincidence, that. Fate means to have you face off with Sin as she did. However, in order to win, you must do as she once did,-- find someone with an outrageous sense of fashion and form an unbreakable bond of love with them. *hint* *hint*

Yuna: Someone with an outrageous sense of fashion....WHO, perhaps?

Seymour: God, she's dense.... ME! I mean ME!

Yuna: ...I need a drink!

Tidus: No way, Yuna! Seymour has the urge to merge with YOU?

Auron: It doesn't sound like it would be that good an idea.

Seymour: Oh, but think of the publicity! A celebrity marriage between two famous and attractive people could raise the sales of tabloid newspapers everywhere, thus boosting the economy and ultimately leading to a better and brighter world for everyone!

Lulu: He's got a point. It would give everyone something to talk about. And help them get their mind off that whole "Sin" thing.

Tidus: Talk about an indecent proposal...

Yuna: Hm. I'll have to think this over. I'm going to go visit my Dad.

Tidus: What's there to THINK about? And... isn't your Dad dead?

Yuna: Yes, but we can still communicate with him on the Farplane.

Tidus: So...The Farplane. This is where dead people go?

Auron: Yeah. Excuse me, I think I'm gonna sit this one out.

Rikku: Me too, since this all this "seeing the dead" stuff is just a sham which does nothing more than recycle your own memories.

Tidus: Feh. Fine. Stay here. I'm DYIN' to see what this place looks like...


Pyreflies: WHEEEEEE!

Wakka: Yo, Chappu! Met a guy who looked a lot like you. Gave him your sword. He seems to like it..

Tidus: I sure do! Especially now since it just gained new abilities and its strength went up 10 percent! Thanks, floating dead brother dude!

Lulu: Hm. Seeing my dead lover hasn't made me even the slightest bit more cheerful. What a surprise.

Tidus: You still carrying the torch for that Chappu guy? Why don't you try getting your freak on with someone living? Someone like, oh...say... Wakka?

Lulu: You have GOT to be kidding. I'm a Goth and he's a Jock. It just... wouldn't work.

Yuna: I've decided. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make everyone happy.

Tidus: I hope that means you're giving Seymour the shaft. That would certainly make ME happy.

Yuna: Um....Hey, Tidus. Before we go, how about calling your old man?

Tidus: I don't want to. And I apparently can't anyway. (Of course, his being a giant, rampaging fish might have something to do with it.)

Yuna: Why do you hate him so much?

Tidus: Because of what he did to my mother--Hey! MOM! Is that YOU?

Yuna: She's pretty. You know...for a corpse.

Tidus: I just figured out why I hate my Dad. It was because Mom dug him so much. Here. You can see for yourself in this series of erratic flashbacks how much she preferred him over me.

Yuna: Tidus, you SO need therapy... Not only has Sin's toxin made you crazy, it also left you with an Oedipus Complex.

Wakka and Lulu: We're ready to go.

Yuna: And I'm ready to give Lord Seymour my answer.

Lord Jyscal: Wait! I have an important message! From BEYOND THE GRAVE.

Auron: Yuna! Send his ass back to the Farplane! And ignore the fact that I seem to be in pain for no discernible reason.

Yuna: Well, alright.

Lord Jyscal: What? You don't LIKE my "Ghost of Hamlet's Father" impersonation? *POOF*

Yuna: He dropped a blue thing.

Auron: Let's grab it and go 'fo the shaith hits da fan.

On to Part 9!