Part 7

Tidus: *Sigh.* Are we there, yet?

Lulu: No. First we've got to do a lot of pointless sight-seeing and side-questing. It is only by doing so that we, as RPG characters, can expect to come into our true power.

Yuna: Yes. And we've also got to stop off at the temple of Djose to pick up another Aeon.

Tidus: Oh fun.

Auron: Yo, newbie. Don't tell Yuna about your father being Jecht and all. If you do, she would distance herself from you, and your chances of scoring with her then would be about the same as that of OJ Simpson being elected to high office. You wouldn't want THAT, would you?

Tidus: No... Say, just why did you feel it was necessary to tell ME about this whole "Sin being my father" thing?

Auron: 'Cause you're a crybaby. And I didn't want you finding out about it and bawling at an inopportune moment. Like during a major boss fight.

Tidus: I am NOT a crybaby! Am not! am not! am NOT!!!

Lucil, Elma and Clasko: Hi! We're still alive! Deeply emotionally scarred, but alive...

Tidus: How nice for you. Is that the temple?


Tidus: Whooaaaa....

Lulu: Whoooa, nothing. What all these special effects mean is that someone else has beat us to the fayth.

Tidus: Dona?

Thousands of Rabid Fanboys: Yes! Oh yes! PLEASE say it's her! *drool*

Tidus: Nope. Sorry. It's just some guy in a dress.

Isaaru: Ahem! These are my royal priestly summoner's robes. And these are my brothers/guardians.

Pacce and Maroda: Yo.

Tidus: Oh great. Yet ANOTHER pointless, secondary character-centered subplot. Oh well. At least these people don't appear to be TOO annoying...

Isaaru: I certainly trust you'll be every bit as good a summoner as your father was, Lady Yuna. Oh and summoners seem to be disappearing at an alarming rate lately, so you might want to watch your back.

Tidus: Oh great. Another plot point. And a highly irritating one at that.

Lulu: Speaking of highly irritating....

Dona: Hey! Did you miss me, peasants?

Tidus: Not really.

Barthello: Ooh! Auron! You my personal childhood hero! Would you shake my hand and then sign my jock strap for me?

Auron: Oh God.

Dona: Barthello! Get back over here you star-struck doof!

Lulu: Ah, this is pure komedy, folks.

Yuna: I got the aeon!

Dona: Oh did you? Well, daughter of Braska, it only goes to show how far a little nepotism can take you in this world. Let's face it, all you are is just a shy, spineless, naive little damsel in distress! And that's all you'll EVER be!

Yuna: You obviously haven't seen the screencaps and demos for Final Fantasy X-2 yet. And as far as my being shy goes-- I wear outfits in that game which make the little thong number YOU'RE wearing look like a nun's habit.

Tidus: Ah, that was a good night's rest..... Hey... where's Yuna?

Yuna: Sleeping. Was working all night. Go 'way.

Tidus: Can't. The writers say it's time to inject some humor into the story.

Lulu: --Which will consist mostly of us standing around giving you all kinds of shit, Yuna.

Yuna: You know, with friends like you, who needs random enemy encounters?

Lucil and Elma: Leaving so soon, Lady Yuna? We're off to find some chocobos.

Clasko: Wait for meeee!

Tidus: So those three just come by, stop the plot cold, and then leave.

Lulu: Pretty much.

Tidus: *Sigh.*... So. Where we off to next?

Lulu: The Moonflow. Where we won't be running into any more annoying secondary characters, we hope.

Shelinda: Hi, everybody!

Everybody: *GROAN*

Tidus: Okay. We're past that Shelinda chick. That's the end of the annoying NPC encounters, right?

Biran and Yenke: HAW HAW HAW HAW.

Tidus: Apparently not.

Biran and Yenke: Haw haw! Kimahri lost horn. Soon will lose summoner, too!

Kimahri: Kimahri no like bullies. Kimahri feeling urge to become Ronso version of Kip Kinkel.

Lulu: Save it, Kimahri. So, then....Everyone. Just how are we going to keep Yuna from disappearing like the rest of those summoners?

Tidus: Um... Wishful thinking?

Lulu: Would someone with a brain like to answer this question?

Belgemine: I have a brain, but I'm afraid the only help I can offer you is by way of these random aeon tutorials.

Yuna: You know, with awesomely powerful creatures like THIS at my beck and call, why the hell do I even NEED guardians, anyway?

Tidus: Um... Because we're CUTE?...Hey, look! A river. Lookit all the fireflies!

Yuna: No. They're PYRE-flies, geddit? And no. We can't stop to look at them.

Tidus: Awww...... Ooh! An elephant!

Wakka: No. It's a shoopuf. The most slow, ungainly and inefficient method of transportation ever devised outside of Northwest Airlines.

Driver: Oksey dokies, everybody. Shoopuf launchin'!

Tidus: Hm. The driver appears to be a graduate of the Jar Jar Binks School of Annoying Computer-Generated Ethnic Charicatures.

Wakka: And WE appear to be over a sunken city.

Tidus: Ooh! Cool! How'd it get there?

Lulu: Some techno-crazed idiots built it a thousand years ago. All the other people told them they were daft to build a city over a river, but they built it all the same, just to show them. It sank into the river. So they built a second one. That too sank into the river. So they built a third one. That one burned down, fell over and THEN sank into the river.

Tidus: But the fourth one stayed up. Right?

Wakka: No, which only goes to prove that humanity, on the whole, is dumber than a bagful of hammers.

Yuna: *Message coming in* "War is bad. And using machines to fight wars is even worse."

Tidus: But the machines weren't bad in and of themselves? After all. Mecha don't kill people. It's people who kill people.

Wakka: Well, if you're talkin' about people like the Al Bhed, then, ya!

Cabin: RUMBLE!

Driver: Whatsh thatsh?

Al Bhedian: YOINK!

Yuna: Meep.

Tidus and Wakka: We'll save you!

Extractor: Ka-BOOM!

Tidus: That was easy.

Wakka: Damn Al Bhed! Trying to make off wit' our womenfolk! But why, I wonder?

Tidus: Well, from what I've seen, it's not like they have a shortage of hot chicks.

Wakka: They must be the ones responsible for the summoners disappearing! Oooh! Wait'll I get my hands on those grease monkeys!

Tidus: If you had as many brains, as you have chin hairs Wakka, you would probably be wondering why I always try to stop your racist tirades against the Al Bhed.

Yuna: *mouths something*

Tidus: What?

Yuna: I said, thank you, Tidus.

Tidus: What?

Yuna: I SAID THANK YOU, YOU IDIO-- Ahem. Let's just finish getting to the other side of the river.

Tidus: There seems to be a forest here. And a --erk--dead body.

Shapely, Familiar-Looking Girl in Bodysuit: I'm not QUITE dead.

Zipper: *unzip!*

Bodysuit: *unfurl*

Thousands of Rabid Fanboys: **RIVULETS OF DROOL**

Tidus: It's that Rikku chick! And she's hotter than ever!

Thousands of Rabid Fanboys: Uh-oh. We HOPE our Playstation 2 warranty covers "short-circuiting of controller pad by drool"...

On to Part 8!