Part 3

Tidus: Hm. Isn't it strange how these random battles we're now having help to illustrate which enemies each of us are best suited to handle?

Wakka: Ya... Weird....Welp, let's have a quick prayer at this statue and then head for the dock. I doubt we'll be running into any more monsters from this point on.

Kimahri: *JUMP* *GROOOWWLLL!!!!!*

Tidus: Oh? Whaddaya call THAT then?

Lulu: Oh that's just Kimahri Ronso, another of Yuna's guardians. Aww look. He's kicking your ass. That means he likes you. He doesn't do that with just anyone...

Tidus: I would HOPE not... DOWN, boy!

Yuna: Tee hee. Well it looks like we're all together! Let's head for the boat.

S.S. Liki: Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip/
That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship...

Passengers: Guess what! The summoner chick is Lord Braska's daughter!

Tidus: Whoa. The statue guy?

Wakka: Yeah, he defeated Sin ten years ago. Yuna's got quite a legacy to live up to. Cool, ya?

Tidus: Yeah, well, having a famous Dad's not all it's cracked up to be, lemme tell ya...

Wakka: Really? I can't imagine why it wouldn't be.

Lulu: Once again, Wakka, you prove you're all muscle and no brain.

Tidus: Hey, Yuna. It's nice that you and I have something in common that we can bond over.

Yuna: Oh, you mean our mutual ability to share a creepy laugh about nothing?

Tidus: Well....yeah... that and the whole famous father thing. I don't suppose you believe the whole deal about me being from Zanarkand.

Yuna: But I do believe you! A man named Jecht, who was my father's guardian, told me all about that place!

Tidus: Jecht? My father? The hell?..... Naw it couldn't be my old man. My old man is sleeping with the fishes. Besides, how would he have been able to get here?

Yuna: Uh, same way YOU did maybe? Duh.

Tidus: So he's still alive...What I wouldn't give to have the old man show up right now... so I could kick his ass...wait... is that the Theme from Jaws I hear?

Sin: Hi, Scrawny. Long time no see.

Man with Harpoon: It's heading for Kilika! Gee. I hope everyone here is okay with me sacrificing the ship and our lives to try and stop that thing!

Yuna: I'm okay with it, although you might want to try asking someone with a spine.

Harpoon: *PHOOT* *THOK*

Sin: Ouch.

Wakka: Thar she blows!

Sin: Speaking of blowing, I'm outta here.

Wakka: Damn. Talk about the One that Got Away....Uh... Anyone see Blondie anywhere?

Tidus: Glub.

Wakka: Hey! This is no time or place to be taking a nap! Aren't you worried about drowning or getting eaten by the fishes?

Tidus: Nope. I'm the hero. I'm invincible.

Sinspawn Echuilles: Oh really?


Sinspawn Echuilles: Okay, I'm convinced. You're invincible. *EXPLODE*

FMV: Meanwhile, in the peaceful, unsuspecting town of Kilika, miles away...

Townspeople: Gee. It sure is great to be alive. Hey, what's that? It looks like a tidal wa---WHOOOOSSSHHHH!!!!!!!

Sin: Mmmm. Helpless NPC townspeople. My favorite.

Tidus: Damn. Sin did quite a number on this place. Not being invincible must really suck...

Yuna: You're telling me. Well, looks like it'll be up to me to perform the sending for these poor dead wretches.

Tidus: Sending? What's that?

Lulu: Boy, did you land on your head when you fell off the turnip truck? A sending is what happens when the souls of the dead are sent to the Farplane.

Yuna: It involves lots of liturgical dancing and wand-twirling. And flashy CG special effects.

Tidus: Boy. If religion were this cool and involved this many hot chicks out in the real world, there'd be very few atheists.

Lulu: You don't seem depressed enough. So here's some vague, ominous foreshadowing.

Tidus: Thanks... Welp, the scene's coming to an end. It's time for me to wax philosophical again.

Wakka: Don't wax for too long, mon. We gotta go to the jungle temple and pray for victory in the upcoming tournament.

Tidus: We're still going through with this? In spite of Kilika being a pile of kindling and all?

Wakka: Yes, because blitzball helps us forget our pain.

Tidus: I see, so "Blitzball is the opiate of the masses." No wait... That's supposed to be religion... Oh well. Both are practically one and the same in this world.

Yuna: Um...Tidus? How about becoming one of my guardians? Or just... traveling with us for awhile? Hm?

Lulu: *Sigh.* We're in a hurry. Can't we put the the main romantic subplot on hold until AFTER we've visited the temple?

Yuna: There I go again. Speaking for myself... M'sorry... I'll try not to let it happen again.

Gatta and Luzzu: We're not gay! Oh, and beware of the optional mini-boss sitting in the middle of the road!

Tidus: Oh, you mean the extremely LAME tentacle-thing we just thrashed? *Sigh...* I'm getting bored.

Wakka: Me too. How about we race each other up the steps of the temple?

Tidus: Okay, but I thought you said these were sacred places worthy of reverence and respect. Oh well. It's not like something bad is gonna happen if we let ourselves cut loose a little.

Wakka: Aah! Something bad has happened! Sinspawn has invaded the temple!

Sinspawn Geneaux: Ha! Poetic Justice is a dish best served cold.

Tidus: That's revenge is a dish best served cold, you idiot! Grr! I hate monsters who mix their metaphors! Take THAT!

Sinspawn Geneaux: Blarg.

Wakka: Hey kid. You good at this. You sure you never been a guardian before?

Tidus: Damn sure... Welp, what's next?

Wakka: How's about I sit here and muse about my poor dead brudda?

Lulu: Oh give it up, Wakka! Chappu is dead. Toast. Croaked. Cacked. Pushing up the daisies. Bereft of life. Resting in Peace. He has shuffled off his mortal coil; he has run down the curtain and has joined the choir invisible. Same goes for Sir Jecht and Lord Braska. They're all dead and there's nothing we can do about it.

Wakka: Gee, Lu. I know I can always count on you to cheer me up when I'm feelin' down.

Tidus: I smell a subplot here. One I (probably wisely) want nothing to do with.

Wakka: Oh no! Our blitzball rivals, the Luca Goers have arrived here before us!

Tidus: And suddenly this turns into a Bad News Bears movie.

Luca Goers: Haw haw! We're evil jerks and you're underdogs. Our victory is all but assured. Bye, losers!

Tidus: Well then. I think it's safe to say our "meeting up with arrogant bastards" quota has been more than filled for the day.

Dona: Think again, peasants.

Barthello: *Glower*

Kimahri: *Counter-glower*

Lulu: Enough. Time to do the Cloister of Trials thing.

Tidus: Allright! This'll be fun!

Kimahri: Who says YOU'RE coming, blondie?

Tidus: Oh poop. You mean I have to wait here? Alone?...With the beautiful, sultry, scantily-clad summoner chick? *Sigh*...Sucks to be m--H-HEY! Waitaminute! When did you walk in here?

Dona: Oh, you want to be with your friends and ride the pretty elevator? Well, alright then. Barthello...Help the man.

Barthello: HEAVE.

Tidus: Okay... Alright...Don't panic... I'm in the Cloister of Trials...What would MacGuyver do? ...I hope the answer is "move a bunch of spheres and some heavy shit around," because that's all I CAN do... *heave* *lift* *move* *open*

Wakka: What you doin' here? Don't you know Yuna could get busted for this?

Tidus: What's behind the door?

Wakka: The fayth. Duh.

Tidus: The fayth. Huh?

Lulu: *Sigh*. Okay, here's a crash course in Yevonism 101: The fayth are people who gave up their souls so that they could become aeons, celestial warriors whose purpose is to do battle with Sin and to come whenever a summoner beckons them. Unnerstan'?

Yuna: I got the aeon! Go me!

Tidus: Heeeyyyy. This song sounds creepily familiar. But I'm not going to let anyone know that because they might think I'm a kook...well... more of a kook than they already think I am.

Yuna: Are you alright, Tidus?

Tidus: No. But I think I will be after I indulge in a little Primal Scream Therapy.

Yuna: *Giggle* Spontanaety is fun.

Lulu & Kimahri: That kid's more of a kook than we thought he was.

Wakka: So, to Luca, then! Full steam ahead, ya?!

On to Part 4!