Tidus: So your name is Rikku, eh?

Rikku: Yes. My people are the Al Bhed. We're not very well-liked.

Tidus: Gee. Can't imagine WHY, what with you being so damn friendly to visitors and all... I'm a star blitzball player for the Zanarkand Abes, by the way. Here. I'll tell you my entire backstory, which, thanks to my fabulous voiceover powers, will only take about six seconds.

Rikku: Got to hand it to you, new boy. You are OUT THERE...

Tidus: You don't believe me.

Rikku: Well no, seeing as how Zanarkand was destroyed by Sin a thousand years ago. You must be trippin'. I hear that happens when you get close to Sin.

Tidus: I am not trippin'!

Rikku: Oh yeah? Well how else would you explain that outfit you're wearing?....Hmmm. Know what, Blitzboy? You should go to Luca. It's, like, Mecca for blitzball players. You might run into someone who'll recognize you there.

Tidus: Feh. Fine.

Rikku: Oh, and Yevon considers Zanarkand a holy place now, so don't tell anyone you come from there, y'hear? You'll piss off the religious fanatics.

Tidus: Yeah, yeah..... *SIGH*....Don't mind me..... My life and dreams are just circling the drain now... Oh well.... At least things can't get any worse.

Sin: Wanna bet?

Tidus: Aw nertz.

Whirlpool: *SUCK* *WHOOSH!!!*

Tidus: Hey, why don't I ever drown? Have I got gills behind my ears like the Mariner? Or is it this "invincible hero" thing manifesting itself again? Uh-oh... It would appear I've been sucked into a different part of the ocean.

Blitzball: WHACK!

Tidus: Ow. Hey! Something familiar! Hooray!

People on the Beach: Yo! Blondie! You okay!?

Tidus: Oh, and a chance for me to show off! Double hooray!

People on the Beach: Whoa. You're GOOD.

Tidus: Damn straight! I play for the Zanarkand Abes!

People on the Beach: (dramatic gasp)

Tidus: Um, scratch that. I got close to Sin and... I'm trippin' now.

People on the Beach: We completely buy your story! Praise be to Yevon! *ridiculously flowery hand gesture*

Wakka: Hey, Newbie. I'm Wakka, coach and captain of the Besaid Aurochs. You look hungry. Let's take you back to our village and get you fixed up, ya?

Tidus: Ya...I mean... lead on.

Wakka: So a thousand years ago civilization got greedy and lazy so Sin came along to destroy it.

Tidus: I see...But YOU guys don't seem greedy or lazy. Why is Sin still here?

Wakka: I dunno. I try not to think about it. Too depressin'...Hey! I know what would cheer us up! Some good-natured horseplay!

Tidus: Yeah... thanks. This sure beats eating or resting...

Wakka: We got a big blitzball tourney comin' up... So how's about you join our team, ya?

Tidus: Fine. .... Can I have my head back? I kind of need that if I'm going to play blitzball.

Wakka: We need your help, mon. I been playin' for ten years and in all that time the Aurochs have never won a game.

Tidus: Wow. You guys suck.

Wakka: So I'm quittin'.

Tidus: Sounds like a good career move.

Wakka: But before I quit, I want to win one tourney. With your help.

Tidus: I see I have my work cut out for me.

Luzzu and Gatta: Hi! We're Crusaders! Despite everything you may have read about us on fanfiction.net, we want to assure you that we're not gay!

Tidus: Am I EVER gonna get to eat?

Wakka: We gotta stop by the temple first. You know the prayer, right?

Tidus: So the prayer is the same ridiculously flowery hand gesture which is the blitzball sign for victory. I am SO through the looking glass right now...

Man with Robe and Staff: Hey look. After ten long years, we've finally received our statue of Lord Braska, our high summoner!

Tidus: Ten years? What, you have UPS ship that thing to you? ...Uh....Hey... What's a summoner?

Townspeople: (dramatic gasp)

Tidus: Oh boy. It's pathetic excuse time again. What more in the way of fun awaits me here, I wonder?.....

Man with Robe and Staff: The summoners are sacred protectors who are able to call upon the power of the Aeons.

Tidus: Whatever. Is it time for lunch yet?

Wakka: No. It's naptime. Sleep first. Eat later. I'll be over in the temple dealing with this mysterious subplot if you need me...

Tidus: Fine. I'll just be having a flashback dream sequence about my rotten childhood. Made rotten by my no-good, drunken, absentee father.

Tidus: Ick. Fathers suck. So do dreams...*yawn* ... I guess that's enough backstory for now. I wonder what could be shakin' down at the temple?

Wakka: Bad news. Our apprentice summoner hasn't returned from the Cloister of Trials yet.

Tidus: Oh. I see. Well let's go in and rescue 'em, then.

Wakka: What are you, nuts? Only summoners and their guardians can go in there! It's tradition! And this is a sacred place, a place where the veil between the spiritual and the temporal is very thin. A place which is to be held in the highest reverence and respec--

Tidus: Wheeeeeee! Elevator ride!

Wakka: *Sigh*. Fine. We might as well go the rest of the way. But if Yevon gets mad and starts lookin' for someone to smite, I'm pushing you in his direction.

Lulu: What's the matter, big boy? Didn't think we could handle this?

Kimahri: *glower*

Tidus: Oookay.... Things just took a turn for the weirder....

Yuna: Hey everyone! I did it! I became a summoner!

Tidus: Oooh... and the sexier....

Yuna: Here guys! I'll show you my spiffy new powers! Valefor! I choose you!

Valefor: Rooarrr!!!!

Tidus: Okay, I'm pretty much to the point now where I'm taking weird shit like this in stride...

Wakka: Hey fellas! I got this guy here who really wants to be on our team bad!

Tidus: Um, as I recall, it was YOU who begged ME to join your ranks..

Wakka: Heh heh. He ain't quite right in the head, as you can see. But he's a good player. And we gonna win this tourney, ya?

The Aurochs: YA!

Tidus: Heh. Heh. While they're cheering like idiots, I'm gonna go make some time with the summoner chick...

Townspeople: Virgin Alarm! Virgin Alarm!

Yuna: Hey, spread out, you guys... He seems like a nice boy. Let me talk to him.... So Tidus, you ready for the big trip we'll be taking tomorrow?

Tidus: Big trip?

Yuna: Yes. You and me. On a small boat. Together... The two of us......We could... you know... talk...and stuff...

Tidus: Yeah... talk... heh heh...........

Wakka: Hey blondie! Don't get no ideas, ya?

Tidus: Too late. In fact, I'm starting to have romantic dreams about her already.

Rikku: Hey you! You're supposed to be having romantic dreams about me!

Tidus: Wuhooaa.. What was that I said earlier about dreams sucking? I take it back.

Jecht: What's this? You? A total pansy-ass.... going out with GIRLS? HAWHAWHAWHAW.

Tidus: Gee Dad. I see being dead hasn't made you any less of an asshole. Is it any wonder I hate your guts? Geez... This blows. I wonder if there's anything of interest happening in the real world.

Wakka: Just another subplot. This one's about my brudda, Chappu, who looked a lot like you, Tidus....Or...at least he did back before he kicked the oxygen habit.

Tidus: What happened to him?

Wakka: He became a Crusader and tried to fight Sin only... he didn't do too well. He probably woulda done better if he had had THIS wit' him...

Tidus: Wow. A plexiglass sword.

Wakka: I want youse to have it. It'll probably come in handy on our journey, ya?

Tidus: Ya. Hey, shouldn't we be leaving already? Where's Yuna?

Yuna: Okay! I'm ready! Let's go!

Lulu: What's with all the luggage? I said "Take only what you need to survive."

Yuna: It's my industrial strength hair dryer. AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!....Oh and some knick-knacks I brought along to give as gifts.

Lulu: Leave it. This ain't no pleasure cruise.

Yuna: Fine. I'm completely spineless, so I'll do whatever you say.

Wakka: Woo hoo! Time to get dis show on da road, ya?

Tidus: Ya! Er...yes.

On to Part 3!

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