Episode Nine - Captain Gordon, Defender of Earth

Introduction: And now for something completely different...

Handsome Man: Ha-HAA! Jennifer, my faithful, leggy, eye-candy assistant, how much longer until we go into hyperdrive?

Jennifer: 5 minutes, Captain Gordon!

Gordon: Only 5 minutes until we begin our latest, action-packed adventure! In SPAAAAACE!

Jennifer: You're not afraid, are you, Gordon?

Laharl: Afraid? Ha! I, Captain Gordon, Defender of Earth, have no time for fear!

Thursday: BEEP BEEP BLIP BEEP... THAT COULD BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME OOGLING JENNIFER'S JOY DEPARTMENT...

Gordon: Stow it, Twiki. It's time to leave orbit.

Jennifer: Incoming transmission from Earth Defense Force Headquarters!

General Carter: Ground control to Major Tom/
Commencing countdown, engines on/
Check ignition and may Godís love be with you...

Gordon: Right-o! To infinity aaaand...wherever the hell it is we're going!

Spaceship: *BLASTS OFF* *PURPLE SWOOSHIES*

Prinny Squad: Intruder alert, dood! Something's in the Stellar Graveyard!

Flonne: Oh dear. Could it be angels coming to take me back?

Etna: Nah... I doubt we'd be that lucky...

Flonne: What?

Etna: Err... I mean, it's probably weird, anal-probing aliens or somethin'.

Flonne: That means there might be people who are hurt.

Etna: Yeah, I imagine them ass-probes must sting considerably...

Flonne: We'd better check it out!

Laharl: And once again, I'm dragged kicking and screaming against my will into another whimsical, light-hearted, character-building adventure...

Jennifer: Oh no. Gordon's gone!

Thursday: SPACESHIP'S HISTORY. GORDON PROBABLY PUSHING UP SPACE DAISIES.

Jennifer: But that can't be! He's the Defender of Earth. And more importantly, he's a main character. This episode is also named after him, so I suggest you keep looking.

Thursday: RIGHTY-O. *SIGH*....BEEP BLIP BEEP...

Flonne: So this is the Stellar Graveyard... It's so beautiful.

Etna: Yes. And being a graveyard, it'd be an ideal place to bury someone...

Flonne: Yes. But we don't have a body.

Etna: Oh. I could fix that. If you'd be so kind as to hold still, Flonne while I wrap my hands around your neck...

Laharl: Can the slapstick, you two. I'm sensing dirty work afoot..

Jennifer: Detect anything yet, Thursday?

Thursday: NOPE. NOTHING HERE. BLIP BEEP...

Jennifer: That could be a good thing. Our briefing at headquarters (and countless viewings of Japanese hentai films) have taught me that the Netherworld is filled with slimy tentacle demons who want nothing more than to viciously de-flower every beautiful woman they come across!

Thursday: SUCKS TO BE YOU, FLESHIE. BY THE WAY, I'M SENSING APPROACHING LIFE-FORMS. MAY I SUGGEST SOME FORM OF TACTICAL RETREAT? SOMETHING IN A BLIND, PANICKY "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY" VEIN, PERHAPS?

Jennifer: Stifle it, Robby....

Laharl: Odd. I thought I heard a woman's voice...

Jennifer: Look, Thursday! It's a bunch of cute little kids! Awww. You poor little dears... Did the big bad demons rip your limbs off and do horrible, ungodly things to you with their probes and their tentacles, and their probe-holding tentacles?

Laharl: Who the HELL is this?

Jennifer: Don't worry! Big Sis will make it all better!

Laharl: Get away from me! Cooties! Cooties!

Jennifer: Aww. Are we sexually confused? Well, let me explain to you about the birds and the bees.

Etna: So...she's teaching sex ed? Well...She certainly looks as if she's had a lot of experience in that field...

Flonne: Yipe. We'd better get the plot rolling again before this game gets slapped with a Mature rating....Ahem. Nice lady, I am Flonne, an angel. This is Etna, a demon and that--

Laharl: *nosebleed*

Flonne: -- is the Overlord, Laharl.

Jennifer: Oh my! Headquarters didn't say anything about the Overlord being a cute, rabbit-eared little kid!

Thursday: ALL DATA WOULD SEEM TO INDICATE HEADQUARTERS HAS ITS HEAD UP ITS HINDQUARTERS.

Jennifer: And to think, we came here to kill the Overlord!

Laharl: YOU did?

Jennifer: Well.. actually, the killing part was supposed to be handled by our fearless leader, Captain Gordon, who seems to be MIA at the moment. I'm Jennifer and this is my super robot Thursday, by the way.

Laharl: Charmed... So.. This Gordon guy. Is he as bats as the rest of you?

Gordon: Well, THAT was a rough landing. Well, you know what they say. Any landing you can stride away from with perfect hair and the ability to look inherently cool while quipping trite, action-movie one liners is a good one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... But wait. My faithful sidekicks Jennifer and Thursday are not here. Seeing as how I'm the hero of this story and how the narrative, as a rule, must be centered around me and my glorious exploits, it can only mean they've gotten themselves into trouble and that I must save them! To the rescue!

Laharl: Well...THAT certainly answered my question.

Jennifer: So, Harlie-chan... You're not REALLY planning on invading the Earth, are you?

Laharl: Why would I want to conquer THAT dump? And stop calling me Harlie-chan! I am a demon! D-E-M-O-N! I'm evil! EVIL, I tell you!

Jennifer: Whatever you say, Harlie-chan! <3

Laharl: ...Please shoot me now.

Flonne: Gee. Sure looks as if war might be brewing between the Earth and the Netherworld.

Etna: Interstellar war? Neat!

Flonne: Etna!

Etna: Geez, Flonne. You freak out when I act all sweet and sensitive, and you freak out when I act like my normal self. There's just no pleasing you, is there?

Thursday: BLIP BLIP BEEP...I'M DETECTING GORDON IN THE VICINITY.

Laharl: Really? All I can see is some nut in a spacesuit with perfect hair, spouting out dialogue that would make Buzz Lightyear wince in embarrassment.

Jennifer: That's the Captain, alright!

Flonne: I THINK HE'S COOOOOOLLL!! *eye flames*

Etna: That's because you're a GEEK!

Gordon: Hiya Jennifer. Where'd ya find the kids?

Laharl: Kids?-----Grrrrrr! I am the Overlord!

Gordon: You? You're barely out of diapers!

Laharl: GRRREEHHH!!! *summon lightning*

Gordon: ---and yet you're insanely powerful.... But it matters not! I shall defeat you and any who threaten the Earth!

Flonne: Now hold on. I'm sure with love, patience and understanding, we can straighten out this whole situation and--

Gordon: Silence, you evil pre-pubescent!

Flonne: Evil? Ooooh... Laharl, let's nuke 'im from orbit! It's the only way to make sure...

Laharl: For once, Flonne and I are on the same wavelength. (Scary thought, no?) .......Hey, Gordon. I'll tell you what. You beat me, and I promise not to invade your world. But I beat you, and you promise to become my slave.

Gordon: Ha haaa! I agree! After all, how hard could it be to beat a little kid?

*A FEW MINUTES AND A SHORT BATTLE LATER*

Gordon: Ooookay. A lot harder than I thought, apparently...

Laharl: Ha! I win! Suck on -THAT- Forces of Good!

Flonne: Oh dear. I accidentally injured a human...

Etna: Accidentally on purpose.

Flonne: Mock me all you want, Etna, but my angelic ass is grass if the Seraph finds out.

Vulcanus: If he finds out! You mean WHEN he finds out! Hey Seraph! I know something you don't know!

Seraph: *sigh.* What it is this time, Vulcanus?

Vulcanus: Flonne has killed a human in the Netherworld!

Seraph: Oh my. This, of course raises the question of how humans came to be in the Netherworld in the first place. Care to elaborate on that?

Vulcanus: Um...er....no.... but.. I'll go and capture Flonne, right now!

Seraph: Fine. Whatever. *Sigh.* And the plot, as they say, thickens...

Flonne: I'm boned. Oh well. I'm sure the Seraph will know it was just a mistake.

Etna: Riiiiight.

Flonne: ...I'm boned.

Gordon: YOU'RE boned? What about me? I gotta be lackey to some kindergartener! The chances of me looking cool from this moment forward are all but ruined! RUINED, I say!

Jennifer: Ohhhh, I am SO glad I hitched my wagon to HIS star.

Thursday: DITTO. BLIP BEEP BEEP....

Episode Ten - Angels, Demons, and Humans

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