Episode Five - Etna's Secret

Etna: ...So I got pissed and kicked him right there.

Flonne: Where is "there?"

Etna: You know. The nuts. The nads. The junk. The hairy gumdrops...

Flonne: Gee. This conversation's getting a little blue for it to be in a game aimed at children, isn't it?

Etna: Naw. Unless you're talking about them pussy American children...

Flonne: Ooh. Look A photo.

Etna: Someone must've dropped it.

Flonne: OMG ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Laharl: Hey, whatcha looklin' at?

Etna: It's a photo of you doing something extremely depraved and embarrassing. But since we already stretched the games ERSB rating to it's limit with that "hairy gumdrops" exchange above, we're not allowed to show it.


Etna: There's a message on the back.

Message: Dear Prince. I challenge you to a duel for the crown. Meet me in Jotenheim toot sweet, otherwise I'll have copies of this picture circulated around every schoolyard in the Netherworld.

Etna: I smell a trap.

Laharl: I smell BLOOD. Let's go!

Imp: ....

Laharl: What's this?

Imp: ....

Laharl: I see. So THIS is our enemy's idea of a trap. Lame.

Imp: Love and Peace!

Laharl: Urg!


Laharl: Gack!

Flonne: What's wrong?

Etna: Laharl gets weak whenever people start spouting off happy stuff.

Flonne: Really? Does my saying LOVE and PEACE bother you, Laharl?

Laharl: YES IT DOES!! There would be only one thing worse than YOU saying it---



Etna: Ooh. That was brutal.

Flonne: Oh dear. Laharl's not looking too well...

Laharl: How could the enemy have known my weakness?

Etna: Gee.....uhh.....don't look at me. *whistles*


Seraph: So, we're still going to go ahead with this, even though things are getting more and more insane by the minute...

????: Of course. Geez. For an angel, you don't seem to be into this whole "faith" thing all that much.

Seraph: That's because I know Flonne better than you do... *Sigh*... Oh well... I guess we'll just have to coast along and see what happens.

Laharl: Well. We got past THAT hurdle. What awaits us next. I wonder?

Sexy Demon: *Giggle* Awww. What a cutie! <3

Laharl: Gyargh! Sexy....curvaceous.... women.....BAD!!!!

Flonne: You don't LIKE sexy women?

Laharl: No! Girls with curvy, beautiful bodies, I can't stand...Girls like you and Etna, though, I'm okay with.

Flonne: Um, were we just insulted?

Etna: I dunno. But between this and the photo from earlier, I'm starting to have serious doubts about the Prince's sexuality.

Laharl: Would you two shut up?

Maderas: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! It's me, Maderas! It was I who lured you out here, Prince, to avenge my banishment from the castle for stealing your father's coveted black pretzels!

Laharl: Well, considering the pretzels were the thing that did him in, I can't help but find that move highly ironic. Anyway, what do you want with me?

Maderas: I'm going to become Overlord. And I can do it because I know all your weaknesses, thanks to Etna, my loyal servant.

Etna: I'd hardly call myself LOYAL, but, yeah, I'm sort of in your employ here.

Laharl: So it was ETNA who betrayed me and took those photos.... Gee... Now that I think about it, this is coming as more of a surprise to me than it really ought to.

Maderas: It's time for you to die, Prince. And you too, Etna.

Etna: Wait. You said you'd give me back my memories!

Maderas: Oh dear. I did. I also sort of implied that I wouldn't kill you when all this was over. Oh well. I guess I lied.

Etna: Well what's the Netherworld coming to? If you can't trust a DEMON...

Laharl: Ha, Fang-Boy! You don't stand a chance against me! I faced both your platitudes AND your sexy catwomen and I'm still sittin' pretty!

Maderas: Oh yeah...well how well could you do against...SEXY CATWOMEN TALKING IN PLATITUDES?

Sexy Demon: LOVE AND PEACE!!!!!

Laharl: Gulp! This is it! Game Over, man! GAME OVER!

Mid-Boss: HAHAHAHA!!! Never fear! The "Dark Adonis" is here!

Etna: Oookay. THIS was unexpected.

Laharl: What in the name of all that is unholy are YOU doing here?

Mid-Boss: I felt, as your rival, it was my duty to show up during your time of greatest crisis and provide you with a little helpful advice.

Laharl: Such as..?

Mid-Boss: Set your mind free! Do not rely on your senses! Awaken to your power! Use the force! *MUSIC SWELLS*

Etna: Oh no. He's not going to SING, is he?

Mid-Boss: No. Not unless you guys LOSE to moi....

Laharl: Note to self: Make sure that never happens.

Mid-Boss: Ahem. So then, Prince, is my advice helping you any in your battle against the sexy catwomen?

Laharl: It would, if I could figure out WHAT THE HELL IT IS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

Mid-Boss: Well, it basically amounts to this: CLOSE AND PLUG YOUR FREAKIN' EYES AND EARS!

Laharl: A-HA! It's working...

Maderas: Uh-oh....G-Gee, Etna. I hope you didn't take that whole "screwing you over" thing too seriously. I'd like to re-extend my offer to restore your memories in exchange for you killing Laharl.

Etna: Forget it, Fang-Boy. It's curtains for you! You see, two years ago, after I did what you said and poisoned the Prince--

Laharl: YOU poisoned me?

Flonne: This SURPRISES you?......Hey waitaminute. How'd you hear that with your ears plugged?

Etna: You two are ruining my big moment.... Ahem. As I was saying. Two years ago, after I did what you said and poisoned the Prince, I decided that as soon as he woke up, I would use him in my Big Master Plan to turn the tables on you. Oh, and the Prinnies you hired to watch over me. I bought them out, too. The long and short of it is, YOUR MINCING, CAPE-WEARING ASS IS MINE!!!

Maderas: Damn! You've been playing me like a fiddle!

Laharl: And US TOO, apparently.

Mid-Boss: And here I thought YOU were supposed to be the most ruthless demon in the netherworld.

Laharl: Shut it, you! *Sigh.* Looks like it's clobberin' time again...


Maderas: Eeep! Please spare me! If you do, I'll return your memory and all of Laharl-sama's candid photos. Then I'll cry like a little girl and grovel at your feet!

Etna: Just the photos and the memory if you please, Fang-Boy...

Laharl: So, Etna... You poisoned me, used me as as bait in your trap for Maderas, deceived me at every turn, mooed, blued, screwed and tattooed me at every opportunity, and were generally as dirty, sneaky and underhanded as any demon I've ever had the misfortume to associate with.... WELL DONE! I KNEW there was a reason I liked you...

Etna: Awwww. You're the bestest boss ever!

Flonne: So.... They're NOT going to kill each other... Oookay... I suppose I'm at the stage where things like this really shouldn't surprise me...

Mid-Boss: Uhhh. Helloooo... I think there's a plot thread you guys forgot to tie up...Guys?..... Helloooo?.....Aw nertz....

Episode Six - Laharl's Challenge