Episode Four - Gift From an Angel

Vulcanus: So... Flonne the Ditz managed to escape the demons. Probably by using her feminine wiles on them, (which-- admittedly-- seems a ridiculous thing to say, considering she has all the sex appeal of a Care Bear.) Anyway, it seems that Krichevskoy was already dead. But Flonne hasn't returned so... I'll immediately jump to conclusions and say it's because she wants to use the demons to take control of Celestia. That's it! There's no other explanation (aside from the thousands of other more PLAUSIBLE explanations that I won't even consider because they're not nearly paranoid-sounding enough for my tastes.)

Vulcanus: Gee. Hell stinks. And it's a mess, too. Lookie there...some demon just left this book lying around.

Book: *Flash*

Vulcanus: Ooh. Pink. Shiny. Must...resist.... temptation...to read book...or... explain...its significance.... Must...close book... resume search for...ditzy....angel....

Flonne: Seeyyahhseeeyaahhhhh...

Vulcanus: It's Flonne! I found her! Oh God. Even her SNORING'S unbearably cute.... Welp, I'll take her magic pendant and then she'll be screwed. Ha!

Flonne: Uh-oh. Someone stole my pendant.

Laharl: Wasn't us.

Flonne: I know. If you had wanted to take something from me, you wouldn't have bothered to be sneaky about it.

Etna: She has a point, there.

Flonne: I want you to help me find it.

Laharl: I ain't your slave.

Flonne: But... I'll die without it.

Etna: Gee, sucks to be you.

Laharl: Sure does.

Flonne: I'll give you something good if you help me find my pendant. Something "very special."

Laharl: Something "very special" eh?

Etna: Get your mind out of the gutter, Prince. This ain't no hentai game.

Laharl: Fool! That wasn't what I was thinking! Alright, Love Freak. I'll help you, but what you have to give me had better be good.

Flonne: Oh...uh... yeah..... It WILL be...

Etna: Damn! Who knew Hell could be so HOT?

Laharl: Look at this. A feather.

Flonne: An angel feather. From a high-ranking angel.

Laharl: "Rank" is right. Phew!

Etna: Gee, you think that angel could've stolen Flonne's pendant?

Laharl: Only one way to find out...

Etna: Are we there yet? I'm baking in this outfit!

Laharl: Etna, if that outfit of yours were any skimpier, this WOULD be a hentai game.

Etna: I bet Flonne has it worse in that frilly Lolita getup...

Flonne: Actually, no. I'm doing okay. One of the Prinnies gave me some medicine.

Etna: Feh. The only thing those Prinnies have ever given ME was a headache.

Laharl: So, Love Freak... This Seraph guy who is your boss. What's he like?

Flonne: He's kind and he loves flowers and poems and...

Laharl: Yeah yeah yeah... What I want to know is, what would be the most efficient way to kill him...you know...in case I ever find myself in a situation where such knowledge would be useful?

Flonne: Ehhh...

Etna: So you look up to the Seraph, eh, Flonne? The object of MY hero-worship is the late king.

Laharl: What about me?

Etna: Ehhh...

Laharl: Tell me, Etna. WHY do I continue to let you work for me?

Vulcanus: Mwa-ha-ha! Flonne's gotta be toast by now!

Pendant: *SHINE* *SIZZLE*

Vulcanus: Yeouch! Hot potato! *toss* I'm sure the fact that it's burning me isn't a significant plot point!

Mid-Boss: Ouch! Something hit me. Ooh...Shiny. Finders Keepers!

Etna: Hey! Well if it isn't good ol' Mid-Boss! The comic relief.

Mid-Boss: Well, if it isn't my rival, Prince Laharl. And the name's not "Mid-Boss" It's the "Dark Adonis." And I'm NOT the comic relief! I'm the mysterious, shadowy, Tuxedo Mask-like bishounen who alternately battles the heroes and helps them out secretly behind the scenes, all the while drinking in the adoration of millions of drooling fangirls!

Etna: Congratulations, Mid-Boss. You just beat out Love Freak for this year's Crazy Award....

Flonne: My pendant!

Mid-Boss: S'mine! And even though you you may be as cute as the dickens, I won't let you have it back!

Etna: Now you've just beat out Laharl for the "Selfish Bastard of the Year" award.

Laharl: Etna, you are SO CLOSE to being fired right now...

Flonne: My pendant will punish those who are wicked!

Laharl: Yeah...so...why isn't it doing anything?

Vyers: Because I am pure-hearted and beautiful, that's why! Please ...don't hate moi because I am beautiful!

Laharl: What color is the sky in your world, Mid-Boss?

Mid-Boss: Mid-Boss!? Ooh! You've called me that for the last time!


Mid-Boss: Well.. um... okay.. So maybe moi will have to endure it a little longer...

Etna: For at least as long as the writers plan on keeping up this running joke... So, Mid-Boss, how'd you get ahold of the bandages and the crutch so quickly?

Vyers: Nothing is impossible for the "Dark Adonis!" Whoops! *falls*

Laharl: Except staying upright, apparently.

Flonne: My pendant! He dropped it!

Laharl: I got iiiii...oh shit... river of lava....forgot...

Etna and Flonne: Uh-oh.

Laharl: Relax. I'm the main character, remember? Here's your pendant, Blondie.

Flonne: Yay!

Laharl: Take it! My hand's burning. And I'm happy to say it's not because of the lava. It's because, according to the pendant, I'm a cruel muth'fugger.

Flonne: If that's so, then why did you risk your life to get it for me?

Laharl: For the reward. Duh.

Flonne: Oh yeah.. Knew that would have to come up at some point... Ummm...

Laharl: Where is it? Gimme gimme gimme.

Flonne: I, uh... already.... gave it to you. Your reward was... the chance for you to do a good deed!

Laharl: .....

Flonne: Tee hee. ^_^

Laharl: ..... Etna. Take the Crazy Award away from Mid-Boss and give it back to the Love Freak. Then give ME the award for "World's Most Pissed Off Demon Lord."

Flonne: I'm so happy. Laharl DOES have love in his heart! <3

Etna: I guess so, seeing as how he just now resisted the urge to chop you up into angel sashimi. I guess it pays to be insanely optimistic sometimes.

Vulcanus: Dammit! Flonne's still alive. Ah, she's a worthy adversary. I must plan a suitable defense against her evil machinations! Should take me...ohh... about eight chapters or so... *VANISH*

Episode Five - Etna's Secret