Episode Three - A Hint of Kindness

Laharl: Forget it Etna! There's NO way I'm paying your Prinnies salary...

Etna: But they work for me and I in turn work for you. So in fact, they're YOUR vassals. I think it's whatcha call "trickle-down economics."

Laharl: A more accurate name for it would be "highway robbery". Alright. Fine. I'll pay their salary. But I ain't using MY money. I'll just find the richest guy in Hell and get the money from him. So, Miss Knowitall... Where's the richest guy in Hell?

Etna: Lesseee... Donald Trump and Bill Gates haven't kicked off yet, so as of now, the richest guy in hell would be...some pig dude who lives in a solid gold mansion.

Laharl: Great! Let's form a raiding party!

Etna: Righty-o!

Flonne: So... I take it you demons aren't ones to let little things like "morals" and "ethics" stand in the way of achieving your goals...

Etna: Nope. Not when it comes to achieving our FINANCIAL goals, anyway.

Laharl: Gee. Most of the stuff in here looks pretty familiar...

Etna: That's because most of it was stolen from the castle after the King died.

Laharl: Grrrr! If it's one thing I can't stand, it's a thief!........ Alrightie then..... Let's clean this place out.

Prinny Squad: Aye-aye, Dood!

Flonne: Gee. Netherworld Prinnies sure are a lot different than Celestial Prinnies. Celestial Prinnies, for instance, aren't required to engage in Grand Larceny on a regular basis.

Etna: True. But no matter where they live, all Prinnies are the same--in that they all have the souls of human sinners living inside of them.

Flonne: Really?

Etna: Yeah. They work their asses off until they've earned the right to be reincarnated. Think of it sort of as a cosmic work-release program...

Flonne: I see but...Just why are they so concerned about earning money? It's not like it's all that important.

Etna: What ARE you, a communist? Money is honey, dearie. More so here in the Netherworld than anywhere else.

Flonne: ....But what about love and friendship and flowers and sunshine and puppydogs and--?

Etna: Sheesh. You ARE a communist.

Laharl: Hey look! A painting of my old man...

Flonne: He looks just like you...if you were older, taller, and had some sort of Snidely Whiplash mustache thing going on.

Etna: Shut it, you! He was a great man.

Flonne: So... How'd he die?

Etna: Choked to death on a black pretzel.

Flonne: Holy George W. Bush, Batgirl! (If he was really THAT fragile, it's no wonder the Seraph felt comfortable sending someone like ME to assassinate him.)

Hoggmeiser: MON-AY... It's a gas... Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash....

Laharl: Knock knock..

Hoggmeiser: Who's there?

Laharl: Your sneaker-wearing, spiky-haired DOOM.

Hoggmeiser: It's the King's son. Oh that's riiight... In my campaign to become the next Overlord, it appears I accidentally left out the all-important step of wiping out the next in line to the throne. Oh well. Better late than never.

Laharl: Come get some, Porky!

Flonne: Oh dear. So this is what demons are really like...

Etna: Ooh. Your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city!

Laharl: Ha! I win. Fry, Piggy!

Hoggmeiser: *cowardly squeal*

Flonne: So, Laharl...You're going to ruin the whimsical, light-hearted tone of this whole game just so you can carry out your own selfish, bloody vendetta...

Laharl: I see for once, you're actually paying ATTENTION to current events, Love Freak.

Hoggmeiser's son: .....

Laharl: Hey, you must be the Pig Dude's son--

Hoggmeiser's son: *BIG SPARKLY EYE QUIVER*

Laharl: Stop looking at me with those puppy-dog eyes! Or I'll turn you into a side of bacon!

Flonne: Don't you get it, Laharl? He loves his Dad... Why won't you accept love? Is there something in your past which keeps you from allowing it into your heart?

Laharl: I don't think so. Let's see...


Laharl's Father: So son... Just wonderin'. Do you love me?

Laharl: Hell no.

Laharl's Father: I'm cool with that. For now.


Laharl: Well, gee. That was pointless. I learned absolutely NOTHING from that...Let's see...where was I?...Oh yeah.. It's Bacon Time.........or at least... it WOULD be if I weren't so distracted by my own conscience... Damn that Love Freak...Aw hell. Let's just grab the goods and go home.

Flonne: You mean you're not going to kill the Pig Dude?

Laharl: No. In fact, I'll even leave him and the kid some money. Happy now?

Flonne: Very. It means now that I won't have to kill you.

Laharl: You mean it means you won't have to be killed by ME.

Flonne: Whatever. It's my turn to have a flashback now.


Flonne: Master Lamington. Is it true that all demons are evil?

Seraph: No. And not all angels are good. In fact, all races as a whole are pretty morally ambiguous, although some people choose to be bigger jerks than others.


Flonne: Ain't that the truth...Laharl certainly showed how big a jerk HE can be today. Although, I did see a small hint of kindness. Not much, but I'm sure it's enough so that, by using my Holy Powers of Consummate Nagging, I can eventually make him see the light.

Episode Four - Gift From an Angel