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Amethyst Angel presents
The Cosplay Commission Translator
Thinking of making and selling cosplay costumes for other people, --or of ordering a costume online from a costume maker? The handy dandy guide below will help both costume makers and costume buyers better understand the complex communication process behind deals of this nature...
For those who make and sell costumes online:
| When your customer says... |
What they really mean is... |
| "Okay, your quote sounds fine.
I'll have a check to you in the
mail by next week." |
"Okay, your quote sounds fine.
I'll drop you a check in the mail
which should reach you sometime
next week. (But which will most likely reach you three days before the item is due to be finished.)" |
| "Okay, your quote sounds fine.
I'll paypal you the money later
today." |
"Okay, your quote sounds fine.
I'll paypal you the money within,
oh, the next two weeks or so. Hope that
doesn't screw up your work schedule
too badly." |
| "Okay, your quote sounds fine.
I'll paypal you the money immediately!" |
"I'm going to drop off the face
of the earth and this is the last time
you're going to be hearing from me." |
| "30 dollars seems reasonable for a
pair of Sasuke arm covers, (although
I did see a guy selling them for
14.99 on ebay...") |
"I don't want to spend more than
14.99 for a pair of arm covers,
but I also don't want to
buy them from the ebay seller because
he lives in Hong Kong, charges 25
dollars for shipping, and insists
on having the money sent to him via
cash in an unmarked envelope. I'm
hoping instead, that I can cajole
YOU, a reputable costume-maker,
into making them for me at the
price I want." |
| "100 dollars for a jacket? That price seems a little high..." |
"I'm the type of small-minded person who can't understand why someone who doesn't work in a third-world sweatshop would need to have more money to live on than someone who does. (If Walmart can make a jacket like that for 25 dollars, why can't you?)" |
| "I want you to make me the suit for this character, but with a few changes, which I'll pay you extra for..." |
"I want you to add pockets to the sides of the suit and insert a small pocket into the lapel where I can keep my iPod. I also want you to put running LED lights all along the inseam and create a special receptacle in the jacket hem where I can place a packet of dry ice to create a fog effect. And I want you to put a speaker system and mini-tape recorder in the tie. And I want the entire thing to be made out of blue pleather. Do you think you could do all that for me if I paid you an extra 25 dollars? " |
| "Would two weeks be too little time for you to make me this suit of armor?" |
"I'm of the opinion that your production methods involve magic and a massive army of worker elves, so I feel it should be possible for you to do anything, no matter HOW hard, in ANY amount of time, no matter how short.." |
| "I'm a size 10..." |
"I'm 5' 7", have a 40 inch bust, a 32 inch waist, and 46 inch hips. I also have a real problem coming to grips with this thing called reality..." |
| "Dead silence..." |
"I've decided I don't want you to make anything for me after all, but I'm too gutless to send you a cancellation e-mail so you can take my project out of your work schedule. Hope you're not miffed." |
For those who decide to order a costume from an online commission service:
| When your costume-maker says... |
What they really mean is... |
| "20 dollars for a sailor fuku? I can do that!" |
"Um, you weren't expecting your costume to have finished hems and seams and to be made out of actual fabric, were you?" |
| "Sure, I'd be willing to discuss possible changes to the costume that you'd like to make." |
"I'll talk to you about it, but you'd better not go crazy and pile on a bunch of extra design crap, otherwise I'll jack up the price of this costume so much you'll have to put your as-yet-unborn children in hock just to pay for it." |
| "Your costume should be in the mail sometime this week." |
"I've got "sending out your costume" written in my to-do list, and if you're really lucky, I'll actually remember to mail it out sometime BEFORE your convention." |
| "What, it's two weeks until your convention and you're wondering where your costume is? Oh, I just put it in the mail..." |
"Whoops. I forgot to make your costume. I'd better drop everything I'm doing, slap it together and express-ship it to you before you start sending your army of lawyer ninjas over to threaten me with subpoenas and bodily harm." |
| "What, it's three days until your convention and you still haven't gotten your costume yet? I put it into the mail days ago. I'll go to the post office and ask them what happened to it." |
"The stupid post office lost your costume. Gee. I sure wish I had bothered to look into that whole "tracking and insurance" thing a little further... " |
| "I'm not sure I can finish this project. Someone like you --who likes to be involved with every step of the creative process and who likes to have a constant free-flowing exchange of ideas for new design elements-- might want to have a local tailor tackle this job. I'm not sure our transaction is one which can be completed successfully over a long distance."
" |
"I'm sick and tired of your incessant nitpicking and your constantly wanting to change things every time you e-mail me about this project. Why don't you find someone ELSE to finish it for you and leave me the hell alone?" " |
| "Dead silence..." |
"I'm a con-artist who's decided to run off with your money. Looks like at your next convention you'll have to don a barrel with suspenders and cosplay as a poor person... SUCKER!"
OR
" I'm insanely busy making your costume and the 25 others I was supposed to have finished months ago.... I'll reply when I'm dead." * |
*(Thanks to Daitenshi for help with this last one...)
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