At long last girls everywhere can live out their dreams of anime fandom, thanks to the latest in plastic polymer technology (and to Mattel's unapologetic tendency to shamelessly capitalize on the latest pop-culture trends.)
Otaku Barbie™ comes dressed from head to toe in a stylish "geekwear" ensemble ( faded jeans and a Hello Kitty™ T-shirt.) If you expose the shirt to cold water, soda, Cheetos™ and chocolate stains magically appear.
Otaku Barbie™ comes complete with notebook (filled with several game yet hopelessly amateurish attempts at anime fanart), a collection of J-POP CD's and bootlegged anime soundtracks (which she bought from Son May or downloaded from KaZaA ), and a package of Japanese snackfood (either Pocky or those neat little chocolate hamburgers.)
Also included is a tacklebox containing all of Otaku Barbie's™ art supplies and a portfolio which she uses to lug around her (mostly traced) fanart creations from one convention to another. NOT PICTURED: Barbie™ sized lanyard and laminated pass to Anime Expo and shopping bag filled with plushies, posters, and slightly naughty yaoi doujinshi which she hopes to God her mother never catches her with.
There's more to an otaku's life than sitting around, watching anime, listening to J-POP and sketching bug-eyed, asymmetrical versions of naked Fushigi Yuugi characters. There's also....
COSPLAY!!! All it takes is a slight twisting of Otaku Barbie's™ scalp and she goes from dowdy geek to...
MAGICAL BARBIE SAILOR SENSHI!!!
Otaku Barbie™ now becomes the Belle of the Convention, turning the heads of creepy fanboys and porn-site photographers everywhere. Otaku Barbie™ LOVES the cosplay scene, not caring how many times she's been groped by unshaven perverts, (or hentai, as they're known in Japan,) or that Sailor Mercury's hair is actually supposed to be BLUE. She's the center of attention and to Barbie,™ that's all that matters.
Also making it's first appearance on the convention circuit with Otaku Barbie.™ It's...
Yes, folks, he may be built like a teamster and have a gut the size of an SUV, but that's not going to stop our man Ken from dressing up and acting out his deepest-held Oedipal fantasies. Crossplay Ken comes with Sailor Senshi costume, tiara, magic wand, and no dignity whatsoever.
If you expose Crossplay Ken to cold water, hair magically appears on his face, legs and buttcheeks. Optional Faye Valentine crossplay outfit sold separately. WARNING: Dressing up Crossplay Ken as Faye Valentine may cause hysterical blindness to strike every other doll around him within a 50-foot radius.
There you have it folks! Otaku Barbie!™ Supplies are limited! Order Today!
Also coming soon to a store near you:
HENTAI BARBIE™ Comes complete with... well... NO outfit or accessories. But she has a button on her back which makes her explode in a messy fashion when pressed. (Extra blood and entrail packets sold separately.) Also appearing with Hentai Barbie™ will be Transforming Tentacle Monster Ken™ Comes with the ability to grow to fifty times his normal size and to sprout phalluses from any part of his body, even parts which aren't usually known to have them. ( SORRY. NO PICTURES.)
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(Teresa Dietzinger) c.2003.
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