Part 16

Tidus: Welp. We made it. Gee. THIS place looks familiar.

Auron: As does HE.

Jecht: Hey, kid. Long time no see.

Tidus: You won't find ME complaining about that.

Jecht: Welp... You know what you gotta do, right?

Tidus: Yeah...

Jecht: no tearful father/son reunion, then...right?

Tidus: Guess not.

Jecht: Suits me. Guess we'd better get down to business then. *falls* *TRANSFORMS*

Tidus: Wait! I changed my miiiiiii--

Jecht/Braska's Final Aeon: You say something, son? I couldn't hear you. I was too busy turning into an 80-story-tall wide-awake nightmare.

Tidus: Yeah, I can see how that might be distracting. Well, Dad... I promise this'll be quick!


Jecht: Hey. That WAS quick. *REVERT*

Tidus: Dad! *sniff* I'm so sorry...

Jecht: Sheesh. What a crybaby. If MY Dad had turned into a hideous, world-crushing monstrousity and I had to destroy him with my own hands, you wouldn't see ME blubberin'...

Tidus: I love you, Dad...
Oh the Cat's in the Cradle and the Silver Spooooon/
Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Mooon....

Jecht: Oh god..... Someone PLEASE finish me off!

Tidus: Whoa! What the hell is that thing up there?

Black Blob: ....

Jecht: Call the Aeons and fight that thing! You guys know what to do! *DIES*

Tidus: Yeah. WE know what to do....... Uhh.... What do we do?

Yuna: I'll take point on this one...

Lulu: That thing... It looks like Cthulu.

Tidus: Yeah. Methinks some Japanese Video Game designer has been reading a little too much H.P. Lovecraft.

Yu Yevon: You fools! I am Yu Yevon! The final FINAL boss! Watch and despair as I possess your aeons--

Tidus: --And then get your butt immediately kicked. Tell us again, why should we be afraid of you?

Yu: D'oh! You mean this battle is nothing more than a formality? A foregone conclusion? What chance do I have?

Tidus: Um. None really.

Yu: Oh yeah? Well I've got more of a chance than YOU have, Mr. "I'm just part of somebody else's dream!"

Tidus: Ulp. Oh.... that's right. Did I forget to mention that? After this battle's over. I'm going to disappear. Hope you guys don't have a problem with that.

Yuna: *lip quiver*

Tidus: Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. And even though this battle may SEEM like it's lasting forever, we all know it can't. So I guess I'd better say my goodbyes now....*sigh*

So now...
The end is near...
And I face,
The fiiiinal currtaiiiin....

Yu Yevon: Alright! Alright! I'll die! ANYTHING to escape that horrible singing!


People of Besaid: Hooray!

Gatta: Woo HOO!

Lucil, Elma and Clasko: Righteous!

Maechen: Bitchin'...

Statues of the Fayth: *DISSOLVE*

Yuna: Hooray! What better way to celebrate a great victory than with some liturgical dancing?

Auron: Well, MY work is done here. *starts to vanish*

Yuna: Auron...You're...actually dead? WTF?

Auron: Curmudgeonly badass ronin never die, Yuna. They just faaaaade awaaaaay..... *FAAAAAAAAAAAAADES AWAY*

Sin's Body: *EXPLODE*

Aeons: *VANISH*

Wall o' Fayth: *TURNS TO STONE*



Tidus: Uh-oh. I'm starting to fade like Marty McFly in Back to the Future...

Yuna: No! You can't disappear! I love you!

Tidus: That's nice. But you're forgetting. THIS IS ANIME™ And according to the immutable Laws of the Universe, no anime series, movie or video game is ever allowed to have a happy, lucid, and emotionally satisfying conclusion. So this means goodbye.

Lulu and Kimahri: Despite our reticence, we are sad.

Rikku: I am too, despite my inappropriately cheerful body language.

Wakka: I'll just mope, thank you very much.

Tidus: Time for me to fly/
Oh, I've got to set myself free/
Time for me to fly/
And that's just how it's got to be/
I know it hurts to say goodbye/
But it's time for me to fly...

Braska, Auron and Jecht: *HIGH FIVE*

Yuna: Well THAT didn't make much sense. If Tidus and Sir Jecht didn't really exist, do they even HAVE souls? And if they don't, how could they have made it to the Farplane?

Lulu: Don't even TRY to figure this one out, Yuna. You'll only hurt yourself. Let's just go ahead and put this thing to bed already...

Yuna: Yes'm.

People in Luca Stadium: **CHEER**

Yuna: Is this thing on?...Ahem... People of Spira. Everyone has lost something important, but now that Sin's dead, we can all rebuild without fear that some giant fish-thing's gonna smash it into kindling. Never mind the fact that we all could've probably avoided most of his destructive wrath in the first place just by moving 20 miles inland.

People in Luca Stadium: **CHEER**

Yuna: Oh, and one more thing... The people and the dreams that have died... don't forget them.

People in Luca Stadium: SHOW US YOUR BOOBS!

Yuna: I can't do that. But I promise to dress more sluttily and drop the Prude Act in the sequel!

People in Luca Stadium: **BIG RESOUNDING CHEER**

Tidus: In the meantime, I'm still dead... Or not. Aw HELL, these last few seconds have me confused.

Thousands of Video Game Players: US too! God, we hope the sequel helps to sort out some of this mess and isn't just a fanservice-laden excuse to capitalize on a popular title with a minimum of additional programming and creative design effort!

FFX2 Yuna: Lara Croft, get ready to eat your heart out!

I'm, comin', out/
I'm comin' out/
I want the world to know, I got to let it show./
I'm comin' out. I want the world to know, I got to let it show./

There's a new me comin' out/
And I just have to live/
And I wanna give/
I'm completely positive/

I think this time around/
I just wanna do it/
Like ya never knew it/
Ya know I'll make it through/

The time has come for me to break out of this shell/
I have to shout, that I am comin' out!

Thousands of Video Game Players: Oh NO!!

Thousands of Perverted Fanboys: Oh YESS!!! *drool*